NEWS: Salman Rushdie Knighted, Islamic Radicals Promptly Freak the Fuck Out

POLITICS: Salman Rushdie Knighted, Islamic Radicals Promptly Freak the Fuck Out

In case you thought that diplomatic relations between Britain and Iran weren’t strained enough, the Queen of England has just awarded the OBE to controversial author Salman Rushdie.

In literary circles, Sir Salman Rushdie is probably best known for his award-winning 1981 novel Midnight’s Children. Oh, and that his current wife is really hot.

Amongst fans of setting effigies of famous authors ablaze, it’s his 1988 novel The Satanic Verses that tends to hog the spotlight. Back in 1989, Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa condemning Rushdie to death for what Khomeini claimed was the book’s blasphemous depiction of the prophet Mohammed. Rushdie apologized and then spent the next nine years in hiding, which seemed like an especially good idea even before the person who translated The Satanic Verses into Japanese was found stabbed to death.

In the 16 years since the fatwa against Rushdie, Iran has been sending mixed messages about how seriously it takes that whole “apostate worthy of death” thing. A 1999 comment from then-President Of Iran Mohammad Khatami declaring the fatwa to be ”completely finished” inspired Rushdie to come out of hiding, but since then members of Iran’s Revolutionary Guard have declared the same fatwa to be ”irrevocable”.

Apparently most of the folks who wanted to kill Rushdie just kinda forgot about him, until news of his impending knighthood inspired them to party like it’s 1989.

Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesman Mohammad Ali Hosseini said:

In an attempt to grab the “more Islamically radical than thou” trophy away from Iran, anti-Rushdie protests by Islamic hard-liners broke out in Islamabad and other Pakistani cities, with protestors burning both Rushdie and Queen Elizabeth II in effigy. It’s looking to be a banner year for the effigy industry! Pakistan’s Religious Affairs Minister Mohammed Ijaz ul-Haq then declared to the Pakistani Parliament:

Now that’s what I call irony!

A spokesman for the British Foreign and Commonwealth Office responded by saying Rushdie’s knighthood was “richly deserved” and the reasons for it were “self-explanatory”. I guess he’s a big Bridget Jones’ Diary fan or something.

So while English politicians and many Muslims around the globe play the ”No, you apologize!" game, Sir Salman Rushdie gets to hang out with other noted British knights, like Sir Paul McCartney and Sir Pot-Smoking Cricket Star. And hopefully not get killed.

Holy, dear god. I have one of his books. it never ends do it? ( yes i know, typing do it makes me sound dumb but o well,)

They hand out KCVO and OBE like candy now days. I'm sure Sir Jagger did SO much for the crown. Yawn.

I've seen people protesting him, live. That was scary.
I read Satanic Verses in 88, just to see what the big deal was about, I was fairly young and didn't understand.
I might have to check it out again.
Congrats to Mr Rushdie on avoiding all the crazy people that want him dead.

10,000 Maniacs stopped playing "Peace Train" after Cat Stevens (or whatev his name is) "agreed" with the the fatwa. Such a tragedy.

I didn't realize there was a knighthood for 'Somehow Managing To Keep Your Ass Alive'.

But good for him. And ticking off religious nutjobs is always something to celebrate.

Man...he's one of the best living writers working in the English language. We mortals can only dream of his mastery.

That said, god, protect me from your followers.

Good for Salman, but really, is it that hard to get knighted nowadays? The United Kingdom has a mighty army of thousands of artists, musicians, actors, and writers ready to suit up in armor and fight for the Queen! BE AFRAID, ALL THOSE WHO OPPOSE!!!! SIR ANTHONY HOPKINS AND SIR ELTON JOHN ARE COMING FOR YOU!!!!

If you don't on some level stand in fear of Anthony Fucking Hopkins, you might want to step back and reassess the functionality of your self-preservation instinct.

But seriously, folks. Have we yet come to the point where I can just throw my hands in the air and ask, with all due respect to the Islamic faith, that they just drop some of the bullshit, invest the time saved by the aforementioned dropping into bettering themselves and their world, and let Allah be the fucking judge of men?

This is so offensive, it's beyond offensive. To think a supposed religious leader called for the death of a fellow human being over words that he wrote. Theo van Gogh died for his art when it cast an unfavorable light, and these are the same people that attack embassies over cartoons.

This incredible arrogance makes me want to tell Muslims to fuck themselves.

This fatwa business is so medieval. I mean, geez, Mohammed would probably be tickled pink to know that he was mentioned in one of Salman Rushdie's books (albeit one of his weaker books).

Ooops, I better watch myself. Some mullah might put a fatwa on my ass for implying that Mohammed was ticklish, the most lascivious phsyical sensation one can experience.

Only if you wave 'em like you just don't care. If you do that, then yes, feel free to throw your hands in the air and tell these losers to get a life. (And "my" people could stand to do the same, actually.)

"The west is accusing Muslims of extremism and terrorism. If someone exploded a bomb on his body he would be right to do so unless the British government apologises and withdraws the 'sir' title."

Fucking brilliiant. I could easily rant for hours over the stupidity of that one sentence.

BlastProcessing said:
But seriously, folks. Have we yet come to the point where I can just throw my hands in the air and ask, with all due respect to the Islamic faith, that they just drop some of the bullshit, invest the time saved by the aforementioned dropping into bettering themselves and their world, and let Allah be the fucking judge of men?

Amen. Except I would've left out the "all due respect" part simply because I don't care and I would've said to drop ALL of their bullshit. Most of our military doesn't want to be there as much as they don't want us there. The sooner they stop fucking around, the sooner our guys leave. Then they can go back to being crazies amongst themselves. Unfortunately, I don't see attacks on the U.S. or its allies stopping anytime soon.

There's respect due to the Islamic faith?

This is news to me.

(note: I'm not singling out Islam. I'd say the same thing about Christianity, Wicca, Judaism and Norse mythology)

Seconded, and eloquently put! They should be secure enough in their own faith to not let a book upset them.

you just wait until we have Sir David Beckham and the even more scary Lady Beckham

they would off themsleves....not so much a plan as what they do anyway

The part I love about this is that there is fair amount of evidence that Ayatollah Khomeini only issued the fatwa as a political diversion from the internal problems his misrule of Iran had created (especially in the aftermath of the Iran-Iraq war).

Lots of ignorant religious chauvinists being led around by the nose by their political masters.

"Don't protest about the fact we treat you like shit, steal everything not nailed down and break every islamic law we can get away with. Oh no, protest about this obscure British author whose books you'll never read or even see."

Well that makes a lot of fucking sense but ignorant people are easy to manipulate

This has been true of a lot of the looniness to come out of the mouths of Iran's leaders, from the Revolution all the way up to the present.

Yay! Yet another chance for fundmentalists to garner the support of nutjobs worldwide.
Sometimes I wonder who's got the best propaganda machine- east or west.

What needs to happen is get the Queen and the Iyatolla, one on one, no holds barred, Japanese death match on pay-per-view.
Knighthood-on-a-pole match!
That'd solve it.

I kinda want to see them together on a reality TV show, where they're both trapped in a house together -- I look forward to their private, on-camera confessions about how miserable they each are, like how the Queen doesn't do her dishes, or how Khomeini is always looking through her things.

Well, it's hardly a diplomatic move on our side is it? The timing is a bit unfortune.
Imagine Lizzies train of thought;
'How is ones relations with Iran at the moment? Not splendid? I know, I'll use old Salman as a huge spoon to stir things up a little, to keep one amused'.