Current Events

TOPICS:

8/13/07

Jim Cramer Loses it On Air [2]

8/13/07

NEWS: A Mighty Huckabee Rises

fountainofdreams

8/12/07

Merv Griffin dies at 82

8/12/07

Arkansas couple welcomes 17th child [5]

fountainofdreams

8/12/07

NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup [2]

8/11/07

NEWS: Is It Wrong To Beat Up A Hummer? [8]

8/11/07

The wait is over, congratulations Mr. Barry Bonds [5]

8/11/07

DARFUR UPDATE: Darfur's rebel groups reach deal

8/11/07

NEWS: Beauty Vs. Brains: Winnie Cooper and the Girly-Girl Conundrum [3]

8/11/07

NEWS: The Good News Is That Stephen Baldwin Could Die [3]

8/10/07

NEWS: Hillary and Her Demon Pal [3]

8/10/07

NEWS: Wil Wheaton's Geek in Review: Sci-Fi Guilty Pleasures of the 80s [3]

8/10/07

Evolution is a Lie. Pat Robertson was Right. [2]

8/10/07

NEWS: A New Generation of Republican Creeps [2]

8/8/07

NEWS: Its Official: Democrats Do Not Have Spinal Columns [5]

WoLfamongstSheep

8/8/07

NEWS: Conservatives Hate Bush Too [12]

8/8/07

NEWS: Dude Tries To Get Through Pants Nightmare [5]

8/7/07

NEWS: Plotting Attraction Theory [3]

8/7/07

NEWS: Welcome To Baghdad [2]

8/7/07

NEWS: Tuesday Tasting: Hardware, Cells and Star Wars

8/7/07

NEWS: Angry Men Make the World Go Round, Angry Women are Incompetent Bitches [2]

8/7/07

NEWS: Can you hear me now? Unfortunately, Yes [3]

8/7/07

NEWS: Wil Wheaton's Geek in Review: One Big Focus Group [2]

life_test_dummy

8/6/07

NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

8/6/07

NEWS: Bill O'Reilly Starts a Fight He Cant Win [6]

8/6/07

NEWS: Hillary Needs To Shut Her Pie Hole [6]

8/6/07

more Progress? in Iraq

8/6/07

NEWS: Why The Leading GOP Candidates Are Chickenshits [2]

8/6/07

Bridge collapse [4]

8/6/07

House passes clean-energy bill

8/6/07

Climate change causing more hurricanes

8/6/07

NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup Double Deluxe Weekend, Part Deux [2]

AbsintheOfMalice

8/6/07

Black Men Are So Scary! Better Suck Their Dicks! [2]

8/5/07

Iraq tells US soldiers Thanks for dying for us but Were going on Vacation"

8/4/07

NEWS: Democrats Great Latino Hope Goes Down (On A Hot Lady) [3]

8/3/07

Was Pat Tillman Murdered? [4]

8/3/07

Tom Snyder, RIP

8/3/07

propel energy water bridge disaster commercial

billybillybilly

8/3/07

NEWS: Magnets: Nature's Shark Repellant? [2]

8/3/07

NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup [2]

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Black Men Are So Scary! Better Suck Their Dicks!

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Keith

Oklahoma City, OK

August 2002

AUG 04, 2007 09:13 AM

By now I'm sure we've all heard the sad story of how conservative Republican Florida State Representative Bob Allen has been accused of paying an undercover cop to let Allen suck his cock, but let's have a recap for those just joining the party:

Titusville Officer Danny Kavanaugh, who was staking out a nearby condo hoping to catch a burglar, said Allen approached him in the men's bathroom at Veterans Memorial Park about 3:30 p.m. Wednesday.

In an arrest affidavit, Kavanaugh said he had washed his hands and, finding the sink's paper-towel dispenser empty, had walked into a stall for the disabled to dry his hands. Allen first peeked over the door and then stepped inside, he said.

Allen proposed the two go across a nearby bridge because "it's quiet over there" and he would perform a sex act on the officer for $20, the affidavit said. They walked to Allen's car, where the officer identified himself and arrested Allen.

Not to worry, though, ye Christian soldiers. Allen has a crackerjack excuse. 'He was black. I was scared.':

In the tape-recorded conversation with police after his arrest, Allen indicates he was scared when approached in the Veterans Memorial Park men's room. He said --quote-- "This was a pretty stocky black guy, and there was nothing but other black guys around in the park."

Think about what that says about Allen's mindset. In his mind, it's preferable to admit to being so scared of a black man that you'll give him money and suck his dick out of fear, rather than simply cop to the honest homosexual desire to blow a dude. I've got a Bingo card full of Republican stereotypes here that I've been checking off, and I think I'll have to call after reading this one.

Although, perhaps it's all part of a pioneering new government "Money and Blowjobs" program Allen was spearheading.

