zenexistence

I feel like I've been away for weeks and weeks and weak weeks. True story.
Is it a bad thing that I'm addicted to SG-land? Because I think I am. If I go too long without checking in it's not all that uncommon to find me in a naked, huddled, shivering ball at the foot of my bed gurgling and eating month-old Fruit Roll-ups.
This could be classified as an issue.
And, depending on who is classified with said issue it could be funny.
Speaking of funny:



See? Sometimes beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.
Or in the rubber She-hulk Fist-o'-Doom.

I have a ton of things to get done today because I've been entertaining folks all weekend so I'm not delving into ann deep matters this evening.
Well, maybe one.
You need to click right here and vote for this lady.
Miss BelleBane is retarded sweet (that's an adverb plus adjective, not two separate adjectives, thank you), super cute and, best of all bakes me pies and sends them to me daily.
Okay well she's never done this even once in her life but I'm trying to work this angle (I really like pie) so help a guy out here.



Do you ever feel for a friend so deeply that you want to take their pain away and eat it yourself?
Like absorb it so they no longer have to even acknowledge its exists?
Because I do.
I'm kind of a rock. Not not in the literal mineral sense (although my head HAS been accused of a mass density that is truly, truly outrageous - LIKEJEMANDTHEHOLOGRAMS!) but what I mean is that I don't let much get to me and even when it does manage to encroach with its wily manner I fend it off with a well-placed kick to the groin and vomitous amounts of a sarcastic veneer.
With this said I always encourage my select friends to come to me, to talk/sing/spew/vent/rage/flail-about-like-an-octopus-working-with-only-a-single-real-tentacle-and-seven-ill-fitting-orthotic-tentacles, to empty whatever they have to.
Unfortunately I have a friend who I can't seem to help and it's maddening because she's such a good person.
Maybe I can hire out a hitman.



I've been thrifting a lot. It's always a good time of year to do that because people dump last seasons stuff and, well, I score good bargains. I just scored an old tweed jacket that fits me like it was made for me. Who knows? Maybe my alternate-universe-Scotty got trapped here and after being mauled to death by [supremely tidy] albino vortex aardvarks the jacket was left directly in my path of the thrift store ensuring that I would lay hands upon it.
It even has those jammin' little elbows patches.
Whaddup, nerdcore?
OhailadiesI'mfreethisevening.



I've been making sweet, suite love to IPA's as of late.
Individual Parasitic Anomalies?
No.
Icelandic Pigeon Astronauts?
Maybe a few.
Idealistically Perverse assholeAndroids?
YES!
No.
Indian Pale Ales.
Beer.
Tastes a bit like grapefruit.
Minus the sugar you put on top of it.
The grapefruit, not the ale.



You know when you hear from the friend-of-a-friend that amazingly annoying, "Hey, why aren't you and so-and-so still dating? Whatever happened to you and so-and-so? You and so-and-so were so cute together"?
I dealt with that yesterday..
Friend-of-friend: "Hey, guess who's name came up last week when I was talking with your ex?"
Me: "Sprout?"
FOF: "Who?"
Me: "Sprout?"
FOF: "Who?"
Me: "Did you ever see the old Jolly Green Giant vegetable commercials? There was this little dude that was friends with ole' Jolly Green; his name was Sprout."
FOF: Confused, lost, "Um, no."
Me: "So we're NOT talking about Sprout?
FOF: "No."
Me: "Well what'd you bring him up for?"
FOF: "Wait. What? I didn't. You did."
Me: "Really, Jay, why would I bring up Sprout?
FOF: "Damn it Scotty, I see why you're single now."
Me: "Does this mean you didn't bring the vegetables?"
This, folks, is transference.




I need to run, so you get this:



This:


And this:



And finally, you can pick your friends.
And you can pick your nose ... this:



Luv ya,
Scotty