zilah

so here it is... my 3rd winter alone. i don't know what it is.... bad luck i suppose. i hope i make it through this one, i've lost 15 pounds in the past 2 months. don't seem to have an appetite. all i hear is you're too nice, you're too perfect, your beauty is too intimidating. lies. all i see is that i am faulty, needy for affection, and very much a plain jane. i think the real truth is that i bore people. i don't have many friends, i speak very rarely, happy as can be just watching movies with someone all day, and i prefer not to debate, argue, or examine. BORING. but i won't change, so... i just wait for another perfect boring person to come along. i really have had enough of being alone. (sigh) yeah i know, feeling sorry for myself is hardly attractive. i have my good days and bad days... today just happens to be one of those.................

death guild tomorrow.... dancing always makes me feel better.