Saraphine

SUICIDEGIRL

Pennsylvania, USA

AUG 04, 2007 09:18 AM

Holy shit! Wow. Lucky we don't all act on 'fear' the same way this guy does. Or unlucky for some I suppose

zarth

Seattle, WA

December 2004

AUG 04, 2007 09:29 AM

This made my day.

sitar

Philadelphia, PA

June 2004

AUG 04, 2007 09:39 AM

alas, If only I were blacker, and scarier,

I could be getting lucky,

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

PatrickY

Vancouver, WA

December 2003

AUG 04, 2007 09:39 AM

Astounding. Simply astounding.

And at this point, I'd like to assert my honest hope that I never become so unattractive that I have to pay someone for the privilege of giving them oral sex. A shallow hope, yes, but that's the kind of guy I am.

unfiltrator

San Francisco, CA

April 2004

AUG 04, 2007 09:45 AM

More people stumbling out of the Republican closet like it was a clown car.

smithers_jones

I'm lost

November 2003

AUG 04, 2007 09:46 AM

The "fight-or-fellate" response is common among animals when they are exposed to threatening or stressful circumstances.

KorbenDallas

Qatar

January 2005

AUG 04, 2007 09:46 AM

Lets hope this guy never gets near any scary animals.

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK

August 2002

AUG 04, 2007 09:49 AM

smithers_jones said:
"fight-or-fellate"

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!

crispy

NEWSWIRE

Philadelphia, PA

AUG 04, 2007 09:54 AM

smithers_jones said:
The "fight-or-fellate" response is common among animals when they are exposed to threatening or stressful circumstances.

Awesome.

How the hell do you even dream up an excuse like that, let alone think people are going to believe you?

mingol

Singapore

July 2005

AUG 04, 2007 10:06 AM

He was so scared of the guy that he followed him into a toilet stall and offered to suck his dick?

Wow.

emotedcreations

Germany

July 2006

AUG 04, 2007 10:12 AM

smithers_jones said:
The "fight-or-fellate" response is common among animals when they are exposed to threatening or stressful circumstances.

Classic. Love it.

zarth

Seattle, WA

December 2004

AUG 04, 2007 10:35 AM

mingol said:
He was so scared of the guy that he followed him into a toilet stall and offered to suck his dick?

Wow.

Eh. Happens to me all the time.

smithers_jones

I'm lost

November 2003

AUG 04, 2007 10:42 AM

Zarth said:

mingol said:
He was so scared of the guy that he followed him into a toilet stall and offered to suck his dick?

Wow.

Eh. Happens to me all the time.

BOO!

zarth

Seattle, WA

December 2004

AUG 04, 2007 10:51 AM

smithers_jones said:

Zarth said:

mingol said:
He was so scared of the guy that he followed him into a toilet stall and offered to suck his dick?

Wow.

Eh. Happens to me all the time.

BOO!

Nice try, kid, but you got it the wrong way around.

Now get into the gimp suit.

Keith

Oklahoma City, OK

August 2002

AUG 04, 2007 11:23 AM

Oh yeah, the source for the second quote, which I meant to link, was

http://wjz.com/topstories/topstories_story_215114410.html

spamtwo

United Kingdom

April 2006

AUG 04, 2007 11:55 AM

imagine what he would have offered if the cop had his gun on show

MrStitches

Brooklyn, NY

November 2003

AUG 04, 2007 11:55 AM

I am crazy scared of really hot chicks, and I have $20. Just putting that out there.

Hussein

I'm lost

March 2004

AUG 04, 2007 12:01 PM

smithers_jones said:
The "fight-or-fellate" response is common among animals when they are exposed to threatening or stressful circumstances.

best. comment. ever.

Waldo_Jeffers

United Kingdom

OLD SKOOL

AUG 04, 2007 12:41 PM

This is the funniest thing I've read all week!!

PRockGirlScout

Portland, OR

October 2005

AUG 04, 2007 12:47 PM

emotedcreations said:

smithers_jones said:
The "fight-or-fellate" response is common among animals when they are exposed to threatening or stressful circumstances.

Classic. Love it.

Seriously. Quite funny.

skeptik

New Orleans, LA

February 2004

AUG 04, 2007 01:04 PM

He sure do got a pretty mouth

Sorry, I got nothin' else.

SockPuppet

I'm lost

July 2006

AUG 04, 2007 03:01 PM

smithers_jones said:
The "fight-or-fellate" response is common among animals when they are exposed to threatening or stressful circumstances.

ahahaha
Funny

dingoes8

Milwaukee, WI

March 2004

AUG 04, 2007 03:50 PM

It must be strange being a cop. I think the first reaction any heterosexual man, cop or no, would have upon being cornered in a bathroom stall and offered money to get blown would be to freak out. It's impressive he played it cool enough to arrest the guy.

The_Reverend

United Kingdom

September 2004

AUG 04, 2007 04:04 PM

i so thought this was going to be a Bitch_Phd thread.

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