NEWS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

POLITICS: Asshole Fuckface Roundup

This week there were some glorious assholes. Many of them were just members on our message boards, but they are not worthy of attention. So, I give you my Asshole Fuckfaces of the week.

First, up, the entire Catholic Church.

Okay, that may be a bit broad. How about just the crazy men who run the Catholic Church. The Catholic Church is against a bunch of fun stuff, like gay sex, preists having intercourse, birth control and premarital sex. And this week they came out in favor of “Chimeras.” What the fuck are chimeras? Good question. Human-animal hybrid embryos. And the Church is all for them.

Ah, ain’t that sweet? It is totally okay for a woman to raise a child that was fathered by a different species of animal, like a mouse. Did I mention that the Catholic Church is against using frozen embryos for stem cell research?

I do love interspecies lovin’. The Chinese kicked this nonsense off when they combined rabbit and human cells, which survived for a few days. The Mayo Clinic picked up the ball and last year made a piglet that had human blood. Next year Stanford hopes to make mice with human brains. Some people think there is an ethical dilemma.

Except the Catholic Church, who just want more babies to follow Jesus! Creepy fucks.

Next up, Mitt Romney, dog torturer.

This week, Romney got himself a little puff piece in the Boston Globe. It was meant to show how cool and collected he can be under pressure, but instead showed him to be a creepy weirdo. According to the article, Mitt used to strap the family dog to the top of a station wagon for family trips. Because, you know, you wouldn’t want the family dog to actually be riding with the family in the car. It would feel loved. That would be disgusting.

Wow. Way to coolly and calmly handle a “doggy so stressed out that it had diarrhea” situation. You should totally be president, Clark Griswald. That “emotion-free crisis management” kind of makes you seem like a psychopath. Oh, and you broke the law, fuckface.

Next on our list, The Democrats!

Not the entire party, just the ones in the Senate who rolled over like pussies two years ago and allowed Samuel Alito to become a Supreme Court Justice. They can cry all they want from here on out about the direction of the country but they laid down like a bunch of spineless fucks in what will go down as one of the most important times in our country. Alito is everything he was sold as and anyone with a brain knew weeks like this were coming.

This week the Crazy Conservative Court severely curbed local efforts to promote racial diversity in schools, curbed students' free speech rights, crippled Congress' ability to keep corporate money out of political advertising, made it almost impossible for women to prevail on claims of long term sex discrimination and overturned a 96 year old precedent to allow manufacturers to collude with retailers to set the minimum prices of products.

Yay, for religion and big business!

How can we have an Asshole Fuckface Roundup with George?

Our wonderful president and his legal counsel make this week’s list for desperately trying to cover up their own crimes. This week the White House claimed executive privilege and rejected subpoenas from Congress, who are seeking information about the US Attorney’s purge.

Yes, the White House made an amazingly “reasonable attempt at compromise.” Their idea of a compromise is to have Miers and Taylor come over for a closed-door chat with the Committee. Oh, and the Senators can’t write anything down.

Transcripts are so very convenient. They are meant to make sure people don’t lie and commit, what did he call it…”perjury.” I think if you are worried about a “perjury trap” then you are planning to “lie.” Fortunately for the White House, they can pull this kind of crap because nobody likes them. Nobody.

Next up on the Asshole Fuckface list: iphone and Steve Jobs.

I would really like to get an iphone, but I would rather have my arm cut off than sign a contract with AT&T. (I don’t know why those are the options either) Besides having the world’s worst customer service, AT&T has been allowing the Bush administration to illegally wiretap phones.

Yes, get your iphone and allow the NSA to illegally record all of your phone calls and keep records of all your Internet activity, emails and IM chats.

There are no options other that AT&T, the people who have been working with our own government spooks to set up massive, data-mining machines in AT&T offices all over the country. So, enjoy your iphones while your support the company undermining you freedom! But you got a fun gadget!

The only thing I can really think of to say about the Catholic church thing is "wtf?"

As far as ATT, it's not like the FBI/CIA/NSA haven't been listening to everyone's phone conversations anyway.

So, if Mitt put the dog on the roof of the station wagon, does that mean Aunt Edna got tied to the bumper?

The Catholic Church, for once, is promoting tolerance and equality, admittedly for a group that doesn't yet exist.

So, why again are you criticizing them?

Genetically-engineered abominations don't count.

Also, bestiality is a sin.

I'm still at a loss to figure out how eliminating race as a factor in assigning students to schools is a bad thing, especially as it pertained to the two cases decided on Thursday. Please elaborate, thank you.

I believe that would be on the grounds that : you can't combat continuing educational inequality by pretending it doesn't exist.

Somehow I was expecting to find Paris Hilton on the list. Disappointment.

Because they're against things like stem cell research and gay marriage, but somehow human/animal hybrids = awesome?

On another note; high school students have had restricted 1st amendment rights while attending school since forever ago and I'm not even really sure why everyone is so up in arms about that one.

I look forward to the day that human headed rabbits are bouncing down the high street

I have got to say, I like this site way more for the articles that appear on it. Not that the ladies are unattractive it is just the articles reaper writes are extremely intellectually stimulating. If he stopped writing articles this site would be way less interesting.

Because the kids were off campus at a public event. Had nothing to do with the school. The assistant principal happened to be there and took action. Now that might seem a tad problamatic for free speech, right?

hehe you said stimulating.

Kids always have different sets of rights than adults though... less speech, of movement, of ability to buy or consume and more protection by law for other things like ability to cancel any contract, maximum 5 year sentence in many jurisdictions for any crime and so forth.

http://www.supremecourtus.gov/opinions/06pdf/06-278.pdf

They were attending the event with school administration/faculty as a school sponsored event, and as such are still bound by whatever rules the school sets forth.

Now if the kid and his friends had that banner up on a saturday and the principal happened to walk by and suspend them, then they would have something.

Damn straight... if only they...could...combine...the two...

SUCCESS!

Awwww. Someone has a man-crush!

That was kind of my point, love

Why would William Shatner support chimeras?

Sure. How about I let Justice Stevens break it down for you..

No more green women to "conquer..." Time to move onto the FINAL FRONTIER.

Animal love. :cough:

Meh. Hardly the worst thing the Catholic church has done.