Today i reached my limit. I fear i am losing what strength i have left in me. For the past months i have remained a constant source of strength for my mother, keeping her safe and keeping her going. Now, i don't know if i can do it anymore. I need out of here soon. I can't stand the tension, the fighting, the hate anymore.
All i want is to tell him what he did to me, how he fucked up my life. 19 years of watching his moods, reading him to find out whether or not it was safe to talk to him. 19 years of mental abuse, pressure to be like "everyone else". I have had my art, my writing critized, and i have been turned away. I have been second to his buisness, his cars, and anything else that came around. the only time he was around was when he thought i would make him look good, make him seem to be "father of the year".
I have had it. all i want is out. i have finally built myself back up to where i can feel proud of myself again. And right now i am trying to stay strong and brave. I am trying to keep it together just for another 2 and a half weeks. I just hope i can hold on that long...
All i want is to tell him what he did to me, how he fucked up my life. 19 years of watching his moods, reading him to find out whether or not it was safe to talk to him. 19 years of mental abuse, pressure to be like "everyone else". I have had my art, my writing critized, and i have been turned away. I have been second to his buisness, his cars, and anything else that came around. the only time he was around was when he thought i would make him look good, make him seem to be "father of the year".
I have had it. all i want is out. i have finally built myself back up to where i can feel proud of myself again. And right now i am trying to stay strong and brave. I am trying to keep it together just for another 2 and a half weeks. I just hope i can hold on that long...
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Thank you for your kind words.
The issue with your folks, specifically your dad, is tough. I would not begin to say that I understand your pain. I don't. No one does.
You have been strong for all this time. Even though it seems that your grip on reality is slowly slipping away, you'll overcome all fears and come out even stronger. I always bought into the saying: "What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger." It is the only way I have made it this last 6 years, after all the pain I have caused and gone through.
If you need anything, email me.