zombie33

this past weekend, i picked up this album (Matthew Sweet - Girlfriend). used to own it and overplay it years ago. great album. until i heard this song, i had forgotten what happened to it. 15 years ago this summer, the person i cared about more than anyone else was murdered. when i found out, i jumped in my car and drove...this was the first song that came on. the song cut so deeply, i couldn't deal at the time. i ejected the cd, and whipped it out the car window. completely forgot this shit till i heard the song today. over the years, i've learned to deal with my loss, like everyone eventually does, but it wasn't like an easy transition. blaming oneself and trying to find answers is natural i guess; human nature in situations like that. slowly you figure out how to move on, even though little nagging questions linger. recently, i 'lost' someone else i cared about in a different sort of fashion, and in a sense i'm sort of going through the same sort of thing: blaming myself, and trying to find answers. i fucking hate trying to figure out what happened, and worry about how much time will have to pass before it will ease out of my mind. anyways, this time, i'm not going to lose this damn cd. i missed listening to it for years now. great album; worth the purchase if you don't know it.

on a lighter note: i went on a tour of a chocolate factory in boston this weekend....i bought sooooo much fucking chocolate it's just stupid.....cool place www.tazachocolate.com is it's site. i haven't looked at the site yet, but it probably talks about what they talked about on the tour. it's all organic chocolate, and very different flavor to it. great stuff. yumm!