NEWS: Gut Feelings, al-Qaeda, Turkeys and a Corpse Eating Badger. ItÂ’s Summer!

POLITICS: Gut Feelings, al-Qaeda, Turkeys and a Corpse Eating Badger. It’s Summer!

Ah, summer. What a fantastic time to take a look at the Iraq war and our scary enemies, The al-Qaedas. And itÂ’s good news! While we have been focused on not getting anywhere in Iraq, al-Qaeda has been eating their spinach and getting stronger. According to a new CIA report, al-Qaeda has been able to rebuild its operating capability back up to pre-9/11 levels.

We're ignorant! But at least our security officials know how to calm us down in these precarious times.

That’s weird, I have a “gut feeling” that he is not very good at his job. I guess we can just be thankful that our president has been focused on Iraq, where we now call every every insurgent a member of al-Qaeda.

That’ll work. Man, there are going to be a lot of dead al-Qaedas. I have a “gut feeling” about that. Actually, I think there are just going to be a lot of dead people in Iraq, because Bush’s surge is about as successful as his original invasion of Iraq. By that, I mean it is a total failure.

Since the surge began, it turns out al-Qaeda has actually become
stronger in Iraq, too!

ItÂ’s like a reverse surge, or an anti-surge, or like they are unsurging. The number of attacks has increased sharply in Baghdad, Salahaddin, Diyala and Basra. Even attacks on the Green Zone have sharply increased.

It is just a big fuck pie. I donÂ’t know how it could get any worse. Wait, yes I do! Turkey will invade the Kurdish territory. Yay!

Just give it about three weeks. Right now, Turkey is really obsessed with itself because they country is in the middle of a heated campaign. The Islamic government and the military-backed secular establishment are battling it out for the July 22nd elections. As soon as the election is over, itÂ’s game on! Two hundred thousand Turkeys will be rushing over the border into Northern Iraq.

Yesterday, Turkey accused the US of allowing American weapons to fall into the hands of Kurdish guerillas. Hey, what does that remind me of? Statements like this from the Turkish Prime Minister donÂ’t help.

See that, George? They are going to “protect” themselves from “terrorists.” And a “foreign country” is responsible for weapons flowing into their country. Sound familiar, you stupid asshole?

Wow, it canÂ’t get any worse than that. Wrong! It can! Now corpse-eating badgers are attacking Southern Iraq. Holy fuck! ItÂ’s like the Apocalypse!

The port city of Basra is now fighting a battle for survival against giant human eating badgers. According to local townspeople, the Badgers were unleashed upon the area by British forces. But local scientists and the British military say the badgers have been in the area since 1986 and will not attack human unless provoked. Really? Then how do you explain this?

Eating cows and punching ladies on the head. It is fucking chaos. And there's a video!



Okay, at first I was freaked that dude is so comfortable prancing about with a dead animal. I have never picked up road kill. Not once. Which means I have never picked up road kill, then turned to my buddy and said, “Get the camera, I’m gonna run around with this bitch!”

But once I got passed that thought, I started to take a look at that motherfucker. That is one horrible badger. It has giant teeth and big claws. It is a monster, plain and simple. A human killing, English-created beast sent to attack and kill the good people of Basra. Obviously. The video proves it.

Iraq is fucked and the way this summer is going, soon Dick Cheney will slough off his skin, turn into an energy force of pure evil and terrorize the planet for eternity.

Greaaat

Thank you for presenting this information in such a hilarious way.
I'd probably be crying otherwise.
Although, the idea of terrorist bagers is hilarious. When are we going to target them in our war on terror?

I always knew badgers would have a hand in the apocalypse. err, sorry they would have a claw in it.

if i don't make it to old age i want to be killed by a ravernous badger , its an interesting story for people to be told.

you don't forget somebody who was killed by a badger

I've got nothing logical to say, except that maybe I should start a band:

The Fabulous Al Kayda and his Corpse-Eating Turkey Badgers

Best. Band. Everrrrr.

Can't we do something to impeach the whole administration???

Maybe the Badgers can be put to work for Homeland Security.

Just a thought.

Al Qaeda is getting stronger, and some government dude has a gut feeling we're going to be attacked??! Well you'd be a terrorist NOT to support the war now!

