zef

At some point you begin to realize that everything you've been holding up so high to worship and everything you've hidden your eyes from in fear are merely illusions. Right now, that's a dark thought that should be a glorious unveiling of truth. I feel sad, all alone, but I am not alone. Without all of these illusions, the universe is way fucking bigger and more infinite than I'd ever imagined.

Hopefully, I won't fall back to sleep. I won't grab hold of someone and hope they want me to hold on to them. I won't not reach out to another, letting go of the fear of rejection. The Universe has it's ways, gravitational attraction and all. Certainly, someone out there is vibrating at the same frequency that I am. We will meet someday. We will know instantly that our love is pure and...fucking illusions. How quickly I fall to slumber. Breathe. Just fucking breathe.

So, at the end of illusions...what do I know I am not there. Somewhere deep inside I am hoping this message is a beacon. "She", whomever she is will know and we will...fuck! that's not a pun, that's me realizing that again, i am getting lost in fantasy.

The hard edge lines of truth fade to the gradient blur of uncertainty. As much as i think I want it, I can't have what I don't already believe is available to me. So, Universe, thank you for everything I've ever imagined and all you've ever shown me. Thank you for not always being as bad as I imagined and for being more than I can ever imagine. I am grateful for your infiniteness in all directions, spaces, dimensions, and times. I am grateful that your gravitational pull in my current consciousness dimension is stable so that I am not obliterated by a lack of willful wholeness. I am appreciative of all the places that you appear not to exist, though non-existence is only possible by your existence. I do not exist with out even one element of your composite nature. Without even a single blade of grass, an atom, or a dead skin cell, I would not exist. As such "I" do not exist
as "I" cannot exist without you. We are the same, the Universe and I. I am the Universe, the dreamer and the dream. Thank you for everything and nothing at all.

blah.