NEWS: Little Wizard Needs Food...BADLY

GEEK: Little Wizard Needs Food...BADLY

A pair of chaotic evil gamers named Michael and Iana Straw have plead guilty to child neglect after failing to stop playing Dungeons & Dragons Online to feed their two young children.

Now, I'm no DM but I would wager their actions will certainly result in an alignment change and or a loss of level or Paladin status. Oh, and jail. I find this an especially odd story because I've never heard of hardcore gamers that didn’t have a treasure hoard of delicious snacks within an arm's flop of the keyboard...

Oh, well that explains that.

I knew they had food though. The only remaining mystery is where did the pair get all the gold pieces come from to pay for the high speed internet?

I guess somewhere in the orgy of spending and gaming there was some actual, real-life sexual contact becuase the two dumb asses rolled-up a couple of new human characters. Frankly, those two babies are off on a quest to a better place.

Why couldn’t it have been World of Warcraft? Or meth? Dungeons and Dragons needed this PR hit like a prismatic spray to the face.

Since Gary Gygax conjured up a turn-based role playing game and published it through his company, TSR his wonderful game has been called everything from satanic to brainwashing.

For now, their vile campaign is at an end. Ogres Michael and Iana, hand in your character sheets: your're done. You face the maximum banishment of a dozen years in one of Nevada's dungeons. The couple are imprisoned in a soul trap where inmates that harm children are preyed upon at every turn. Their two younglings are doing well and putting on weight in foster care.

Finally, some in the media will take this incident as an opportunity to beat up video games...but I have another axe to grind. I would like to point out that this could never have happened if they were playing D & D like God intended - with a pencil, character sheet, painted figurine, and bags of doritos and dice. There's just no way that you could assemble an entire campaign of such heartless souls that would play through the cries of hungry babies. That's why we pick up swords in the first place. To smite such evil.

On the plus side maby Chick publications will write an updated anti DnD pamphlet addressing how many thousands of babies go hungry each year because of the satanic grip DnD has on their parents.

I had to double-check the names to make sure I don't know them. It sounded too familiar.

There is no possible way that could be construed as a "plus."

Quite so.

WHO WILL JOIN ME IN THIS NOBLE CRUSADE?!?

This is nothing new. There have been stories for years about stupid people like this. Many stories come out of Taiwan, Korea and China. One guy died after playing for 37 hours straight without getting up for anything at all. Ended up with blood clots in his legs that eventually killed him.

For Fuck's sake...

While I agree that it is amazingly hard to ignore a couple of rugrats while gaming, I beg to differ on your stance as to why we pick up swords in the first place.

I do it to be as twistedly evil as possible. Earlier this week, for instance, my group showed a couple of 8-year-old girls a ghost so that they magically aged 10 years, then sold them to a bunch of sailors for 150gp apiece.

But really. MMOs are insane. I love gaming, but I think MMOs are what really take the devoted gamers over the edge.

my favorite geek child abuse still has to be the couple who taught their kid only klingon.

aka this guy

without question - they're in the hall of shame. or fame.

they're the tops (bottom)

You're confusing abuse with preparation for the future.

sad story, wonderful article title

I have met people like this, I had several friends like this and it is really sad. Most people can play video games and not get this attached but some people lose sight of reality and everything around them crashes down as they stare in rapt fascination at the colorful pixel graphics swarming across their computer monitor. My friends got their kids taken away as well, it sucked for them but it also woke them up. See I believe that video game addiction is just as bad as a chemical substance. I used to be an addict but I went through a harsh rehabilitation process, I won't touch video games any more unless I am playing with my friends too. I hope this wakes these folks up, because if not well, it will be a sad sad life for them.

True story.

When I was in the sixth grade I got a bad report card and my mom took all my D&D stuff in a wheel barrow to the front yard, put it in a giant pile, BURNED it in front of the whole neighborhood and I was never allowed to play D&D again.

you sould have cast water, right?

This is sad.

Hahaha, awesome, Gerry.

Nice nod to "Gauntlet" as well...

going by the trek universe timeline, we don't make contact with the klingons until roughly 2218, so the kid is still SOL.

i expect we'll have a rant from bitch_phd to this effect within the hour

I want you now more than ever.

Okay, but their kid is going to have kids, right? It's called passing on knowledge.

This is fucked up, that you would make jokes.

I understand you're mocking the parents, but two children nearly fucking died.

Down right comedy.

(Obviously, not regarding the poor kids though...)

ROLL THE DICE TO SEE IF I'M GETTING DRUNK!!

You just rolled a saving throw for "funny"