NEWS: Why Republicans Are Such Fucking Babies

POLITICS: Why Republicans Are Such Fucking Babies

Now, that headline may seem like a biased generalization about Republicans, but it is a scientific fact according to Psychology Today. Suddenly everything makes sense and I can actually feel a bit of empathy for these obtuse, sad creatures.

Wow. Conservatives started being annoying at age 3. They were the ones doing all the crying and whining and making life tough the well-adjusted liberals. Excuse me, I meant self-reliant, energetic liberals. So, what kind of horrible, fearful life have conservatives lived since then? We can look to a 2003 study involving 22,000 participants.

So, there you go, scientific proof that conservatives are awful, scared people. Until now I hadn’t realized that people actually responded positively to Bush saying, “I’m the decider.” Fascinating. It’s like a look inside a badger den – even more horrible than I could have imagined. It’s all shit, claws and hair.

What about liberals? How about everything that is good in the world?

Thank you liberals, for art and happiness. Too bad conservatives are also scared of art.

This is just another example of reality's well-known liberal bias.

Thank God that the conservatives have set up another reality that's "fair and balanced."

so wait.... which ones were eating paste?

Libertarians?

in a sick twisted kinda way i find this article hilarious....

socialists?

I thought this looked familiar.

I always thought it might be because of an undiscovered retardation gene.

This research will get them infuriated, and they'll do their own "research" We all know how that goes.

Exhibit A:
Global Warming.

I'm guessing from this exchange that they were both too occupied putting paste in each other's hair to eat much of it.

Why are you so completely humorless, Zarth?

Clearly not the vegan anarchists.

no, the ones putting paste in each other's hair were the whigs.

I thought FearTheReaper did a good job...but once again was PROVEN WRONG.

Wow, I didn't realize how far back this study went.

...waits for it...

I think the socialists were probably 'borrowing' the libertarians' paste to feed those who didn't have their own.

Meanwhile, the libertarians were ignoring the teacher, and telling the socialists that 'if your parents didn't buy you any paste, then you don't deserve to eat any paste'.

Wow. Very nice.

Well, not necessarily.
It's the same study, but the last story was only published in the Toronto Star. Getting published in Psychology Today means they passed peer review. In that respect, the story is news.

Also, FTR wasn't on the site yet when Dead_Ringer wrote that other article.

george b is a doodie head

I ate everything else as a kid but not paste or crayons. Lint off the couch, pieces of vinyl off the car's dashboard, paper.

But paste? Dude that's just sick.

Any information on those that went on to join the Whig Party?

this is an excellent point. good catch.

It was a childhood accident - the same incident that made my face stick like this.

Yeah, they went straight to snorting glue.

"Those who think the world is highly dangerous and those with the greatest fear of death are the most likely to be conservative."

I wish I could remember who said, "Parents who aren't afraid of death will be able to raise children who aren't afraid of life."

But, whatever...

None of this surprises me. I figured out years ago, by watching my religious nut-job acquaintances, that they NEEDED that shit. It's not that the universe is actually organized around a Holy Trinity or gods & devils, angels & jeebus. It's that THEIR universe MUST be organized that way, or they blow a fuse and can't function. That's why they will spend all their energies proselytizing and lobbying lawmakers to reinforce THEIR theology. They're just wired that way and can't help themselves.

Unfortunately, there just isn't enough Kool-Aid to go around.