in other news I want to tell you a little story and how it pretains to me now 
back in school there was this 15 year old boy(me) who had a crush on this girl who was also 15 and unknowingly to him also had a crush on him, we bacme really good friends but never asked each other out in fear of the answer so they they dated other ppl, and at the age of 17 we were both single and I decided to ask her out and she said yes
well we dated right up untill I turned 21, we were in love and in this time we were dating we also became engaged
when I was in my second year of college I started making new friends and coming from a small private school it was kind new to me, so I started ignoring her and putting her off to the side, we she tried everything to get my attention, but I was hard headed and always right in my mind, untill she made out with another guy to shock me, and it worked I was furious and heart broken though I needed it ,I dont believe it had to go that far. but I didnt break up with her we stayed together for about another 8 months in which I turned into a total dick, and paranioed freak out. till june the month before my 21st bith day. and I broke up with her
we talked for a few months after that and then she got married to someone else
well then I decided that it would be easyer to hate her then still love her, because I still did love her, and so I hated her for it, and we fought and I said and did some pretty mean things so for 2 years we didnt talk to each other and went on with our own lifes, well when I moved down here to Florida in march I decided to apoligize for all the mean things I said and did, because even after 2 year I still cared for her. well she forgave me, and I came to find out her marrage was a bad one and that her husband is a royal dick so we became friends again, now only a few months ago they moved down to FL in Lakeland about an hour away from me, and I go over about once a week to hang out, only to realize not only do I still care for her, but am still in love with her
wait the plot thickens
after talk with her alot and spending time on her did I find out that her husband cheated on her with his ex, and he doesnt remember it but he has to go back to PA in Dec for na maternity test because his ex is pregnant and she claim it is his, and in that case she is going to diviorce him, so I might be able to get her back and redeam myself to who I beleive to be my one true love.
but now in the mean time they are still together, though they dont always get along and she's not happy they are still together, and I'm just trying to be her friend through it all, and if there is a diviorve I dont want to be the cause.
but I know if they do get diviorced we will end up back together because she still holds feeling for me as well,
my problem is they from when they moved down till dec, when I hang out with them , seeing them together rippes me apart inside, but if I dont go, she be sad, and that hurts even worse, it sux every time I leave their house I cry on the ride home, and it just hurts more than I can describe, but I do it for her , so that she'll have someone to goto, a person to rely on, to cry too ,and to just be her friend, even if she does find some one else thats not me or him,no matter how much it hurts I want her to be happy. during these hurricanes ,her and her daughter were all that I could think about and if they where safe, I didnt care about me, or my belongings as long as she was safe.
she was the only person that ever truely loved me for who I am, and let me be myself, and well I just dont know I thought I'd share, I really have noone else down here but her, and even though I can talk to her, I cant talk to her about well her!!
what a tangled web we weave
Z_A
back in school there was this 15 year old boy(me) who had a crush on this girl who was also 15 and unknowingly to him also had a crush on him, we bacme really good friends but never asked each other out in fear of the answer so they they dated other ppl, and at the age of 17 we were both single and I decided to ask her out and she said yes
well we dated right up untill I turned 21, we were in love and in this time we were dating we also became engaged
when I was in my second year of college I started making new friends and coming from a small private school it was kind new to me, so I started ignoring her and putting her off to the side, we she tried everything to get my attention, but I was hard headed and always right in my mind, untill she made out with another guy to shock me, and it worked I was furious and heart broken though I needed it ,I dont believe it had to go that far. but I didnt break up with her we stayed together for about another 8 months in which I turned into a total dick, and paranioed freak out. till june the month before my 21st bith day. and I broke up with her
we talked for a few months after that and then she got married to someone else
well then I decided that it would be easyer to hate her then still love her, because I still did love her, and so I hated her for it, and we fought and I said and did some pretty mean things so for 2 years we didnt talk to each other and went on with our own lifes, well when I moved down here to Florida in march I decided to apoligize for all the mean things I said and did, because even after 2 year I still cared for her. well she forgave me, and I came to find out her marrage was a bad one and that her husband is a royal dick so we became friends again, now only a few months ago they moved down to FL in Lakeland about an hour away from me, and I go over about once a week to hang out, only to realize not only do I still care for her, but am still in love with her
wait the plot thickens
after talk with her alot and spending time on her did I find out that her husband cheated on her with his ex, and he doesnt remember it but he has to go back to PA in Dec for na maternity test because his ex is pregnant and she claim it is his, and in that case she is going to diviorce him, so I might be able to get her back and redeam myself to who I beleive to be my one true love.
but now in the mean time they are still together, though they dont always get along and she's not happy they are still together, and I'm just trying to be her friend through it all, and if there is a diviorve I dont want to be the cause.
but I know if they do get diviorced we will end up back together because she still holds feeling for me as well,
my problem is they from when they moved down till dec, when I hang out with them , seeing them together rippes me apart inside, but if I dont go, she be sad, and that hurts even worse, it sux every time I leave their house I cry on the ride home, and it just hurts more than I can describe, but I do it for her , so that she'll have someone to goto, a person to rely on, to cry too ,and to just be her friend, even if she does find some one else thats not me or him,no matter how much it hurts I want her to be happy. during these hurricanes ,her and her daughter were all that I could think about and if they where safe, I didnt care about me, or my belongings as long as she was safe.
she was the only person that ever truely loved me for who I am, and let me be myself, and well I just dont know I thought I'd share, I really have noone else down here but her, and even though I can talk to her, I cant talk to her about well her!!
what a tangled web we weave
Z_A
- Roland Orzabal, Tears for Fears, Mad World
"touching you makes me feel alive. touching you makes me die inside."
- Jonathan Davis, Queen of the Damned, Slept So Long
"i want you to be free. don't worry about me."
- Dryden Mitchell, Alien Ant Farm, Movies
"I know this time is borrowed. I try to remember then forget
my sorrow "
- Maria Bier, Superior, Polaroid Millenium