NEWS: The Good News Is That Stephen Baldwin Could Die

POLITICS: The Good News Is That Stephen Baldwin Could Die

Operation Straight Up is an evangelical group of entertainers who are about to embark on a trip to Iraq, where they will entertain the shit out of our troops. The Defense Department's Chaplain's Office oversees OSU's activities and they have picked a great group of people.

OSU entertainers include Stephen Baldwin, the delightful Flying Wallendas, a ventriloquist, a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader, an ex-American Gladiator and Evander Holyfield. Now obviously that group will put on an awesome show, but the entertainment goes far beyond just looking at an ex-boxer with only half an ear and the talentless brother of a talented actor. OSU is also promoting apocalyptic evangelical Christianity to our troops! Yay! Here’s a little sample from the OSU website from their "What We Believe" section.

That is exactly the kind of light-hearted message our troops need to hear right now. And the OSU is not just sending talented entertainers to Iraq; the group is also sending “Freedom Packages” to US soldiers. The package contains white socks, baby wipes and a video game called Left Behind: Eternal Forces. It’s an awesome game in which born-again Christians try to convert or kill “non-believers.” The born-again Christians are “raptured” up to heaven after doing an awesome job of killing people. It’s exactly the kind of mindless entertainment our troops need after spending a day out in Baghdad picking up the bodies of Shiites who were killed by Sunnis in a religious war.

What a great message to give our soldiers who are fighting in a Muslim dominated country. Hopefully some of our troops will take the message to heart and start killing Iraqis just for being Muslims. There is hope, however. The OSU package also includes a book by pastor Jonathan McDowell that is in both English AND Arabic, so our troops can convert the savages instead of having to kill them!

OSU has been schmoozing the Department of Defense for years and this week it is all paying off. OSU will put on a performance inside the Pentagon during which employees and service members can receive "spiritual encouragement via a Biblical message." And they get to have breakfast with Stephen Baldwin! It’s almost like breaking bread with a really ugly Jesus!

After spreading the Lord’s message inside the Pentagon, Baldwin will head to Iraq.

Nice job starting with the word, “Crusade.” Muslims LOVE that word! Hey, if all goes well, Baldwin will be martyred!

Stephen Baldwin's a born again? But...whatever happened to the lovable "bio-dome" stoner? I've lost so much respect for him.

wait...is it possible to have negative respect for an undividual?


hmmm...my spidey senses tell me it is!

Instead?

Can someone please tell me how it is that Alec Baldwin has not performed some sort of honor killing by now?

That group sounded like the guest stars on an episode of "The Love Boat".

Live! From Hawaii's Molokai Island It's not just for lepers anymore!, it's Circus Of The Stars!

He's too busy doing History channel specials about the evolution of man.

I could swear he used Steven Baldwin's picture for at least one of the prehistoric men.

Which, of course, begs the question: where is Kirk Cameron in all of this?

In other news: that Lef Behin' game scares the bejebus out of me.

He had too much dignity to be seen with Steven Baldwin.

Heh, I just realized the dichotomy. That's AWESOME.

They should paint giant crosses on their tunics before battle.

Which Baldwin brother is talented? I can't find one.
Otherwise, great article.

Ok, NOW I'm scared.

Crosses, or cross-hairs?

Someone should ask him to pull out the verses that talk about the "Rapture" in the bible. Dammit, where ARE they?

If he dies, do all the Baldwin brothers die?

Wait, I thought Alec was the Baldwin who was going to leave the US if Bush got re-elected.

i bet they sign their name with a capitol G.

...i am such a dork...

Could Jesus please come down and pick up the Evangelicals now and bring them to Heaven ASAP? They want to get there so badly and we want them to go, so can't we work something out?

Leave Earth to us sinners and heathens!

I will gladly endure an eternity in Hell for another 50 years of not having to see or hear them (or Dickbag, AssFace Kirk Cameron) ever again!

or an episode of Surreal Life, which Baldwin is no stranger to.

"At no greater time is our military acceptant of the principles of God and prayer, than when under extreme danger and concerned about their loved ones at home."


there you go! get 'em while they're weak!

This is the best comment!

What the heck is Stephen Baldwin going to do? Act? We have yet to see that. Don't tell me he is going to sing gospel.