okay, so new blog time, few updates for everyone.
First: I got my laptop. It's a beaut, big'n heavy, but goddamn she's my baby.
(no, not a mac. Don't want one.)
Second: Alyssa started talking to me the other day. It was the first time i'd spoken to her since I found out she had a boyfriend who she never said anything to me about. She was asking if I was ever going to talk to her again, to which I honestly didn't have an answer. This is where i'm getting confused, I know that pursuing her is a fruitless endeavour, and I know that nothing would happen between us as a relationship. Just the standard "friends with benefits" thing, which I can't do anymore. However, i love her, maybe not as much as I did, but it's still there, and I don't want to just cut that off. I've tried to do it, and it's not something i'm capable of doing.
I just don't know what to do. As friends, we have fun, but I just want so much more with her. I do love her, but i'm so hurt, I don't know if I want to anymore.
The whole thing started on msn with her striking up a convo:
Alyssa (L): Are we just never going to talk now?
Alyssa (L): I know I pissed you off but I don't wanna
loose you.
Why? What am I supposed to do? I still want her, but i'm so apprehensive about things going back to how they were. If I make myself go back to being a friend, I could still hang out with her, but i'd have to be just that, and nothing more. No benefits, no hope for making something happen. Just talk to her, look at her and see the one I want but cannot have. To do that would be for me to suffer from an invisible wound. If I ignore her, as I had done until the other day, I miss her.
I don't know what I should do here. If I follow my first impulse, things will be the same. I would be head over heels for her again, and trying to get her to see how things could be with me, in the same self-destructive loop.
However, if I ignore that impulse and follow my brain, and listen to the same advice that i've given to people in the same situation, than I would be cutting my ties with her. Moving on, but still longing for her. I'd feel as though I had just given up on everything that i've felt for her. Do I roll over and die?
agh
First: I got my laptop. It's a beaut, big'n heavy, but goddamn she's my baby.
(no, not a mac. Don't want one.)
Second: Alyssa started talking to me the other day. It was the first time i'd spoken to her since I found out she had a boyfriend who she never said anything to me about. She was asking if I was ever going to talk to her again, to which I honestly didn't have an answer. This is where i'm getting confused, I know that pursuing her is a fruitless endeavour, and I know that nothing would happen between us as a relationship. Just the standard "friends with benefits" thing, which I can't do anymore. However, i love her, maybe not as much as I did, but it's still there, and I don't want to just cut that off. I've tried to do it, and it's not something i'm capable of doing.
I just don't know what to do. As friends, we have fun, but I just want so much more with her. I do love her, but i'm so hurt, I don't know if I want to anymore.
The whole thing started on msn with her striking up a convo:
Alyssa (L): Are we just never going to talk now?
Alyssa (L): I know I pissed you off but I don't wanna
loose you.
Why? What am I supposed to do? I still want her, but i'm so apprehensive about things going back to how they were. If I make myself go back to being a friend, I could still hang out with her, but i'd have to be just that, and nothing more. No benefits, no hope for making something happen. Just talk to her, look at her and see the one I want but cannot have. To do that would be for me to suffer from an invisible wound. If I ignore her, as I had done until the other day, I miss her.
I don't know what I should do here. If I follow my first impulse, things will be the same. I would be head over heels for her again, and trying to get her to see how things could be with me, in the same self-destructive loop.
However, if I ignore that impulse and follow my brain, and listen to the same advice that i've given to people in the same situation, than I would be cutting my ties with her. Moving on, but still longing for her. I'd feel as though I had just given up on everything that i've felt for her. Do I roll over and die?
agh
Cool how you knew which tires I have!
PS - LOL@Your comment.