Right, so I'm getting divorced...
But before anyone starts with the "I'm so sorry" stuff or the "what a caterpillar calls the end of the world..." thing, know that I'm okay. WE'RE okay. Oddly, we still love each-other just as we did when we got married. We love each-other so much we're willing to do this for each other. But my partner is gay. I'm happy for her that she's accepted it. I'm happy she's now able to embrace it. I want her to be happy. She has a great partner, so I want that to be a priority in her life. And honestly, after the whole thing spelled itself out for us a few weeks back, I was really relieved. I was sort of shocked to realize that I haven't been truly happy with our life together for years. I mean, even with the polyamory, it's not a good thing for your life when the best sex you have is with someone other than your primary. Actually, that is better phrased as "it's not a good thing for your life when the least gratifying sex you have is with your primary partner..." But we have a handle on things now. She was a bit shocked at first when I asked her for a divorce, but it's the most practical thing for the both of us. I need to rebuild a life, and quick. I need--we both need--to live a genuine life, and we can't have that with us being married. It's that simple.
Our marriage was the best thing we could have ever done with our lives at the time, and we both still cherish and honor it and each-other. It helped us grow into the people we are now; people strong enough to know that the best thing to do for one another now is to stop being married. As I said to an email announcement (classy, huh?) about the pending de-nuptuals:
"And, as before, we will look to each-other for help and support as we set out on this new path. Yes, it's true that we plan on following slightly different paths now, but not so divergent and far-apart that we can't still reach out and walk hand-in-hand..."
But before anyone starts with the "I'm so sorry" stuff or the "what a caterpillar calls the end of the world..." thing, know that I'm okay. WE'RE okay. Oddly, we still love each-other just as we did when we got married. We love each-other so much we're willing to do this for each other. But my partner is gay. I'm happy for her that she's accepted it. I'm happy she's now able to embrace it. I want her to be happy. She has a great partner, so I want that to be a priority in her life. And honestly, after the whole thing spelled itself out for us a few weeks back, I was really relieved. I was sort of shocked to realize that I haven't been truly happy with our life together for years. I mean, even with the polyamory, it's not a good thing for your life when the best sex you have is with someone other than your primary. Actually, that is better phrased as "it's not a good thing for your life when the least gratifying sex you have is with your primary partner..." But we have a handle on things now. She was a bit shocked at first when I asked her for a divorce, but it's the most practical thing for the both of us. I need to rebuild a life, and quick. I need--we both need--to live a genuine life, and we can't have that with us being married. It's that simple.
Our marriage was the best thing we could have ever done with our lives at the time, and we both still cherish and honor it and each-other. It helped us grow into the people we are now; people strong enough to know that the best thing to do for one another now is to stop being married. As I said to an email announcement (classy, huh?) about the pending de-nuptuals:
"And, as before, we will look to each-other for help and support as we set out on this new path. Yes, it's true that we plan on following slightly different paths now, but not so divergent and far-apart that we can't still reach out and walk hand-in-hand..."
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
d20:
i'm always proud and happy to see people going through life with their head up and their mind open. congrats on that, despite the hardship.
breezey:
As weird as it sounds that sounds amazing. As a child I watched my mom go through two ugly divorces and the fact that the two of you are able to do this so gracefully is wonderful. I hope it continues that way and that you both will find the happiness that you have been missing.