NEWS: Couch Hates Black People

POLITICS: Couch Hates Black People

First Michael Richards astonished the nation with his racist outburst at a comedy club and now a black Canadian family has encountered a racist couch. Doris Moore ordered a dark brown couch from Vanaik Furniture of Toronto and was surprised to read the name on the label: Nigger brown. Oh my.

Moore was quite upset, especially because her 7-year-old daughter was the first to read the label.

That’s how most of us learn our first racist name. My first bicycle was a beautiful, shiny Dirty Mick. The mother complained to the store, who immediately blamed the supplier, who blamed a computer translation program. Now we are onto the Chinese, the makers of the software program. Those damn Chinese, always going after the black man.

The makers of the program, Kingsoft, say it was a regrettable error. Apparently it was all the fault of a dictionary. The company has been using the dictionary for ten whole years, way back when all dictionaries defined dark as “nigger.”

The owner of Vanaik Furniture claims he didn’t even know what the word meant.

Dude, you need to get out more.

The new couch owner is talking to a lawyer and, of course, will seek compensation. But so many questions now need to be answered. How much do you get when your couch is a filthy racist? Does Al Sharpton know about the couch? If the couch is replaced, where does the couch go? Does David Duke need a couch? Should we give the couch another chance? Does it have a matching ottoman?

For now, Moore and her three children are trying to deal with having a racist couch in their living room.

Fucking A. Don’t sit on that motherfucker; don’t even let the dog get on it. That would be like putting your ass on the corpse of Strom Thurmond.

FearTheReaper will be appearing at the Irvine Improv April 27th & 28th.

I completely understand the family wanting compensation for all of this mess. I mean... they got a racist couch! I say, no less than 3 million.

I would have mentioned it to the store manager and went on with my life.

dont forget the more recent incident on Wheel of Forture cause by a Colorado dumbass.

"Fuck Yo' Couch!"

Sorry, I had to say it. Involuntary reaction.

A word that isn't in common usage in a nation with very little black racism, used a word brought into the language during British colonialism and isn't even part of the native language, translated a word using a archaic albeit racist description of a colour, which found an american women whose friends were so offended at this usage by people that had no idea of the meaning, and know it only has a description of a colour, now want a full apology to all people of colour, and of course a monetary settlement due to the total lack of malevolent intent in it's naming.

Yep that Indian guy should apologize to himself... or is "color" only a term for black people?

Yanks, Blacks, Margret Chow, and all you other over sensitive jackass (and only in those groups that are over sensitive) get a fucking clue. I'm an over sensitive jackass about certain things.. and when I'm being so, someone tells me to take a chill pill and I settle down realize that I'm being an idiot and let it go.. I think a lot of people need to do this too.. and then take their lawyers of speed dial. Litigation should not be a career unless you've passed the bar.

edited because professional litigation is migrating out of the central area of North America

What she wants compensation for actually having to talk to her kid? WTF? She going to sue the school that her kid goes to when the other kids use it there too? Or doesn't that kind of thing happen in Canada?

This is fresh out of Toronto........

Ya force of habit I'll change it.. lol thanks for pointing it out.

I wonder if the couch and Don Imus are related.

Awesome coverage of this story from FTR. I don't know how you do it.

My god, it's creepy. What the hell is going on in that continent?
I mean, despite Australia's incredibly high levels of multi-culturalism, we're considered a particualrly racist nation. Yet, if this sort of thing happened here, to anyone, we'd just laugh it off. Someone would've said "Oops! Sorry. Ain't that funny?" and let it be.

Even more likely, we'd probably be proud of the tag and show it to all of our friends.

"Check out the tag on my sofa ... "
"It says -fuck whitey-."
"I know. Isn't it awesome?"
"Well, it is white."
Then there is the LOLing.

Now that just about killed me. I just spit beer all over my keyboard.

Fuck I laughed when I read that... does that make me a bad person .. I dont care that was piss funny

Can't they just let the couch live, free from lables imposed by an uncaring and harsh society?! I mean it's bad enough having to spend all day with people rubbing their smelly asses all over you, dogs and cats scratchy you.. maybe even pissing on you.. Won't somebody PLEASE think of the couches?

ohhh, don't judge us all. I'd be making phone calls, but they wouldn't be to my lawyer they'd be to my friends to come over and look at the tag.

I'd also use it as a conversation piece during parties......."look how stupid this company is!"

I see a mass couch recall coming.
Beware the name calling couches and their love-seat comrades.
Couch companies are so racist. *sheesh*

I'll admit... I laughed at the headline before I even got to the story. Mostly because I knew I was in for something ridiculous.

Isn't it amazing that a person can make a case of racism when it seems such a timely subject. Are you telling me that this woman is the only person, even the only black woman, to ever receive this couch or other furniture piece labelled as such? Or she just oppurtunistic enough to let it leak out into the media? Seems being an asshole knows no color. For God's sakes, her friends are too pretentious to sit on it.


As soon as you expect monetary compensation your outrage is nil. Just more proof that Americans (meaning the entire continent), for some reason, believe the rest of the world owes them something.

I'd kinda like to know what shade that is, exactly?

fuck that, i've had a couch that has been sneakily seeping the energy out of me for years. will i ever see a nickle? can i get get a nickle for every quarter that couch has sucked in, nope. fuck that couch, fuck the other couch. fuck them up their stupid ass comforting asses.

I was imagining a lot of managers with black markers covering it up.

Get a sense of fucking humor. What a self righteous cunt. There was clearly no harmful intent. Assuming so only shows that this moron is the one hung up on racism.

Will FTR actually be funny in Irvine? That might actually be news.