NEWS: Bush Actually Saves Lives

POLITICS: Bush Actually Saves Lives

In what has become a retarded tradition, George Bush pardoned two turkeys that were bred to be eaten by humans. The act was considered totally out of character for Bush and the entire administration, who really enjoy death. Insiders have said there was a great debate yesterday about the fate of the turkeys. Some White House staff wanted the turkeys to be pardoned, while another faction wanted Dick Cheney to bite the bird’s necks off and spray reporters with the squirting blood.

The birds’ lives were spared during a Rose Garden ceremony today.

Ha ha, good times. The turkeys are named "Flyer" and "Fryer," although Fryer insists his name is Brian. The turkeys will be flown to Disneyland where they will be honorary grand marshals in the Thanksgiving Day Parade. Children will scream at them along the parade route, as they remain chained, confused and terrified, wishing they had been put to death.

During the ceremony, Bush told a funny story about his dog and the bird.

Nobody had the heart to tell the President that the bird does not understand what a pardon is or that it was actually nervous because of its unfamiliar surroundings.

If Bush was a democrat? I would suspect that bird bought him expensive furniture!

"Pardoned" as if the bird had actually done something to deserve being slaughtered anyways. Or as if it makes a fucking difference seeing as ten bazillion other dead birds will be wolfed down tomorrow anyways.

This article just made my day President Bush pardoning turkeys because he has nothing better to do is completely embarassing. You're right, this tradition is retarded. He's probably gonna have his chef cook up those birds for the big day anyway....

I pardon the turkeys that I am going to eat tomorrow for giving me the indigestion that I know will arise.

hes the turkey

It really is one of the weirdest traditions.. Save two turkeys out of the thousands killed for the holidays and that will make everything alright? Hah just makes me think of the irony in the world today.

People, it's a tradition. A mildly retarded, meant to be funny, tradition. Not a commentary on world events.

Source

I'm definitely no fan of Bush, but it's just a silly tradition. Sure, Bush is an idiot, but since the President has pardoned a turkey every year since at least 1947, I don't see any particular reason to single him out in this case. Nothing to get worked up over.

Another "news" story that should be in commentary or somthing.

I'm home for Thanksgiving, in a house full of people that bleed Democrat blue.

This is what my dad said today when he saw this story.

"Are we sure those are the turkeys that will make it to California? Soon as the cameras turn off he's probably going to kill the birds himself. Bastard wont be happy till everything but Texans are dead."

That's why I don't come home that often.

Wanna trade houses?

I'm serious.

someday the president will pardon a Tofurky.

Bush likes his Wild Turkeys. These guys are actually called Jim & Jack. Go figure.

Bullshit, son. This here's 'Merica, and we like our bloodshed. Ain't no Tofurkey ever bled.

it's interesting that there is a complete disconnect between the president pardoning a turkey from being slaughtered and disassociated from it's animal form - and the slaughtering of any other turkey. why would we pardon a turkey in the first place if on the other side of the coin we find absolutely nothing wrong with eating one. the very fact that we pardon a turkey means that somewhere along our narrow stream of consciousness we recognize that killing a turkey is no good. the problem is when "a turkey" becomes "turkey". we don't make the connection because we don't have to - and we are encouraged not to. there are fundamental flaws in our perceptions and vernacular. i need to stop before i get preachy and gross. and maybe implode.

on an unrelated note: it's totally sweet that two turkeys got pardoned. wooo.

good thing i'm from Texas
maybe the turkeys are too!

God save the Que... err... Texas!

What wasn't told is that after they shill for the Millionaire mouse they get flown to GITMO so that someone can beat the stuffing out of them and make them confess that Tryptofan is really a Terrorist plot used to supress the masses on Thanksgiving Day. After that is over they spend the remainder of their days (I am not kidding here) in Frying Pan State Park. I guess Waterboarding State Park would make the general public a little too uncomfortable. Anyway, have a Great Thanksgiving.

Wow.

Ummm, I'm still waiting for the peachy gross explosion...do not deny me!

If they were really on death row , he never woulda done it..his texas track record as governor speaks for itself

It aint cool acting a like a jive turkey so close to thanksgiving.
yeah!

dude, you haven't heard about the new ones with human blood in them? so hot right now. the goth vegans are going apeshit over it.