NEWS: American Technology: Fuck Yeah!

GEEK: American Technology: Fuck Yeah!

As you may remember from previous articles, I have yet to hesitate when it comes to welcoming our over-the-top weapon overlords. As technology progresses ever forward toward the future, everything is bound to get a little more creative, and military intelligence is naturally no exception. The surprising thing is that the technology of the future looks a lot like an '80s sci-fi movie. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

First of all, who doesn't love laser guns? That was a trick question: everybody loves laser guns. I dare you to show me someone who has never even secretly dreamed about charging through a bay of the Death Star, pursued by a horde of storm troopers, blaster pistol blazing for a daring escape; in turn, I'd show you someone who has never truly dreamed. Of course, the only things more awe-inspiring than swift hand-held laser weapons are mammoth ground vehicle-mounted laser weapons. Remember the Battle of Hoth -- when all those Imperial Walkers showed up, all lasers and ion cannons akimbo, lumbering over the ice planet's rebel base like creaking metal elephants of law over so many matchstick houses? You bet you do; it's some powerful imagery. The U.S. Army also remembers, and that's when their imagination really started to run wild. I can picture them saying, "Sure, we don't have any AT-ATs... yet... but what do we have?" Then, visions of felled Iraqi X-Wings dancing in their heads, they set about finding who would be willing to mount laser cannons onto tanks.

Yes! Thank you, Boeing, for getting this ball rolling. As the article points out, laser cannons have some obvious advantages over even already-advanced radar-controlled rifles: they are faster, they eliminate the worry of errant shells, and also they are awesome. Boeing's initial development contract is for a paltry $7 million, but chances are high that this will be huge. Once these get off the ground and into combat, everyone else may as well give up. Anyone can come at us with all the Molotov cocktails and dirty bombs they want; we will have laser cannons. Star Destroyers can't be far behind.

Of course, our army is not content to get just one eighties movie reference all up in their tactical warfare. DARPA, everyone's favorite semi-clandestine Pentagon research branch, is reportedly hard at work trying to design software that will predict battle outcomes for military commanders. The goal of the program, thus far code-named "Deep Green," is to identify plans going awry and develop possible alternatives ahead of time, allowing troops to always stay one step ahead of disaster. It's apparently a fairly complicated process, and if I'm reading this right it involves what sounds like back-issues of Beetle Bailey and every book I ever checked out from the school library in fourth grade.

Sweet! War is a turn-based Choose Your Own Adventure novel. I sure hope Deep Green comes with the option to surreptitiously keep a thumb in the last page visited, so that if you get to a page that says "YOU HAVE ENTERED A TRAP, AND ARE KILLED BE INSURGENTS. END." you can flip back really quickly before anybody notices.

Actually, in my heart of hearts, what I truly hope is that after searching through millions of options, the program eventually comes to the conclusion that the only winning move is not to play; then maybe we could put all the weapons down and slowly back away from World War Three.

But, then, what would we do with all these lasers?


_DictionaryGirl_ wants to know how it is that we can be building AT-ATs and WarGames computers, but she can't get her computer to work for more than a month without having to send it in to the shop for repairs. What gives, man?

Also, super-props to geniuses Admiral_Pants and baudot for pointing out Deep Green's roots in computer-based chess mastery. I've always been more of a Battleship kind of girl.

I'd bet that they're going to ammend the geneva convention to include lasers. I mean is there really any practical use for incinerating people on the battlefield?

try building your own comp. i find it's much easier to get it to work that way

and to hell with laser blasters, i want a fucking light saber!!!!!!!!

We have been working on a system like that for a while now I remember reading about a joint US Israeli program to build the same thing to keep hezbollah Rocket attacks from hitting into israel.

I for one can't wait till we have AT AT walkers and a deathstar.

The laser system they are building is for shooting down incoming rockets and aircraft, so no big worry there. However, and I am sure _DictionaryGirl_ will agree with me, lasers shooting at rockets is even cooler that lasers shooting at ground troops.

