NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

You have been very patient waiting an entire week for the asshole fuckface roundup. That is nice of you. If only this week’s asshole fuckfaces could be as nice as you, but it is just not in their genetic makeup. They are the worst of the worst. Even Hilter would be shaking his head if he heard what the asshole fuckfaces have been up to. So, put on your creepy bib and settle in, this is going to be ugly.

Tye Hilmo is an outrageous asshole fuckface and an enemy to all cats.

There is a special place in hell for men who kill kitties. It involves a large litter box and tons of shit. Also a rape post. And a small cock guillotine.

Tye is an all around fuckface. He was on probation when police searched his home last week and found two pounds of pot and guns. You are not supposed to have two pounds of pot or any guns when you are on probation, so Tye was thrown in the pokey.

Police had also received a tip that Tye was killing cats. Upon searching his home, they found the bodies of two dead kittens. But his cell phone contained the worst evidence of all.

Asshole was capturing neighborhood cats, then injuring them and then finally, he would give them to his pit bulls to finish off. He has been charged with aggravated cruelty to animals.

I would like for Tye to be tied down. Then his skin peeled off and his exposed tissue covered in tuna oil. Then a hundred feral cats should be released to have brunch.

Next up, "counter protester" is another way to say asshole fuckface.

Last Saturday anti-war protestors marched on the capitol. Carlos Arredondo’s son Alex died in Iraq in 2004 and he has created a “traveling memorial” in honor of his son.

Carlos was taking part in the protest and as he walked a group of “counter protesters,” began to follow him and harass him. Finally, one of them tore a picture of Alex off the memorial. It was his non-verbal way of saying, “I support the war and my way of doing that is to insult dead soldier’s parents.”

But the asshole fuckfaces weren’t done with Carlos yet. When Carlos tried to get the photo of his dead son back, five other “counter protesters” attacked him. They beat him and kicked him in the head, legs, stomach and back.

Police broke up the attack. Carlos sustained bruises all over his torso and on his head, but at least now he knows he should support the war. There is no better way to convince a dead soldier’s father to change his mind about the war than to kick him in the head. I think Ghandi said that.

Ah, what would a trip down asshole fuckface lane be without a visit from George Bush?



Yes, he just used an alive Nobel Peace Laureate and international hero as a dead guy in what may be the most retarded analogy ever. Let's see, Saddam killed all the Mandelas, which has totally fucked Iraq. So, if Saddam hadn’t killed all the guys who fight to overcome brutal systems of racial segregation, then Iraq would be in great shape. Those one million plus Iraqi deaths that have occurred since the US occupation began did not kill any of the Mandelas. It's called logic!

Oh, and this is what Mandela thinks about the asshole fuckface known as Bush.

But keep talking about him like he is a dead hero who could have saved Iraq, George, you fucking moron.

And now, one of the many asshole fuckfaces who will never be president.

Rudy Giuliani is such a spectacular asshole fuckface that he looks like a shoo-in for the AF hall of fame. During his political career in New York, Rudy worked hard for gun control. He did not hold back when it came to the NRA.



Rudy even filed a lawsuit against gun manufacturers, such as Colt, Glock and Smith & Wesson, in an attempt to punish them for violent crimes committed with guns. At the time, Rudy said the gun industry “profits from the suffering of innocent people.” Yesterday, a panel of federal judges began hearing arguments on the lawsuit. So, how did Rudy celebrate?

By crawling to the NRA like a bitch and begging for their support. Rudy addressed NRA members on the same day his lawsuit was being heard by a panel of judges, because Rudy is now dedicated to upholding the right of individuals to own weapons. That is some fantastic asshole fuckfacery.

I guess that is why you filed a lawsuit to destroy gun manufacturers, huh? But, hey, Rudy did become a member of the NRA in 2006. And they are apparently stupid enough to buy his shocking political opportunism.

Wow, we just found another asshole fuckface! These two guys are made for each other.

Congrats to this weeks winners. You are all very special in a horrible way. Each asshole fuckface will receive their very own FearTheReaper iPod sheath.

Yes. Yes there is.

This new "cruelty to animals" wave that has been uncovered is truly disturbing. First Michael Vick (I think that's his name... I don't like sports, so I only remember the last name), and now this? People who outright brutalize animals like this should suffer the same penalty as they would for doing the same thing to humans.

"Mandela is dead"?

What in the fuck is he talking about?

The context is that he was speaking about "Mandelas," in the sense of liberal reformers in general. It makes nominal sense that way, though it's still really dumb.

Even funnier is that Mandela was no liberal reformer. The ANC blew people up in restaurants and malls and was listed as a terrorist organization by the State Department.

Well, if you're gonna split hairs and all that shit...

honestly, I'd be scared to know,

"He divided people up..." Saddam executed people by vivisection?

Maybe so...

Very true. They were believed to receive their marching orders from Moscow, back in the day.

I miss Communism.

Poor kittens. Kittens being mauled for kicks sounds like one of the sleaziest things you can do for fun.

Also, listening the George Bush try to make an analogy sounds awfully similar to the sound of kittens being mauled for kicks.

There was a segment on DemocracyNow! a few days ago about how the pro-war counter-protestors attacked the anti-war father, Carlos Arredondo, who lost his son in Iraq. I'll repost it here, there is a short interview towards the end:




Apparently there are also some pictures that were taken of the incident here.

The Giuliani one didn't seem horribly fuckfaced. Banning assault weapons, but not removing the right to bear arms is what all politicians should be 'shooting' for. He also never really said he was against the NRA completely just that they refuse to give an inch on anything. And as he said, this refusal to give up on one point on all sides is hurting everyone in areas other than just gun control. If he were to be elected, and he still felt the need to effect change in the NRA, then he would need to build bridges with them in order to facilitate said change. You can't just go at a constitution-defending organization with gun's blazing, despite their problems.

I disagree with Giuliani on many things, and I certainly won't be voting for him, but that doesn't mean he should be bashed for doing things that actually make sense.

Why is it something politicians should be shooting for?

Almost no crimes are committed with "Assault Weapons". It's simply alarmist rhetoric from people who watch too many movies.

If you think banning assault weapons solves anything, i bet you think the Patriot Act was a resounding success

Edit:Whoa, that's fuckign weird, my comment got fucked p by the boards

This is quite a list this week.

So a grieving father is protesting the senseless war that took the life of his son and he is beaten up for that? His son gave his life for the war you support, assholes! That story made me profoundly sad.

There really are very few things worse than counter protesters. They pretty much always tend to be horrific jackasses.

When I saw that Mandela line I simultaneously laughed and just about cried. George Bush has said some really stupid shit, but that is up there near the top of the list.

Wasn't Hitler the last leader in the western world to invade a sovereign nation...?

As opposed to the protesters?

Uh. Yeah.

This one's for Tye...

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Man, I would like Nelson Mandela to explain how he would have opposed Saddam Hussein.

My new dream is America takes it's money, it's armies, and all the good it has done for the world (which can or can not include Iraq) and go home with a hearty 'Fuck you!' cast to the rest of the world.

My other dream involves the UN or someone intervening in Darfar, but I'd hate to offend by proposing military action.

You're offending comes more from comments that are a shocking combination of stupidity and simplicity.

Thankfully, liberals never make stupid analogies. Nor do they ever make comments, statements, or policies that are shocking combinations of stupidity and simplicity. I will be very glad when they win the election in 2008.