12 Years
This past saturday was my 12 year mark of being sober, without a drink. 12 years ago, i had a fucking big problem, and it was killing me. i had been told by a doctor seeing the age of 30 was a "longshot" if i din't stop drinking. so, i did. and it was fucking hard.....over the years when times got tough, i'd always hear myself saying to myself, "fuck i need a drink..." but i never caved, even in the last few years, i heard myself say it, even though i knew i wouldn't have one.
in the last few months, my life has been a really fucking happy one. the happiest i've been since i remember..ever. however, right before xmas, things got difficult. xmas is always a really difficult time for me. shit always happens, and this year was no exception. every year, i tell myself, "this xmas will be better", and they always seem to get worse. fuck it, that's life..we make it hard or difficult on ourselves, so i blame myself for that. anyways...during the holidays and right after, i was so preoccupied thinking about myself, the person i care about most in the whole fucking world i think i hurt. and i didnt even realize i was doing it. i fucked up worse than i can remember ever fucking up, because this person i would fucking do anything for...anything.
so on my 12 year mark, i found out this person was really hurting, because of me or not, i'm not sure anymore. i myself was physically hurting from a really bad slip on the ice (fuck winter by the way...fuck it to hell...) i had some messed up shit going on in the family, that's tough to swallow. i found out a close friend had pased away, and all kinds of other shit just started piling up on me...but the person that i really care about hurting was my only real concern it felt like.
all this shit going on, fucking beating down on me mentally and physically....going a stretch of 4 days without being able to sleep a wink, but the day after my 12 year mark, i realized something.....i never once said to myself "fuck i need a drink"....never crossed my mind. not till i gave myself a little pat on the back for hitting 12 years.
wow...i really think i can now say i'm truly honestly "over" drinking, and it makes me feel really fucking good, and really fucking strong...and something i rarely ever am : proud of myself. if i can do this, i can do fuck all anything. anyone can.
thanks to all who read this
This past saturday was my 12 year mark of being sober, without a drink. 12 years ago, i had a fucking big problem, and it was killing me. i had been told by a doctor seeing the age of 30 was a "longshot" if i din't stop drinking. so, i did. and it was fucking hard.....over the years when times got tough, i'd always hear myself saying to myself, "fuck i need a drink..." but i never caved, even in the last few years, i heard myself say it, even though i knew i wouldn't have one.
in the last few months, my life has been a really fucking happy one. the happiest i've been since i remember..ever. however, right before xmas, things got difficult. xmas is always a really difficult time for me. shit always happens, and this year was no exception. every year, i tell myself, "this xmas will be better", and they always seem to get worse. fuck it, that's life..we make it hard or difficult on ourselves, so i blame myself for that. anyways...during the holidays and right after, i was so preoccupied thinking about myself, the person i care about most in the whole fucking world i think i hurt. and i didnt even realize i was doing it. i fucked up worse than i can remember ever fucking up, because this person i would fucking do anything for...anything.
so on my 12 year mark, i found out this person was really hurting, because of me or not, i'm not sure anymore. i myself was physically hurting from a really bad slip on the ice (fuck winter by the way...fuck it to hell...) i had some messed up shit going on in the family, that's tough to swallow. i found out a close friend had pased away, and all kinds of other shit just started piling up on me...but the person that i really care about hurting was my only real concern it felt like.
all this shit going on, fucking beating down on me mentally and physically....going a stretch of 4 days without being able to sleep a wink, but the day after my 12 year mark, i realized something.....i never once said to myself "fuck i need a drink"....never crossed my mind. not till i gave myself a little pat on the back for hitting 12 years.
wow...i really think i can now say i'm truly honestly "over" drinking, and it makes me feel really fucking good, and really fucking strong...and something i rarely ever am : proud of myself. if i can do this, i can do fuck all anything. anyone can.
thanks to all who read this
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
On a side note, i miss you....WHY HAVENT YOU COME TO SILLINESS!!!!
My brother has a really horrible drinking problem, and he's finally starting to get his life on track. He got terribly sick a month ago, and the doctor told him it was because his blood was really thinned out from drinking, and he said that if my brother were to keep drinking the way he was, he'd be dead in 3 months. And my brother knows he has to stop, but its really hard for him, and I think if he could read this, he'd gain some strength to be able to do it.
So if you don't mind I'd like to share it with my brother.