zombie33

hahaha youre so fun!!

you're quite welcome!

- I guess its an insecurity issue or something for me..in the past i've misread body language and 'signs'/hints from women, and when asking them out, or eluding to it, had a couple of specific instances in which i've been told off quite harshly, so it kind of sticks with you through the years. in this particular case, she was fine talking to me after it and all, and everything was cool. sadly, last week she was laid off though.

and on another note..after spending this entire stay back here in NY making my plans to move back to LA...now i'm staying here...probably for at least another few years. my neice and nephew are entering their teenage years, and i tend to be their "pal" they can talk to over parents, and i just feel i want and need to be here for them through what may be some rough years ahead.

fuck..i just realized that last post i made in here was a whole month ago..time is burning fast lately..

I've had a lot less dreams involving zombie-armageddon over the last few months (my favorite dream subject matter next to sex) and a lot more involving issues of war.
--> yesterday
Iwent to see the new batman film. apparently the producers felt it in bad taste to actually show the late Heath Ledger on screen as the joker, so they superimposed the old batman joker from the 60's TV show over him (i THINK the dude's name was ceasar romero..not positive, but its ringing a bell, and that was the name in the dream) but kept Ledger's voice. The film was HORRID, and i remembered while watching it that i had seen an interview with Christian Bale prior to seeing the film. He was asked what he thought of it, and he just broke down sobbing. I realized then, it wasn't over the loss of Heath Ledger that was making him cry, but the fact the film was a heaping pile of shit.
After the film, i left in a really bad mood and walked out to my car in the parking lot. The world had changed massively, and the film had made me forget this. no longer were cars the 'normal cars' we think of, but all were replaced with what resembled a small armored dune buggy, with a howitzer on the front, all painted in that military drab green. seems the country was now in a serious state of war, (and not a bullshit one like that dickhole wants us to believe to scare us into giving up certain rights and privacies) and all citizens who wished to do anything by leaving their homes, were required to be armed at all times; including their vehicles. Anyways, i (somehow) recognized my car amongst all these clones of it in the parking lot, and got in it to head home. I had a voice mail on my cell phone from my significant other (in the dream). she said she was going to "cross the border" to look for her brother who had been missing for several days. i tried to call her back, but only got her voice mail. i got in my car and attempted to "cross the border" to try and find her.
The "border" consisted of a jumble of highway overpasses and such (if you're familiar with boston, it reminded me of 93, heading south into boston near the fleet center, where the traffic was ALWAYS backed up) all caged in with barbed wire fences and flares and armed guards...driving was slow as hell throughout the area. there was checkpoint after checkpoint with guards everywhere. at the last checkpoint before the actual "border", i was reminded by the guards i may not be let back in. i told him it didnt matter, and briefly explained the situation. he said he did remember a woman passing through to look for her brother a bit over an hour before. he told me it was "mostly helpless" to look for her. i said, "Kind of like the book 'Mostly Harmless' by Douglas Adams?" with laugh. he had no clue what i meant.
I drove around across the "border" for quite some time. it was an abandoned wasteland of a city area. fires were burning all over, which helped to look for her vehicle, since it was ight, and no street lights worked (for that matter, probably any light or electricity). i spotted her car-buggy-thing near some train tracks and a small pond (or huge puddle) a ways away. i stopped the car, and ran to it. i could see something in the water there. when i got close enough, i saw it was my significant other, floating face down in it. she was wearing what appeared to be a dark red evening gown with no back to it. her exposed back was covered with bullet holes. the water was a muddy red that was washing her long black hair back and forth, covering and revealing the end she apparently met from the wounds to her back. i sat down in the mud by the edge of the pond and lit up a smoke. i started counting the holes in her. at 21, i woke up.

when i woke up, i realized i didnt even know her name, or ever see her face.