zombie33

This song may be the song that meant and did more for me than any other song out there. got me down some very bumpy roads in life. because i was able to change when i thought i couldn't. sure, there are other songs that really set a tone for me in life, moved me in ways that made me move myself, but this one, this is really different.

at the end of 2005, i moved back to this 'ghost town' in NY from los angeles. big, big change, and not as much by choice as it was out of necessity to "be there" for family. it wasn't really supposed to last long, yet here it is nearly 4 years later, and i'm still here. still trying to figure out, "where next?" haven't decided yet. i've changed a lot since i returned to NY. because i had to. things are different here. people are different. i'm treated differently. people want different things out of life here. my niece and nephew mean the world to me, and they're here, and i'm here for them. but again, things change. my nephew is old enough now, he does his own thing. my niece only likes to spend time with her uncle if we're going out in public. (apparently, i look more cool than her parents, which is fine) that's fine, i was young too and don't blame them. but, i realize they're growing up and don't need me here. which frees me up to leave without guilt. I'm feeling good that a new road is ahead of me, and wonder what lies next. but i'm not rushing it. rushing things in the past always bit me in the ass, so i'm being a responsible adult (bleh!!) and doing this the right way, even if it takes a while. i'm even committing to a new apartment lease, hopefully next month.

this weekend marked the anniversary of a major impact on my life which forced change down upon me, like nothing i would have ever dreaded. something i believed i wouldn't recover from. but i did, and it made me a better person. not to say that i'm glad it happened, just saying that it's impact on me was positive in the long run.

we all take things for granted every day. our friends. our health. our accomplishments. our family. and especialy our loved ones. sometimes we bang heads with these things. sometimes we have to stick to our beliefs and desires, despite the impact it may have on them. but sometimes, we have to change.

Shannon Hoon died in 1995, and i remember where i was when i heard: half in the bag in the local pub in my old neighborhood in boston. less than a year and a half later, i was sober, and have been since. as the story is told, when Blind Melon was looking to get a vocalist, they gave this scruffy young midwest kid a shot, and he sang them this song with his guitar, and they grabbed him on board without hesitation.