NEWS: ...And No One Else Wanted To Play

GEEK: ...And No One Else Wanted To Play

My trip through Canada has turned into more of a fact finding mission than anything else. Sure I'm doing the planned business and socializing but I'm also learning a ton about things I didn't know I didn't know about.

First of all, apparently due to drug advertising regulations a manufacturer can run ads with the name of the drug they are selling so long as they don't mention what it does. This makes for some extremely weird ads - like the one I saw before Superbad in a theater in Toronto. This particular ad was a solid 60 seconds of young girls jumping around and trying on clothes and the voice over saying something about "being your own person" or some crap. I couldn't figure out what it was for to save my life, turns out it was for birth control. There have got to be some insane advertising meetings specing these things out.

Also, if you have a mobile phone and want to use it for any kind of mobile Internet kind of things you are pretty much screwed. As far as I can tell there's no such thing as an all inclusive data plan in the whole of Canada and the providers are totally stoked on bending over the entire country. My US issued CDMA phone works here no problem - for voice, but won't connect to any kind of data network. This is possibly because data costs something like a hundred bucks a MB or so and therefore the networks have them super locked down. Sorry Canada.



Speaking of mobile phones, the folks over at Rogers have put in what might be the flat out stupidest feature I've ever seen. They offer the Sony Ericksson W810i Walkman Phone which, as you might guess from the name, is set up to play music. In fact it has tons of built in music playing software, which lets you play MP3s and things. Well, the smartalics over there at Rogers decided to hijack the "end call" button and make it connect, rather slowly I might add, to their own DRM filled music store instead. This is going to be especially interesting to follow, as Rogers is slotted to release the iPhone later this year.

Finally, not so much something I learned but a learning experience... I was walking down Queen West when I saw a store window display filled with a ton of books a good friend of mine had written. I instantly started smiling and pulled out my camera and started snapping photos of the window so I could show her later. This was all well and good until I noticed people inside looking at me rather oddly, and then processed that my friend Violet writes sex manuals, and the store was a sex book/toy shop, and the books in the window were giving/getting head, fetishes, and generally getting it on and I probably looked like a total creep. Luckily the staff was very understanding when I went inside to try and explain myself.

And yes, I just used the word "staff" in a paragraph about a sex shop.

and I thought we were bad about drug commercials

scenes of people frolicking in a leafy glade -------> herpes drug

?!?!?!

wait are you only just getting that sony phone ? i had that over two years ago here

We get everything late and overpriced. But hey, at least our prescription drugs are cheap.

(In my best Butthead voice)

"Huh, Huh. Huh, Huh. Staff."

Something I found out about you Yanks that surprised me - cigarette companies can offer coupons. I mean, seriously, COUPONS?! As a Canadian where our cigs are highly taxed and have all sorts of warning labels on them and have very restrictive advertising policies, to think that cig companies are allowed to give out COUPONS just struck me upside the head

Yeah, Canada's cell phone services are way behind compaired to the US (at least when looking at cost). No one is willing to give anyone a good deal, it really sucks. Last I checked, we're both way behind compaired to the UK... not to mention much of Asia.

AHA! Some of the many annoyances of living in Canada. Well the cellphone thing at least. All the companies have no features and have some of the highest charging rates in the world. Also I don't mind the no drug ads because when I watch American tv they try to sell me some pointless crap I can live without. And the book... well it's Queen street people expect weird things so don't feel like an outcast!

yah but we still have way better pot and pot laws and hotter chicks and better beer....not to mention health coverage if you are drunk, stoned and get an std...

I don't drink beer or smoke pot, but holy crap you are totally right about the hotter chicks. Wowza!

That used to be the law here, too. It only changed about ten years ago.

Also our Mountain Dew isn't allowed to have caffeine in it.

Yeah, it's awesome.
You get yourself on your brand's mailing list, and they send you tons of coupons and shit in the mail.

there is no point to the mountain dew then. i wouldn't even drink it.

It isn't allowed to? What the hell?

Yeah my hubby's been saying for ages that our cell phone providers screw us - the problem is, we don't have enough companies, so there isn't much competition. Same reason our cable and internet is so pricey...

lmao too funny! yes we have tons of those retarded commercials that dont even tell you anything except...talk to your doctor about 'insert strange prescription name'

I should make a list and ask my doctor sometime lol

Well, duh, didn't you know that you can't frolic in a leafy glade unless you are herpes-free? Otherwise you might give the leafies herpes, which they would then pass on to the next frolickers, and then all hell (or all herpes) would break loose.

You're joking right?

I was thinking the same thing. This is news to me; I want to go buy some Mountain Dew now just to double check this. If so, it'd be one of the only soft drinks we have without caffeine.

And I'm convinced that the cell providers are in collusion. All of the dubious fees and so called special deals seem to show up at the same time among all companies.

the cell phone issue is partial due to the competitive market. also, he's exagerating with the 100$/MB, just so you know. the cost is fairly standardized over the market, and there used to be all inclusive features/rate plans, however some genius at rogers (apparently) decided they could get rid of it and charge whatever they want and people would pay it. so then Bell, and finally Telus followed suit, and the consumer is getting screwed.

Some regulatory group a few months ago actually said canadian cell providers are the 'best' in the world. mind you, these were basically lobbyists, so we all know how well that can be trusted.

at the end of the day, we have a fairly extensive network, almost-standardized fees, and not nearly a) the customer base or b) the competition to have the same plans as the US. and it's like that with a lot of industries.

The intertubes make it seem that in canada they aren't allowed to add caffeine to food that doesn't already have it in it.

"...That is the greatest disease ever. How do you get that? That disease comes with a hot chick and a puppy..."

So what you're saying is they need to add coffee to Canadian Mt. Dew.

Whatever y'all, I'm SO happy that our drug ads are oddly cheerful, enigmatic ask-your-doctor riddles. Watching ads on TLC or CNN for a few minutes you'd think one can ONLY maintain sanity/healthy weight/bowel functions, etc. on meds. (Granted however, the lengthy list of side-effects quickly rattled off at the end are usually quite amusing.) And I like that our sex shops have 'staff', I used to be a Queen street dildo-peddler myself. Yes we're ripped off and don't have various products and services 'cause our population is deemed too small to be worthwhile, but I'll take it if it means fewer guns, more sex, reading, thinking, health care, etcetera.

I am jealous about the Mountain Dew, though there are other sources of caffeine out there. Our MountDew does have veggie oil in it, woo-hoo?