Are Americans disconnected from one another?

This is a question which is the basis behind a new blog of mine: Never Talk To Strangers

And so I figure the best place to ask for opinions about this is on the SG forums (I haven't posted here in almost a year, where did I go?)

The idea is that Americans have no interest in each other outside of a social setiing: parties, clubs, and bars. In my experience, in places like crowded buses, shopping malls, and even coffee shops, people have so many thick walls of ice up that meeting new people is virtually impossible, and if you even try engaging someone, you come off as "weird".

Some Europeans I've spoken to have told me that this is behavior which is unique to America. They say that in places abroad, people are not nearly as distrustful to one another. Is this true, or am I just describing human behavior which applies everywhere?

Even as a saturated American, I notice huge amounts of cliqueyness (way beyond high-school) where young people in their 20's prefer hanging around socially uniformed people, instead of being diverse. I sometimes feel like people are raised with type-cast roles, and this carries over into adulthood.

Finally, there's this tidbit:
Kansas Shoppers Step Over Dying Woman

Which just has me speechless.

So, any thoughts / opinions, especially from people abroad?

Another question would be what is the difference between dense urban areas and rural. I lived for a few years in rural Minnesota and found folks were much friendlier overall. Back in California the fences go back up.

that tidbit is... wow... people even took a picture ?

but yeah, I know, talking to strangers is kinda odd... I mean, the only people with whom that seems perfectly acceptable is latin americans... even here in Canada, latin americans will speak at random with each other even while being total strangers. Well there's always old people too but those are just weird, right ?

Personally, I don't speak with strangers... I'm weird enough as it is...

I hate strangers who talk to me. I hate them hard.

I don't know. I live in a relatively metro area in Louisiana and people are really friendly here, although not to the extent they are in my very small (1500 pop.) town. I think it has a little to do with population density and city-bred cynicism. Somehow it seems to me that folks are a little friendlier here in the South -- I have lived in both Northern and Southern states.

i wish i could hate them to death.

I don't talk to people, and I appreciate it when others reciprocate. I'm not rude about it, though.

Northerners are WAY more standoffish than southerners. The NE of the country anyhow I lived in NJ for over 20 years and the difference between up there and down south is like night and day.

americans are known for more shallow/fake friendly crap than in europe "have a nice day!" etc. people are much friendler to strangers in the US than anywhere i have lived over here.

This is true. Most of the time when you go into a store in America, even if you're a stranger you hear "How are you?" or "Hey, how's it going?" On the other hand, you certainly don't get a "Ca va?" upon entry to a shop in Paris if you're unknown to them. But as you said, that's more a matter of not bothering with superficial question people don't really want an honest answer to.

In terms of being generally and genuinely interested in strangers, however, I tend to agree with those who have said it's more an urban vs. rural thing.

The two reasons why I don't like random strangers (or customers at my work) making idle chit chat with me are 1). They usually don't have anything interesting to say, and 2). either their breath stinks or they are wearing so much cologne/perfume that it's positively nauseating.

Maybe it is because I grew up in the South, but even in Houston, random strangers will start talking to me out in public. Sometimes it is annoying, but I've actually had some fun conversations standing in line at the store.

I don't know if it is because I'm pregnant, but the other day a little old man at the gas station shooed me back into my truck and pumped my gas for me. It was quite possibly the cutest thing that has ever happened to me.

Mythology, pure and simple.

Rural/Urban may be a factor (and the south tends to be more rural.) But I have lived for long periods in both places and there is really no difference - at least not in any experience I have ever had.

I lived in the south with very long hair and a gigantic beard (yes, I was a hippie - I still love patchouli). When I was managing a farm I got along great with the old farmers (though they loved to poke fun when I visted the local hardware store.) In Birmingham (one of the largest cities in the South) I got all kinds of shit.

However, in my neighborhood in PA, we knew and talked with everyone. While on the streets of Philadelphia, making eye contact was not done.

Since I have moved to the wilds of CT, people have been very friendly.

Internationally, I have found the French warm and the English cold and jugemental.

Assholes and misanthropes (the second of which I count my self among) are evenly distributed in the population. They just tend to congregate in cities.

Britains cities and larger towns are pretty similar, I'd say. Generally if I tried to say hi to someone in a coffee shop, I'd get a polite smile at the most.
Not that I'd try to say hi to anyone in a coffee shop. They're all weird.

i've actually heard and experienced the exact opposite of what you are saying. what friendly european country do your friends come from? i bet you anything they just come from a smaller town or something.

like other people said, it's more of an urban/rural thing. plus when you are packed together like sardines (like many countries in europe) there is a different idea of personal space--just like big cities in the US. no one wants a bunch of random idiots talking to them in elevators or trams. really, you don't. in certain places like switzerland if you say ANYTHING to the person next to you in a tram it's considered rude--i mean come on. give people a little space and respect when you are 2 inches away from them.

americans are the ones who tell your their whole life story while sitting on an airplane. americans are the ones who say "let's like totally get together some time!" and give you their phone number when you barely know them. americans are the ones who like to tell you their opinion on everything and share their intimate "feelings" with people they barely know.

people look at me here like i am totally nuts if i reveal anything personal about myself before i have known them for 2 years.

i am italian

la vita è bella!

anyone in rome will get a love declaration just by walking around in central squares in summer nights

Me too, in my shop it's both the American and Canadian tourists who are always extremely polite and chatty.
Plus, American customers call me 'maam'. I find it bizarre, but I like it.

Not many others are friendly at all.

This interests me. I've noticed that older Latino/Hispanic (hell, I don't even know the right term to use) women are more likely to come up to me and rub my belly and talk to me about being pregnant. Even if they don't speak English.

And the men... Well, lets say that I have noticed that the Hispanic guys hanging out at the gas station have absolutely no problem letting you know that they are interested in you. And pretty much any other woman that walks by.

Well nick your personal experiences and mine are different. However to say it's mythology as a bit, dishonest. (I can't quite think of the word I mean to say there nick I'm not calling you a liar, perhaps it's the closer you get to NY city then because having lived in NJ you run into all sorts of asshats.

Try coming to the south even the metro areas are warm and friendly.

It seems like it's mostly regional, and some people like friendliness and others prefer to be left alone, depending on the place and person. Thanks for the comments everybody, I'll post a couple on my blog, if anybody's interested.

I don't say it is mythology because you said it, I say it is mythology because I have heard it all my life (mostly from Southerners, or people who have relocated to the South) and have observed no real life correlates of it.

And, NYC is like no other place in America. Saying the people in the North are rude because people in NYC are (and I would call them rude so much as having a higher threshold for necessary interaction,) is like saying all apples have worms because you bit one that did. It is a logical fallacy.

No, it really is mythology. Northeasterners are used to a faster pace and get down to business faster than southerners, on the average. Some people misunderstand that. Southerners tend to display a superficial friendliness but tend to be just as exclusive and far more judgemental of the average stranger as a typical northerner, or more so (see Keri's comment above). Get past the polite platitude and see how fast you're truly accepted into local society if you move into any small southern town as a stranger - it'll be about equal (or longer) than if the location were reversed.

I do a lot of business in Manhattan with a wide variety of clientele and everyone gets the same reasonable chance to prove themselves pleasant and decent, or not.