Star Wars blaster tech involves a force field envelope containing some sort of energy (not laser energy). They are expelled from the weapon and when they come across any resistance the force field is sort of forced out of the way so said resistance then suffers burn damage from the energy. Lightsabers are based on a similar principle but are more efficient because the energy is being constantly recycled, at least until you start cutting things with it.

...Or so I read somewhere, many years ago, when I wanted to find out why Star Wars laser blasts didn't travel at the speed of light.

In the past few decades the more advanced militaries have contemplated developing laser weaponry for use somewhere other than in/from space. These plans have always been rejected before any serious money is spent. This is because laser energy is light energy, and the only counter you need is a conveniently-placed mirror. Imagine how much cheaper it would be to develop a defence against a laser weapon than to develop the weapon itself. We won't be seeing any Star Wars battles anytime soon.

I suspect this contract is more about making money than giving the troops a practical defence against incoming missile attacks and the like. Maybe I'm wrong and modern tech is capable of such a thing; in which case I'd rather have a lightsaber to do my gardening with.

(And they've been trying to do the battle computer thing for decades. I suspect they can't keep up with the tech advancements.)

They sure are cooler that way. However, neither of these options can hold a candle to lasers shooting at large, futuristic industrial facilities that are controlled by the forces of badness which then explode into an enormous mushroom cloud of flame on the horizon at night as you and your gang of disheveled, badness-fighting space comrades watch from across an alien desert before bouncing up to orbit and leaving the quadrant in your star-cruiser full of bravos. Sure you guys break all the rules but somehow you get it right in the end.

Boeing need to pull their sock up a little in the old ambition department if you ask me.

The thing to me that is unnerving as hell about announcements for these sorts of high-budget projects for the military (yes, I am aware that $7 - 50 million is not exactly huge, but could make a huge difference in what I am talking about) is that we aren't even training troops as thoroughly as we should be, nor sending them into Iraq with body armor or those humvees that are resistant to IEDs. I'm all for technology, but only after the troops get the more basic supplies everyone seems to agree they deserve.

It's too bad the lasers are invisible and make no sound. I'd give anything for a giant red bursts of pewpewpew!

i think we are failing to see the bright side here. everyone know giant lasers mounted on trucks help fight tooth decay. duh! i also heard they help with after school programs too.

Lasers are awesome!

Pew pew pew pew!

Shall we play a game?

I read about those lasers in 1999/2000 I think, They have been around for awhile now. Defiently geek cool but when you think about it its awhole new level of destructive power, very very destructive.
I wish the Military would be asked if not forced to develop non lethal weaponry. There was a lot said about it in the 80's then ..... nadda. If i can find links on said non lethal weapons i'll post some.

The Israeli invention is a rocket launcher that detects RPG fire and fires its own RPG at it so that it explodes at some distance. Lasers are too slow to acquire for hitting RPGs, which have short "in air" times.

As for the article, im reminded of this article:

Peace activist admits barrett 50 call rifle is "pretty cool"

a weapon of such nature would not be used on troops (for the most part, haha). weaponry, buildings, vehicles (air or ground), etc would be the focus.

the barrett is bad ass. my preferred toy is the m240b, with the m249 a close second.

The enemy is dead. There's a practical use. =P

I kinda like rail guns more than laaaasers though.

That would do nothing more than create yet another provision of the Geneva Conventions that the Emp - er, Republic will feel entitled to ignore.

The Empire doesn't use light sabers.

Inexplicable? Or am I misreading your tone there?

Deep Green sounds like a riff off of Deep Blue, IBM's chess playing computer. It also sounds like a nice idea on paper that will take many generations to get right in reality. I imagine we'll have a working version that can predict the results of a stand-up fight in a year or two. That's just an RTS game with a modified interface and carefully tweaked troop variables. How many battles are stand-up fights, though?

Zip. It's all bug-hunts, these days.

OMG! PEW PEW PEW!

Turbo lasers and blasters Use Tibiana gas excited by a laser and contained in a packet, they are closer to Plasma cannons than they are to actual lasers and they are also FAR more powerful.

also the guy in the article is a fool you can get a bolt action Barrett for around 2,000 thats much more affordable.