NEWS: Early iPhone Adopters

GEEK: Early iPhone Adopters

So I was up super early Saturday morning in order to score EDC tickets from a contest on 90.7fm KPFK-Los Angeles* which meant I was able to scoop up the Los Angeles Times right as it hit my doorstep. As I skimmed through the paper on my way to the oh-so-important Comics section, an article on the front page of the Business section concerning the launch of the highly anticipated iPhone caught my eye. Upon finishing the article I had to stop and fucking hate every rich fucker that got an iPhone this weekend with every inch of my soul.

Apparently the queues posted out side of Apple stores across the nation were filled with even more lameness than the PS3 launch. Not only were there your typical way-too-well-off 16-year-olds planning to flip them on eBay for an insane markup, but the lines were also heavily seasoned with corporate brown-nosers and executive slaves.

Now I'm a big nerd so I've stood in line for a whole plethora of things, including tickets for opening night of Star Wars Ep III** and the launch of the Wii***. There is something noble about braving the queue for a movie/product launch. The trials one faces in line; be it having to withstand the unbearable cold or insane heat, put up with the passing hecklers, or, depending how ruthless the people standing in line are, having to hold a piss in for an ungodly amount of time, make it oh so sweet when that shining moment happens and you become one of the first people on the planet to own that shiny new gadget. Not only do you have the god damn thing, but you got a story to go along with it and in some cases, battle scars even.

That is why I was so nauseated with the content of that LA Times article. This launch wasn't about how cool this little fucking contraption is at all, it was about status amongst other rich douchsacks. It was about earning “brownie points” with your boss. It was a complete perversion of a time honored tradition with in the geek community. It's just as bad as those fuckers on Xbox Live that pay for unlockables and achievement points instead of actually earning them. It's going to be so hard to look at an iPhone owner now and not think that they are a complete poser. Then again, considering the price of Apple products, early adopters usually tend to be smug assholes.

My heart goes out to those poor bastards that put themselves though business school, spending late nights writing thesis papers and studying for exams in hope to land that dream job with a big time firm but wind up being some chode stuffed in a suit's line monkey.

To all of you that stood in line this last weekend to get an iPhone for your own personal use, I wish nothing but prosperity for you and your little wonder device. May your dropped calls be minimal.

To those of you that sent your assistants to wait in the boiling heat, I hope the over hyped piece of shit bricks out with the first firmware update.

-Girthy realized while standing in line for a Wii last November that beer was a bad choice. A catheter would have been a helpful, although abhorrent, accessory.

*which wound up being successful, and the event it's self was sick as fuck.
**meh, now that I look back on it, but at the time it was awesome, more than likely due to the psilocybin mushrooms I consumed prior to entering the theater.
***still to this day, the best investment I ever made.

Finally someone who says how it is! Rock on man

HAHA

Philadelphia Mayor John Street was one of those people. When he wasn't waiting in line, a police officer waited in line for him.

How do you read the LA Times? Moonies FTL

i like this article. this is some quality playa hatin.

I find it disturbing and disgusting how people are treating a phone, it really makes me wonder how much lower a consumer society can sink.

I walked into an apple store at 11 PM on Friday evening - I was there for 3 mins and was on my way. I love the shit out of this phone. My beefs are software related - a few bugs to work out - specifically in the mail program. The phone, maps and UI are terrific. Very enjoyable - and I had AT&T before - but couldn't talk on my cell in my apartment - but this new phone gives me a usable signal. Still, it will be interesting to see what kind of traction it has away away from mac fanatics.

Yeah 'cause, you know, that's a great use of resources.

article =

I find your criticism eloquent in it's brevity.

I might get one but I feel like this no fucking way am i waiting in line to give away my

money. You want my money for something i want then your coming to me or I will

get to it when it works for me. Another thing no doubt in the next few days weeks

months were going to hear about the IPHONE BUGS or issues. why pay $500

for something with built in flaws...why not wait till everyone else deals with the

frustrations bugs and issues and get it when version 2 or 3 comes out by then it

just might be a lot cheaper and you can look back and think what a bunch of dumb

fucks. As far as bosses sending people to buy it for them...I SAY SHOW ME

THE MONEY!!! Getting paid to stand in line sure beats getting paid to work.

I find it hilarious that people camped out for days waiting for the IPhone and then there were no shortages. I walked into the Apple Store in San Francisco at 8:30p on the 29th and walked out with my new IPhone at 8:32p.

Only short-sighted, impatient amnesiacs buy the first revision of Apple products.

And only a total dickhead of a boss would make their employee stand in line for one.
To them: I hope those batteries end up catching on fire and burning your tiny dicks off.

pay $500 to beta test for apple, sounds like a great plan

i already have a $200 phone i pay little or no attention to when it rings.

Why would i want to wait in line for and pay $500 for a phone i pay little or no attention to?

This has got to be the weirdest formatting I've ever seen.

His Captain Caveman's all distorted, too.

yo- if I am ever a corporate line bitch whose day involves fetching a phone in line all day I give you all my legal permission at this moment to come to said line and beat the living shit out of me.

Well said. I'll wait for version 5.0 when it's almost ready.

what kind of idiot actually wants an iphone? from the reviews I read, it sounds like a disappointment. from the shit email function, to the NON REPLACEABLE battery (the battery is soldered to the logic board, how's that for planned obsolescences?), this is just some flashy toy to get morons who gullibly swallowed the hype to piss away hard earned money. you see someone with an iphone, you are looking at a person with more money that brains, someone lucky that breathing is an autonomic behavior, otherwise they would sure as shit forget to breath

Wicked article dude.

Congrats.

how is this news?

Is this the way to get ahead? It is ludicrous that people are sending interns and assistants to get their IPhones.

For an inferior product such as an iPhone perhaps. But if I had my own personal bitch, I'd definitely make use of him/her to go wait in lines, do my holiday shopping, etc.