NEWS: True Stories from the Social Network Special Olympics

GEEK: True Stories from the Social Network Special Olympics

I don't know if it's something in the pixels or if the constant flow of friend requests are finally getting to some people but in the last week I've heard some of the most insane stories about bullshit people have pulled on social networking sites. And by bullshit I mostly mean people doing things online and then being surprised when other people find out about them. I'm actually kind of impressed by the level of ignorance going on, and thought you might be too. Here are a few situations I've heard about this week, all of which are entirely true. Names, of course, have been changed to protect the guilty.

Jack is dating Jill. Seriously. Like, a serious "committed" relationship. Jill isn't online as much as Jack but decides to check out his MySpace profile one day. This profile is full to the brim with photos of and notes too / from other girls that Jack is apparently hooking up with on a regular basis. Jill is obviously upset by this and confronts Jack. Jack denies it. Jill pulls up his profile right in front of him. His reaction - "oh, um... yeah." Jack is no longer dating Jill.

Thomas knows about Susan, but doesn't like her. He makes several posts on his MySpace blog about what a whore he thinks she is. Susan does not really know Thomas so doesn't read these posts. Thomas meets Susan in person and has a problem, she's totally cute. Thomas takes tons of photos of him and her together at a party and posts the photos to his Facebook profile, seemingly to prove that he has actually talked to cute girls before. Thomas tags Susan in the photos. She finds them and follows the links back to his MySpace page and sees everything he's written about her. Thomas is shocked, SHOCKED when he asks Susan out and she says No.

I don't even know what to say about this except... really? Someone actually thinks this is at all entertaining?

Tina and Laura have been hooking up pretty regularly. Laura invites Tina to do something one evening and Tina declines saying she can't because her job has her working extra hours and she can't do anything except that for the next week or two. That evening rolls around and Laura starts getting tweets from Tina about a great party she's at. A little shocked, Laura sends Tina a text message asking what she's up to. Tina responds saying she's still at work and will talk to Laura later, then sends one to twitter saying "just got txt from old girlfriend while hanging out with new one... awkward!"

Jeff meets Katrina at a party. Katrina tells Jeff about her ex-boyfriend Louis. Louis is her ex-boyfriend because Katrina caught him getting busy with his coworker Janet. And by getting busy I mean having sex. Jeff is sympathetic and understanding. Katrina and Jeff leave the party together and one thing leads to another. And by one thing leads to another I mean they have sex. The next day Katrina finds Jeff on MySpace and leaves him a cute, flirty comment. Then clicks on his photos, where she finds several photos of him with Louis, and some with Louis and Janet. At their office. Where they all work together.

Mike and Ted are friends with Steven and Francis. Steven and Francis get in some stupid tiff with Ted and then Mike and Ted decide to no longer be friends with them. Mike is especially vocal about not liking Steven and Francis anymore because of what happened with them and Ted. Ted is psyched that Mike has his back. Months later Mike makes up with Steven and Francis and starts hanging out with them again but tells all his friends not to let Ted know. Mikes friends feel uncomfortable but keep their mouths shut. Steven however isn't so quite, and posts photos of them all hanging out on his Flickr account. Mike doesn't know this, but all his friends do, and are just waiting for that bomb to blow up.

So what I'm wondering, is when did people all the sudden forget that when they put things online, other people can see them. And if you have a secret, putting it online isn't the best way to keep it a secret. Did everyone simultaneously suffer head injuries? Are other people seeing this kind of thing or have I just found a patch of online idiots this week?

What? Stupid people exist and they're on the internet?
I'm shocked. Shocked!

try the girl whose boss "stumbles" upon her myspace account which clearly states how much she fucking hates him and that she's been stealing from the company for the last six months.

Personally, I just fucking hate when people who you don't like but are friends with your friends add you... I stay true to form and deny them, just like I do to all the shitty local bands that try to add me, but the consequences can be dire. Social networking sites bring out the high school in people. If anyone who knows me stumbles on this post, please tell your stupid friends to fuck off. That is all.

What about that time Zach had a date with both Kelly and the New Girl on the same night and tried to go on both! The chaos that ensued! He sure learned a big lesson.

how is this news?

Ding ding ding! Who picked reply number four in the pool? Was it Jerry? Jerry! Jerry gets to sit up front in the carpool all week!

You know how new technology applied to a disease will bring in a flood of new diagnoses because the technology allows people to better detect that disease?

The new technology is the Internet. The disease is stupidity.

THIS IS NEWS!

That's why I hate people and set fire to them. But let's keep that our little secret shall we?

I am so telling your mother. You're in so much trouble.

See, this is why I don't use my real name or details online. And no, my skin isn't really that ( <------ see pic ) colour either. This is a lesson I learnt when my mum found my only very lightly disguised first blog five or six years ago and, to my horror, was able to read nice things I'd written about my GF at the time. I think I would've preferred insulting my boss because at least then I wouldn't have the damn thing recited to me every so often when she's drunk and in the mood to annoy me

Suggestion to the author: next time you write something like that, put it aside when you're done and come back to it in a day or two. It's obviously not time-sensitive. (I mean, it was old before it was written.) So do your venting and then come back to it and ask, "Is this really worthy of Suicide Girls?" The article reminds me of the kind of emails I occasionally pour forth in a flurry of indignation (and intoxication) and then have the sense to delete without sending because I don't like to inflict tired rants on my friends.

you've been a member for a few years, so you should know which FAQ link applies to your post by now.

i'm still amazed by the Thomas/Susan story.

lets not discount all those brilliant Darwin award nominees mind you they have to be dead to win it) that went for a job and after having left their myspace URL on the application were turned down for the job because of partying, drugs or other things that are socially unacceptable.....

honestly, someone's keg stand may have impressed their friends but I wouldn't hire their alcoholic ass either.

Sean is a news editor at Suicidegirls. One day he writes a news story about a whole bunch of internet drama that isn't really anyone's business. Nobody gives a crap.

Stop doing that. That is the single most annoying thing I see on Suicide Girls. "How is this news?"

This is hilarious.

honestly, someone's keg stand may have impressed their friends but I wouldn't hire their alcoholic ass either.

But you have to be at least moderately impressed by a girl who can drink from a tap while hanging up side down.

I personally like the reminder that people are, mostly, idiots.

I was actually more surprised to see that my boss and his wife were insulted when I decided to have 2 facebook accounts so they wouldn't be insulted when I denied their friendship with me...
damn idiot bastard boss and his fat ugly wife.... oh, poopiecakes :|

That's the kind of talk that might get you booted from his Top 8.

OMG! I'll have to blog about it somewhere else!!



This is a seriously lame thing to be reporting on.

Wow. You know, the second I think i have seen the most irrelevant and not needed news story ever seen on SG, someone steps up to the plate and raises the bar. Thanks Seanbonnor.
And we will stop asking "how is this news?" when stories like this stop showing up. So piss off.

why yes, yes they did - see the related news article here

it would explain it all

No they won't.

You people should probably whine more.

God, reading that was worse than 5 minutes of MTV's crapreality (I am petitioning for this to become an actual word) programming.