NEWS: Blowing Their Asses Apart: A Proposal

POLITICS: Blowing Their Asses Apart: A Proposal

I need to warn you that this article is about a gay bomb. But don’t be scared, the gay bomb is not a bomb that will kill only gay people. That would be wrong. The gay bomb is a hormone bomb that would turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and drive them to drop their weapons and pick up their follow soldier's cocks. Sadly, the gay bomb will not happen anytime soon but military leaders did consider trying to create one in 1994.

But now we have an idea for the greatest gay porn movie that will ever be made and we owe it all to a hippy from Berkeley. Edward Hammond used the Freedom of Information Act to get his hands on the proposal that was being kept at an Air Force laboratory in Ohio.

In 1994, the lab asked for a miniscule $7.5 million to create a bomb that would make dudes fuck and blow each other on the battlefield.

The Department of Defense claims they quickly dismissed the plan – after they rubbed one out in the bathroom. But Hammond says the DOD mulled it over for a while.

Today military officials say there is no such bomb being developed today. But we can dream. Oh, sweet Jesus can we dream....

LET'S START A WAR!

WITH THE GAY BOMB! GAY BOMB! GAY BOMB!

i heard the rooskies have had a gay bomb for two years.

they tested it on Zarth

Wait, guys, wait! They need to know if it works first, right? They'd better test it here in SD, for maximum positive results.

I guess they forget that many of the fiercest armies in history practiced homosexuality.

"It is not only the most warlike peoples, the Boeotians, Spartans, and Cretans, who are the most susceptible to this kind of love but also the greatest heroes of old: Meleager, Achilles, Aristomenes, Cimon, and Epaminondas."
--Plutarch

aww, you just want there to open up a

GAY BAR! GAY BAR! GAY BAR!

yeah, but this bomb would make them into the limp wristed hair obsessed gays, not the muscle bound gays.

Okay, that has to be a misunderstanding. There was probably some DoD guy forced to work on a proposal for non-lethal weapons who was either trying to fill out some space our just not keen weapons that leave people alive. I have to believe that.

It's either that or facing the realization that some DoD guy thought the ensuing satellite intel reports would be cheaper to him than gay porn.

What? You don't?

naw. i only go to the gay bar to score chicks.





... with dicks.

Or maybe they realized it might not actually make them gay, but could instead cause the enemy such severe mental anguish about their sexuality that they would actually become more aggressive, in a desperate attempt to prove themselves to be hetero?

Nobody wants to deal with a combatant who's sublimating their insecurities into bouts of random violence.

Maybe they were more concerned about the weapon's "blowback" potential.

i wouldnt touch that comment with a ten inch dick.

Oh, honey, we all know what you'd be doing with a ten-inch dick if you got ahold of one.

i guess it depends on how well equipped the enemy is.

See, attn_ho? That's how it's done.

We should develop this. Then we'd FINALLY have a way to shut the peaceniks up when they shout "Make Love! NOT WAR!!!" By responding with, "Hey, but we're doing BOTH!!!"

talk about friendly fire! heyo!

The United States has had the gay bomb since 1794.

We called it "The Navy".

ZING!

oh ha ha.

Despite being the column with perhaps the best comments ever, it's something I'd have expected to see via an e-mail forward, then subsequently in Snopes.

This was actually reported indepently in Harper's a few months back. It's presumably real.