zef

Totally amazingly simple and fun day. It just lacked real hassle. Strolled into work at 10am with their approval. Goofed off most of the day. Sidestepped a dumbass business partner to avoid unncessary conflict. Flirted. then got off early to fix ribs, corn, and potato salad with my niece all for the nastalgia of being at home on memorial day growing up, cooking out and spending the day with family outside. Though we spent our time insideI watching episodes 11 and 12 of season two disc four of Six feet under, which ended at 8pm.

Then my niece said, "now what?"

I hesitated for a few minutes. Since we've been watching nothing but dvd's, it would be easy to just do that again. But I think she's been thinking the same as me, let's do something else, something creative. So I decided to get out some plastalina clay for us to sculpt. I brought her down here to inspire her or find inspiration in turn. Which i am finding to be quite true. With the dvd's and music, I was sharing some influences, but I am thinking now that I've been going about it from a "test" standpoint. I think I wanted to see if she liked the same things I did. It was trust building. She ate it all up. Well, all but the tool videos. They confused her, though she loves the music she didn't understand the videos. I just smiled at that.

Anyway, she burst with excitement when I handed her a chunk of claying say, "Oh, I get to play too!"

And play she did. She made this really nicely done sleeping girl with a mini-skirt and tank top, flowing hair spread out over her pillow. I was quite impressed. (side note of interest: does this mean I doubted her abilities?) I have crafted numerous creatures with the stuff. I really enjoy making things with it. It doesn't dry out, so you can just keep working wth it without all the water spritzing to keep it moist,

The whole time were listening to her music, which I chose to listen to inorder to show her that I care what she likes too, because I do. I want her to feel respect for me as well as herself. I am no expert at this so I am learning the best as to how I can help her the most incredible woman she can be or the very least love who she is,think for herself, and believe in her own ability to face any challenge.

I suppose the hardest part is that I thought I believed that about myself. So when I suddenly find myself in the situation to be an example for her and myself, I suddenly realize that I don't really understand how it all works. So now I am facing that before I can teach something to someone I have to actually understand through experience how true it is. With her, now, and before, I am living and learning in the same beat.

I am going to read this in the morning and be like, "wtf - sorry to be all typical. lost in my babble shit. " all apologetic and uncertain. Well, fuck that, tonight was all good. one breath at a time, living the moment as creatively as possible.

Dear lord can anyone guess my condition....