zarphin

I'm too mixed up right now to be good at anything. Though I'm trying so very hard to maintain good friendships, being a good father, good son, good brother, working hard, organizing things, community helping out, and all the rest, I'm just not doing good at any of it. Maybe I have too much on my plate? If thats the case though why do I feel so bored so often.

I'm a good friend I've always been a good friend to those around me who invest a bit of time into me, I give it back to them to my utmost. I never regret doing this, its part of what defines me as a person. However, apparently when I'm a lonely broken fool I can't keep my friendship feelings from running too close to real feeling for someone, and then it gets all screwed up. I'm so desperate for a relationship apparently that I'm making mistakes with everyone else. What a surprise, none of it is getting me anywhere. I need to settle down, and regroup. I just can't seem to find a way to settle down while being single, and that seems to be, more than anything, what is keeping me single. Damn this life. I'll fix it, I'll get there, I know I will, its just taking longer than I had hoped, and while nothing else is going right in my world, its making it so very much more difficult to do all of this alone. Thats what I am though, is alone, and its about fucking time to get used to it. New goal.

--Z