NEWS: Horrible Army of the Dead

POLITICS: Horrible Army of the Dead

The Army is having recruiting problems but there is solution to every problem. Unable to find the manpower they need by calling up active and inactive reserves, the military is now turning to re-upping the dead.

According to sources, zombie soldiers require less food and downtime, are more effective in combat, and are less likely to decry the Bush administration's continued fumbling of the not-war that is being not-conducted in Iraq. Also, should a zombie soldier be killed, his or her family has already been notified of the soldier's death, cutting down on paperwork and supply costs.

The news release went on to clarify that, instead of letters encouraging re-enlistment, the Army had planned to use dark sorceries which would rip the screaming souls of the dead out of Hell and force them back into their rotting bodies.

Nathan Hale regretted having only one life to lose for his country, but that was before the advent of military funding for bloodstained necromancy practiced by the damned. "Grrrooaaaagh," commented one soldier, just before ripping the skull off of a bystander and gobbling down their yummy, crunchy brain.

Bwah ha ha!!

These war mongers need to be stopped! I could rant on about this for quite a long comment...but will refrain because it's too early in the day to get my blood boiling and my mood sour-ed

Send Rumsfeld, Cheney and Dubya to war. Next up: recruitment age lowered to 13.

OR it could be a mistake caused by pulling names out of the wrong database to send the form letter to.

Hahaha, that made me laugh

...for a second I thought it was real until I read it properly I've watched return of the living dead too many times

Yeah, but that's not funny.

They pulled from the zombie database when everyone knows they meant to pull from the pirate database.

So they've resolved the overheating problem, then?

Brains aren't crunchy.

their contracts extend beyond death.

mwahahahaha

now I know what to do for a bass player......

they are when breaded and fried in corn oil.

jus' is all.

You gotta be real careful messing around with that kinda shit, none of this:

When you removed the book from the cradle, did you speak the words?
Yeah, basically.
Did you speak the exact words?
Look, maybe I didn't say every tiny syllable, no. But basically I said them, yeah.

Muah ha ha!!!

If I could give you a dollar, I would. That was awesome.

Exactly.

Finally!

I've ALWAYS considered zombies to be the most effective when controlling terrorism and special interest.

Yes... but the side effect is they all have cheesy french accents and bone blonde reporters.

that's because it's the Army.

if it'd been the Marines, they'd have pulled from the best database....the ninja one.

Maybe they're just remaking "Day of the Dead" using the original concept (humans having a zombie army, not just one trained zombie with a gun).

Classic SG newswire material.