When I heard the story of the killer Badgers, I laughed...I also found another story from the middle east that I found very interesting: It is a story from Afghanistan, where a rumor of a killer text message has spread...
( unfortunately, the link will not display, so if you have the patience, you can copy and paste it from here:

http://www.mobilephone.co.uk/news/2007/Apr/panic-spreads-over-'killer'-mobile-phone-virus.html
)

When asked about his "gut feeling" Chertoff said, "well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of Al Queda chatter in the New York area. Based on this morning's reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds. "

That's a big Twinkie, people. Wake up America!

SUUUURGE!!!

So, there are badgers that attack people? In Iraq? And they're possible tools of the British? I guess?

That's a bad fucking place.

This sucks, I just found out that a new military benefits plan is coming out, yes indeed. Because of the adamant threats to cut funding for the war, when they refuse to give bush money for the war he will just take away the benefits that troops get. Not entirely take away give us a choice of benefits, thats right because fucking congress keeps harping on dubyah hes going to withdraw the perks of being a troop. Then the military out cry will be huge and congress will be the bad guy for cutting funding. I know this sounds stupid and winy, wah wah I don't get my free health care and food anymore, but when you are in a job that pays you shit, and you work hours that civilians are never subjected to, on top of getting shot at and killed extra perks are always a necessity. This is really out of the ordinary for me I usually do not criticize the administration, but if that happens, the army times says it will, then I am going to be really unhappy. Especially since this is my career of choice.

I don't know why you ca't just look on the bright side, FTR. Iraq will be very peaceful when everyone there is dead.

Aldous, you are correct, that is your career of CHOICE.

Have you ever read Brave New World, or BNW Revisited??? Huxley is one of my favorite authors, and I don't know why anyone who is a fan if his work could like our government enough to join the military. Live with your choices, like the rest of is who have chosen poorly in their career path. After all, you could be a Teacher.

Please do not mistake this for anti-soldier sentiment. I have the deepest respect for the people in uniform and what they do. It is where they are doing it, and how our government is misusing them that insults my American Sensibilities. In fact, I was once a soldier myself.

I got better...

You do realize he's been diverting funds from many important programs since day one? I mean I feel bad for you, I really do, and taking away money for soldier benefits is just about the most despicable thing the man could possibly do, but the trend isn't a new one. I'm sorry your going to be losing some important benefits, but I thought it was worth mentioning...

phew, talk about using levity to lighten the mood of this clusterfuck in which we currently find ourselves.

if the badgers eat you, the terrorist will have won! and if we don't fight the badgers over there, they'll swim across the ocean to eat us here!

Are you kidding me? Sure everyone has to live with their choices, but you think he doesn't have the right or shouldn't bitch about a president who is diverting health care benefits to soldiers who he stubbornly refuses to remove from harms way? Give me a fucking break. Grow up.

Cutting funding for health care and groceries of soldiers is un-american. This will not stand.

Yep, that's how it always goes down.

See what's happening? He's pitting the military against the people who are trying to keep soldiers from getting shot.

Let's keep this in perspective: His administration is deciding what to cut. His administration decided that body armor was too expensive for our underpaid military, while Halliburton's overpriced logistics and Bechtel's (and others') private security forces are apparently worth every penny. (?!)
And his administration decided to get us into this mess without any clear idea of how to get out.

The Congress makes the budget, but it's the DoD and other branches who decide how it's spent. He hold his own purse strings, not the voters. So, the choice is in his hands -- if he chooses to overpay Halliburton etc for bullshit, while continuing to ripoff the hard-working soldiers, then it's obvious who he's really concerned about.

Ahh yes, pitting the military against the People. Suddenly my mind flashed back to my own Basic Training where we were once again being told how the American Civilian was the enemy, even our friends and family. I (perhaps foolishly) raised my hand and asked politely, "Umm, then who are we defending?" The silence only lasted for about 10 seconds before the CO responded, "OURSELVES!" which was quickly drowned out by the bleating of many sheep.
It is interesting to put this together with some of the more paranoid stipulators of our times who think the government will soon begin to use our own troops against us. I do not believe for a second that most soldiers would fire on civilians, but stranger things have happend historically.

Ok, I'm going to stop now, before I scare myself into action....

Mushroom Mushroom!