NEWS: Pass the Chips, Please. Uh, the Neuroprosthetic Chips, That Is.

GEEK: Pass the Chips, Please. Uh, the Neuroprosthetic Chips, That Is.

Ah, the brain: Powerful, complex, highly funtional, and soon-to-be compatible with the latest technical hardware. Imagine a world in which we could purchase more RAM for our very own noggins! It might be a while before we get there, but researchers at the University of Florida have developed chips which someday might be inserted in our brains.

They're calling it a "neuroprosthetic" chip, and are currently putting their cool $2.5 million grant to use studying the concept in rats, with aims to test in human noodles within the next four years. The initial goal is to repair conditions and disabilities such as paralysis and epilepsy.

I hope that some of these "people who are trying to take engineering approaches for directly interfacing with the brain" are thinking about the commercial possibilities, here. Forget the CliffsNotes—buy the neuroprosthetic chip with the whole damn book on it! Or, if you've got the funds, splurge on the entire college education, complete with honorary degree! Traveling to Karachi, but don't speak Urdu? Get the damn chip! Traffic school, just buy the chip! Those pesky wedding vows, or the stats for that upcoming presentation at work? Special order it! Whatever you need help remembering, we can remember it for you wholesale.

Jack me in.

another fine example of life imitating art

Terminal Man

Johnny Mnemonic

Orbital Mind Control Lasers

We can hope the chip and firmware development tools are Linux-based, not Micro$oft.

Personally, I think all technological research should be suspended until 4 fundamental things have been created:

1. Light sabers

2. Material Transporters

3. Holodecks

4. Replicators

Then, and only then, may such frivolous things as disability curing brain-chips be invented

I would like off, please.

Yeesh, I don't even want to think about what a BSOD could do to a person. *shudders*

Where can I volunteer?!?!?!?!!?
Can I get an optical heads up display with that too!!???!?!?!?

I for one will be leading a rebellion against the techno-zombie empire.

How 'bout a little EMP, Scarecrow! Hyaaa!

I just got done watching Total Recall 2 nights ago. Or did I?

How about Exosquad, anyone remember that show? The American cartoon show where humans plug into their mecha via a port on the back of their necks? The plugging into The Matrix concept seems borrowed from that show, where I'm sure Exosquad probably borrowed it from somewhere else.

Oops, that is what i really wanted.

i hope these are developed and the government mandates everyone gets the "stop being a fat, greedy asshole" chip. let's start making the world a better place.

It's borrowed from this movie

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079285/

Something like this?

Uh-huh. And the only reason parents are being encouraged to microchip their kids is to ensure their safety in the event of criminal abductions, etc. And the goal of GMO agriculture is to end world hunger. And, uhh, we're only over there in Iraq so as to bring democracy to them peoples.

And, yeah of course, there's lots of potential corporate profit to be had, but that's entirely beside the point. And they aren't even thinking about things like population control or total world domination, those ideas never entered their minds, I'm sure...

red dwarf

Rimmer's older brothers got 'encyclopedia' chips but he didn't as his parents couldn't afford it for him. I wasn't a fan of that bit of the plot as it gave a reason for rimmer being a failure other than his own mental issues.


I'm totally fine with it's use in helping the disabled, letting
Amina walk better. And totally disgusted with all the possible ways the technology could be misused.

Well, you know, in the end it can't be much worse than this.

Cool..so I can go back to huffing.

*inhales*

I wonder if tinfoil hats will remain an effective defense once the mind control is inside your mind???





Maybe I'm being myopic here, but I personally think that the possibility of treating and curing some life-altering neurological disorders and malfunctions for which there have oftentimes been pretty much no recourse is pretty goddamn sweet--and my reaction stops there. I have no desire to jump immediately into these wild sci-fi-novel hypotheticals about mind control and government abuse and shit, and I frankly see no logical purpose to doing so. What if you were severely epileptic? I bet you'd be all over this microchip idea if the only other treatment option after a certain point in the development of the disorder was to have significant chunks of your brain removed.

Why do people insist upon serving up this 1984-esque paranoia in response to every advance we make? People make this exact sort of paranoia-ridden argument against stem cell research and therapeutic cloning, you know. Are you against that, too?

first person to try to put AOL in my head's remains will be found scattered across the countryside in what can only be described as "artistic sculptures."

that said, i want a phone in my head that's operated by my mind and a HUD-like imaginary display that i can call up at will pronto.

Or from Sci-fi literature, where it has been a staple for decades.

You know...the GOOD sci-fi....not craptastic movies.

Yeah! I want the government to mandate brain implants and what behaviors get implanted. No chance for misuse there, nope.

1) Murphy's Law: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

2) Finagle's Law: Murphy was an optimist.

3) The Government is not your friend.

4) Doctors are just as human and fallible as any of their patients.

a) My oldest sister died at age 7 from a brain tumor that was misdiagnosed as an emotional disturbance. After 2 years of money wasted on psychotherapy, the truth was discovered during the autopsy.

b) My father almost died 3 years later of colon tumors that were misdiagnosed (by different doctors) as an emotional disturbance. Having your guts in continual pain can make you depressed and grouchy.

c) It took the doctors 15 years to figure out that my surviving sister had an ovarian cyst. When removed, it burst. From the fluid volume, it was estimated to have weighed 50 pounds.

d) It took the doctors 30 years to get around to correctly diagnosing me with Bipolar Disorder and Post-Taumatic Stress Disorder.

5) Computer engineers and programmers have a well-earned reputation for going off into la-la land, designing things the way they imagine they ought to be without first checking to see how things actually are.

a) I have yet to see a CADD program that puts a T-square, triangles, protractor, and compass on the screen. I haven't seen a way to rotate an ellipse either, though perhaps some high-end application that I haven't had a chance to try will do it.

b) I have yet to see an OS or an application that implements "resolution" in the same sense that I learned it in my High School Graphic Arts (print shop) class 40 years ago.

pick me... PICK ME!

WTB Internet in my head... That would make gameshows rather pointless. It would become who can search google better...

Well, 2, and 4 use similar technology. I think your list is missing something important though. Hoverbikes.