zort

my birthday is coming up on the 6th. It always feels the same way every year, like I should be happy celebrating my accomplishments and yet I can think of none. I'm not content with myself and strive for more. However I also recognize that i'm the only roadblock in my life. I'm too careless and laidback for my own good, I can't ever focus on anything and hardly ever finish anything I start. Last year was interesting, my sister threw a surprise party for me with a few friends, and it was appreciated, but there was still very few people that showed. I've become part of her group of friends and as such most of them were there, as well as a handful of my own. It was an amazing gesture, but I still wasn't happy. I think it's the fact that it's a day where people have to celebrate me.

What is there to celebrate?

Try To Remember, Forget - Say Anything
It is my birthday. It is a new year. I should be happy that i am still here.
Light up a new joint. Put on an old shirt. Try to remember but forget how my brain works.
But i could read a book a night before this year. I knew every word, their definitions clear
But now in stealth i check thesaurus- it's become my guilty mistress.
So i heave my breath at burning wax because i know that spark ain't coming back.

It is my birthday. I've got all my friends here.
They haven't been talking as of lately. They've all found new bro's and babies.
I have smoked away my pride. There is nothing but the cinders of it inside.
But i believed in more than nothingness last year and under every quiet failure it's still here.
Buried breathing under 18 years of tragedy and fear.
If i could crawl my way out of this grave just think of all the time i'd save.
The stereo's playing the same old songs and we still hum along

And in no time we'll be spread across the earth,
Donning business suits to show the faceless master what we're worth.
From our Huggies to Armani and it all seems so rehearsed.