NEWS: Newt Gingrich is Still an Asshole

POLITICS: Newt Gingrich is Still an Asshole

Former Speaker of the House, habitual adulterer, general fuckwit and (naturally) possible GOP presidential candidate is at it again. You may remember Newt from the time he said this:

Or the time he vomited out this nugget of civic wisdom:

You might also remember him from that time he told his first wife he wanted a divorce while she was recovering from cancer surgery. I’m sure you remember him. Like your first venereal disease, he’s kind of hard to forget.

Well the hits, they just keep a-coming. This time, he’s trying to stir up predictable xenophobic sentiment by bashing bilingual education efforts.

Ok. For the moment, let’s set aside the extremely offensive insinuation that if you don’t speak English you’re automatically living on skid row. Instead, let us analyze his equally asinine comparison of the American history test to a ballot. The US Citizenship and Immigration Services Department publishes some sample questions on their website. For now, we'll also ignore the fact that non-English speakers who are born in this country don’t have to take this test and let’s take a gander at some of these brainteasers shall we?

Yikes. Not exactly the college boards. Also please take note that while the answers were meant to be relatively simple, short and easy, the actual questions themselves are exceptionally simple, short and easy. So while it’s true that citizenship requires you to know some basic English in the context of American history, we’re not exactly requiring you to have an advanced degree in the King's English.

So how does that compare to your typical ballot? Not quite the same simplicity. The two aren't remotely comparable in the level of English fluency required. This is, of course, where Newt's predictably simple-minded comparison predictably fails. And spectacularly so.

Ballots, ballot summaries and other official documents are printed in many languages to ensure that the decisions our citizens make are as well-informed as possible. The ability to make those informed choices should not be infringed upon simply because Newt’s got a bug up his ass about getting distracted by squiggly lines on the Mandarin ballot. It’s not just about coddling people who don’t speak English very well, it’s about making sure your electorate has all the tools necessary to vote intelligently.

Of course, if we’re voting intelligently we’re certainly not voting for Newt. So I guess it makes sense why he wouldn't be in favor of something like that.

When Subrosa was in high school, he weighed 127 pounds, had long hippie hair, listened to awful wanky guitar-rock and had a big “Newt Free Zone” sign in the back window of his gray 1980 Toyota Celica hatchback. Subrosa also never got laid in that car. Ever.

The man is a fucking worthless shit.

Ok, instead how about we step just a little out of our bubble and have children learn more than one language. How about we learn about other cultures throughout the world. And why don't we take one second to think about how narrow minded nationalism can be. No matter how much he wants to stick his head in the sand, there are over 6 billion people in the world and the united states doesn't even make up 1/6th of that population. People need to stop thinking in terms of borders and consider the entire human race for once. Stop being so selfish!!!

What do I win?

You got my vote Newt. Conservatives are the silent majority. Nancy hanging out in Syria pandering to the enemy, wearing a head scarf is just about all it will take for Newt to win in 2008.

I just cant wait for him to make gay marriage illegal once and for all then I would blow shit out of Iran.

Go Newt Go!!

He is the most progressive politition left in America. Without him there is no hope for democracy, on the planet,

You're a real American hero!

What do I win?

You misspelled petition. Or perdition (as in, road to).

There is no such word as "polite-ition".

Lawber and swedrock have got to be the same person, right? I mean, stupid isn't a finite resource, but they write the same way, they say the same stupid bullshit, and they both have the habit of dropping into discussions, shitting on the floor, and then congratulating themselves on a point well made.

Cross that road, Newt, and I'll vote for you too!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Gosh. I am just so thrilled to hear about what he is talking about these days. i found out last week that he is speaking at Mary Washington College at their commencement in May. I know that the students in this small liberal-arts school are just thrilled.

I was wondering exactly the same thing.

I wish there was a binding international agreement on stupidity emissions.

but, then again, they don't exactly want our decisions to be well-informed, do they? so let's go ahead and alienate yet another entire section of the populace from the election process.

good idea there, bucko. good idea.

---



"she turned me into a newt!...
...i got better."

yeah, 'cause we've NEVER heard a conservative open their mouth to do anything but insert their foot... right?

seriously? silent majority? i can't fathom a majority of silent conservatives. i mean, if they never spoke up... well, i guess then everything would work out just fine and we'd probably stop having wars and pushing religion on everyone and we'd certainly never hear noxious garbage the likes of which newt just spewed, would we?

point being: there is no such thing as a silent majority. anyone who thinks they're part of one is living in a bubble.

TheFuckOffKid said:

lawber said:
Go Newt Go!!

Cross that road, Newt, and I'll vote for you too!

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Awww, newt!

He not only makes the assumption that non-English speakers are condemned to the ghetto, but that also implies that learning English is your magical, one-way ticket out of poverty.

He must be right. I don't remember seeing any poor people that knew English.

I believe a polition is one who rules via doing what polls tell him/her to do. It's a new thing.

Now I have a new word* for Aussie PM John Howard!

Y'all know there's naked titties on this site, right?

You spelled amendments wrong. We'll be deporting you shortly.

And did you know there are also forums for discussion on this site?

And that most of us can multi-task?

so it wasnt the Satan VP or "Money to Elect Presidents" that gets me booted?

Which is exactly why they don't print ballots and ballot summaries in other lan... oh wait. They do.

so THAT'S what they call it nowadays.

Well, not silent exactly. There is a lot of grunting and ball scratching.

It gets sort of loud sometimes.