NEWS: War Against Polar Bears Almost Over

POLITICS: War Against Polar Bears Almost Over

Our war against evil polar bears should be wrapped up by 2050, according to scientists. That is the projected year that there will be very, very, few polar bears on the Earth. Then we will have to deal with a massive seal explosion, but bats are being prepared as I write.

I guess Coke will have to find a new mascot, which is upsetting.

The US Geological Survey created the report, which is part of a review to determine whether or not polar bears should be put on the Endangered Species List. Currently there are 22,000 polar bears running around the planet, murdering things. But as temps heat up, sea ice melts and polar bears die.

Yes! It will like we have created polar bear quarantines, which they deserve because they are similar to lepers. Except they kill with their giant paws and gnashing teeth, instead of an infectious disease. Thankfully, there will be no polar bears in Alaska, which means no polar bears in America.

Regardless of what action the world’s governments decide to take on greenhouse gases, the Arctic ice cap will continue to shrink for the next 50 years, so the bears are fucked. This summer the ice shrank faster than any year since satellite tracking began in 1979.

The Fish and Wildlife Service will determine whether or not the polar bear will be placed on the Endangered Species list in January.

Damn, that is so sad, polar bears are so beautiful...

Ah, Colbert...

The fight is almost over, my friend.

Soon, we will know peace...

Serves them right! didn't they know that the color white belongs to our good christian nation!?

there's a "Lost" reference in here somewhere too, but I haven't even had my coffee yet so it falls to someone else.

Canadians?

my GammaWorld character was always an intelligent polar bear
(so is my Build-A-Bear, Horace). i wish the real polar bears were as
heavily armed and vengeful, then maybe human folk would think twice about screwing up their habitats.....

Seal clubs.

Thank God! Once we've taken care of the polar bears we can once again put all of our efforts into another ongoing struggle; our battle against the rainforest! We can show those bastard trees who's boss. Hopefully drilling will begin in Alaska soon and those devil trees near the equator will see it as a form of shock and awe. God bless the USA.

*sigh*... FTR, your sense of irony is beginning to wear thinner than the Arctic ice shelf...

I saw this polar bear at Sea World, San Diego and I couldn't help thinking that this may be the future of for all polar bears (to be placed in captivity). She looked so hot and miserable, such an animal should not be caged. Finally, the clubbing of seals is still sanctioned by the Canadian government and it should be stopped. I wonder, if there is a need to kull back the seal population, what is missing from the equation of natural balance? Natural predators perhaps? Hmm... Another sign of the shrinking polar bear population.

i remember reading about this a few days ago - it really just made me sad. humans are pretty good a fucking up the environment and most of the animals will end up paying and eventually us as well.

here are three links to news reports about this:
cnn
ny times
aol

If god wants them to survive, his divine will shall re-freeze the planet somehow...

By 2050? Damn we can't even finish that war fast enough.

i think we should install a large refrigerator over Nunavut, that should solve all the problems. we could move them to the south pole too, i hear that place gets kinda nippy at times.

Physics notwithstanding.

What's with the little anti-polar bear vibe going on in this thread? They live in the freezing cold so, as humans, what difference does that make to us? Do all you polar bear haters live in places where the polar bear population's so out of control that it's a problem for you?. They're not like brown bears who (I'm told) terrorise certain suburbs. It's sad that we continue to screw our planet because the human animal is superior to any other, no matter the cost to anything. Am I the only one here who's figured it this way?

The war on polar bears is in fact masterminded from Churchill, Manitoba.

Check out this film of repatriation of prisoners of war, and reconnaisance against bears. (Scroll down to "Week of Nov. 22, 2005, "Rick's Visit to Churchill).

One of the most certian patterns in nature is for everything to have a beggining and an end... a birth and a death...

therefore is it not natural for a animal species to have a beggining and an end?

I am beginning to wonder at what point will enviromental changes impact our existance... Over the past severals months I have beggan to notice more and more people sneezing... and I now randomly sneeze at least once a day...

http://soundmedicine.iu.edu/segment.php4?seg=288

I am starting to think about tracking my sneezes to see how much they increase over time... maybe plot them on a scale or graph...

I am wondering if it is do to changing substances in the air... dangerouse algy bloom spores increasing, or the change of php balance in the oceans, etc.

any ways in the end no one gets out alive... we all die in the end...

I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking this.

Half the site has been thinking this since FTR started writing articles. I used to think it myself, but then I found he started growing on me. Like intestinal polyps.

Downside horrible bear deaths, upside they won't actually go extinct. So it's tragic that so many will die but there are much better things we could devote our time and energy to like say renewable and cleaner sources of energy. I really hate articles and stories about things like this because they distract people away from what needs to be done alot of resources get wasted each year on things like this.