NEWS: People Are Going to Fuck No Matter What

POLITICS: People Are Going to Fuck No Matter What

From the “How is this News!?!” Department of the Center for Really Unsurprising Studies Proving Shit That Is Painfully Obvious To Everyone Except The Bush Administration and the Fucking Idiots Who Buy Into Their Nonsense (or “CRUSPSTIPOTOEEBAFIWBITN”) comes the latest no-brainer study: turns out abstinence education programs don’t work. I know, I know. I’m as shocked as you.

The study, its methodology and its ancillary findings are really quite interesting. While some of its conclusions are painfully obvious, others might surprise you a bit.

In other words, this study shows that abstinence only programs have virtually no effect whatsoever, be it positive or negative. Which is kind of bad considering the following:

Naturally, there are still folks in this administration who think spending $176 million to teach children nothing useful whatsoever can be excused because at the time the children surveyed took the programs they were still developing the classes.

Oh absolutely. Abstinence technology has advanced leaps and bounds since then. Just wait until Q1 '08 when the new iChastityBelt v.2.0™ comes out. Then the kids are REALLY going to not bone. Besides, it's not like there have been other studies showing that comprehensive sex education programs that teach children about abstinence in addition to things like contraception and STD prevention are any more effective.

OH WAIT! There are! Like this one. Or this one. Or this one. Or hell, any of the other published studies listed in the references section here.

In other words, this administration is perfectly willing to subsidize a completely ineffective program simply because it furthers their ideological goal of battering the populace into conforming with their ideal of righteous chastity. They do this despite the fact that it puts teens at greater risk of pregnancy and disease than do available alternatives. At the cost of $176 Million per year. Fabulous.

Subrosa did not get laid until he was 16.4 years old. In other news, apparently Subrosa went to the wrong high school.

...isn't congress another word for the act of sex?

. . . .for real??

if, by that, you mean "getting fucked" ? then the answer is yes.

Uhm..... why can't I get paid to do studies like this? The story would have been tops if a mathematical equation including triangles and alpha-numerics on every corner/edge possible

if by "getting fucked" you mean "prison rape without lube", then yes.

but if i'm not mistaken, the term sexual congress is an old way to say bumpin' uglies.

They spend billions on a fucking war that is going nowhere and you're surprised they spend a little over a hundred million on absolute bullshit? It sounds like just another day in Washington to me. No matter which party is in control, as soon as they decide something is good for everyone else they shove it down everyone's throat no matter how little sense it makes.

I read somewhere that the abstience programs actually worked to a certain age. As in kids didnt have sex till they grew up a bit more and the rates of teenage pregnecy were much lower in girls that signed up to thease programs. I mean they fucked away after they were 18 and out of school but were using condoms and alot of young women were on the pill by then. Well you learn something new every day

Wow. I had never heard of... ABSTINENCE classes.... WTF?
I am glad no one here in Europe ever came up with such bullshit.

So...basically this means: Bush likes abstinent kids better than smart kids.I mean considering that he managed to cut back on the money the government is spending to buy books for kids from socially underpriviledged families... (I don't have a specific source for this info anymore, but I read it in reliable German newspaper a few years ago)....


This is going to be my semi-smart story to tell at the party I am going to tonight!

A) It's actually a little under $200 million
B) The fact that other government waste exists in no way excuses this administration for completely failing to to anything useful to address the very real problems of teen pregnancy and the spread of STDs in this country. They might as well be taking that $176 million and lighting it on fire.

There are two kinds of results you can get from scientific research, results that contradict what "everyone already knows" that people will complain is flawed and those that confirm what "everyone already knows" that people will complain is a waste of time.

Honestly, I don't think Bush cares either way. To me, it boils down to the fact that Bush (and the Evangelical Christian idiots who make up his voting base) would rather our children be unprotected than have them be told about sex in a mature way. Because if you tell them about condoms, Jesus will be angry. This is the same reason why they initially fought against the HPV vaccine. Because they would rather kids be dead than "given license to have premarital sex."

The results that contradict what everyone presupposes are only complained about by stupid people who are angry about being wrong. It's unfortunate, but facts prevail in the end.

$176 million? Doh!

I found this part the study the most interesting. I had heard this critique about abstinence programs for a while now and I actually believed it. Just goes to show you that neither side is free of baseless claims.

Just to clarify A)

Over the period of time covered by the study, it's actually a little over a billion. Assuming the period 1999 to 2005/6 means 6 years of programs, at (currently) $176 million / year. That's (up to) $1.056 billion.

I did too, if only because it went to something that I thought was actually up for legitimate debate.

Swallowed my tongue

People actually have sex? Out of wedlock even?

Unfortunately, this statement isn't true.

A freind is a sex therapist, and he has reported a clear and dramatic rise in married couples coming to him to get help for failing sex lives where the root cause of the dysfunction is the guilt and shame created by these classes.

The problem is that the core messages of "abstinance only" sex-ed are shame and fear-based, and cause a real and lasting harm on people's sexual expression, even after the official sanction of marriage.

It's also just stupid to assume that if you don't tell kids anyting valuable about sex that they're going to just use Jesus Magic to become naturally good at it because they've attained the sanction of God.

Sex-negative messages are funadmentally human-negative messages, and it pisses me off that I'm indirectly paying for the Religious Right to fuck people up.

. . . more than usual.

Silver Ring Thing

I'm sure that if they just spent another $200 million on the Silver Ring Thing, no teen in America would ever have sex. EVER.

This discussion makes me want to have sex.

That ring thing is crazy! Also crazy is the fact that they admit on the website that it may tarnish and turn your finger black... however it still costs $23 if you want a replacement. Which teens will definitely need when they lose it while fingerbanging instead of having "actual" intercourse.

I was thinking about submitting this story, however the focus would not have been on the fact that this program has failed (as you pointed out, who wouldn't have expected that?) nor even the fact that they spend $176 million per year. But rather since the republicans took control of congress they raised the annual budget for these programs from $10 million to the staggering $176 million mark.

So we literally have lost over a billion dollars since the balance of power had shifted trying to teach people to not have sex.