zenexistence

I'm doing being all shitty and morose regarding my attempts to find and purchase reliable transportation.
At least the next hour or two.
Instead I'll regale you with the cozy warmth of knowledge that is my plan for April of next year.

This:


It's called the Battle of the Nations.
I think I've mentioned it before and I've possibly even posted the above video. I feel secure in again relaying this wonderful event of carnage and mayhem.
Moving on, it takes place annually in Europe. Last year it was in Russia, this year it'll be in Poland.
Rules, you ask?
Sure.

1) Authentic, metal armor.
2) Blunted, steel weapons.
3) No thrusting (i.e., stabbing with your weapons; although the gyrating and thrusting of hips is encouraged).
4) When you are forced to "three points", meaning no longer standing but supporting yourself with another appendage (hand, elbow, head, etc) other than your legs, you're done with. You've been submitted.
Sword/weapons blows, punches, kicks, grappling, throws -- it's all yours to choose from.
Personally, I like the shield punches; talk about a left hook you wouldn't expect.

So, in a nutshell (ow):

Hit as hard as you can, take as good as you can, don't get knocked over.

Eight to ten teams compete in the world championships, although there are many more teams world-wide. On average, you have Russia (the current champs), the Ukraine, Belarus, Poland, Quebec, France, Germany and starting this April?
Yep.
The US.
Guess who's going to Poland?
Yep.
Me.

Now I know some of you are thinking, "Oh, how cute, he wants to be a pretty pretty orc princess in Fairy Land!" and in some ways, you're right.
No, wait, that's not true.
I never want to go to Fairy Land.
Rest assured though, I don't have a name like, "Dragonscrotum the Mighty". My name for this is, oddly enough, "Scotty."
I don't fight for the glory of some kingdom with a name like, VelveetaLand", it's simply Team US.

We are not this:


We are this:


We're in the process of pulling a team together from throughout the US. As a result, the numbers are already pretty massive, so a core group of us are working on the logistics of a US-based tournament schedule. Quarterly tournaments and the like. We've even managed to secure sponsors, two of which are quite large (read: one a well known microbrewery) and we already have a winery that has a "Blood of Heroes" wine in the works for us.
Funny how alcohol is one of the main contributors. I wonder why that is?

Oh my, here's a thought -- a SG sponsorship would be pretty damn keen, hmmmmmmm ...

Conditioning has been fun, as I'm a whopping 140 pounds so weights and a heavy bag have been my best friends. Cardio and I are not BFF's like Bag and Weights but I'm on a bike enough to combat the worst of lack of the friendlies. I haven't dallied in martial arts arenas for a decade or more but I need to work on my grappling and throws a ton more so I'm scoping a local judo place out for that.
Okay, wait, I'm starting to sound like some macho, no-neck roid-rager.
Please allow me to again access my gentler side -- here, lets have a little laugh together:


Agreed, that was not quite enough to fend off my apparent Alpha Male Outburst, so lets get philosophical for a moment:

And, by the way, I expect an answer to this.

Still more need to counterbalance my overlymaleness, you say? Then deliver compassionate wording, I will:


Okay, so swinging back [apparently I'm Tarzan now] to the topic of vehicle, I've decided to go with something newly-used, which will put me in the position of having a car payment. I've avoided this like the plague for years because I always though I could squeak by. The grim truth is, I'm tired of being nickel-and-dimed to death on repairs, so I'm just going to bite the bullet and accept making a monthly payment.
Now, lets not talk about my credit as it's unkind to talk behind your friend's back ...
The plus side of this, besides simply having a reliable vehicle [who'd a thunk it?] is that I'm free to travel and road-trip to my hearts content.
So, will I come see you?
Of COURSE I will.
All you need is to provide me with some good Mexican food and a beer or four.
I'll make sure to bring a little cash:

and you provide me the crash space.

So, again, apologies, I didn't mean to come off all:

aggro and such, I was just kind of pumped that the US team is a go.
Actually, I'm feeling more like:

as I'm a pretty small guy compared to a fair amount of the others but I'll adapt.

With all this said I'm going to go all hunter-gatherer on some coffee now.
Then I may go stalk and kill some laundry and follow that up by gutting and clean some turkey breast slices for a sammich.
Shocking how barbarism is so easy to resort to.
Whomp, whomp.

Eye<3ewe,
Scotty

PS