Its been one hell of a week or two. I'm just not sure where my head is at lately. Currently I'm home after kidney stone surgery. Which wasn't needed. Last night at around midnight, I felt like a stone was going to pass, but at midnight i wasn't allowed anymore to drink or eat anything, which if you don't know, to pass stones you need to drink bunches of water, so I slept like shit, Had pain in my happy place all night. No stones though, I was convinced almost by the time I went to the hospital that I was imagining it. usually for me I'd had the pain that meant a stone was coming, and then an hour or two later, stone would pass. So I get to the hospital, strip down put on my gown, and use the toilet, two stones pass. Thats what we were waiting for! So I tell the nurse, she calls the dr, they do an xray, and the dr, and the radiologist actually said they still saw two more in there. So we went to surgery. Let me tell you, I hate dr's, I don't trust them, not a lick. Between my mothers death, and my soulmates death, I've learned they know no more about disease than I do. So its tough for me to know they are putting me under, and trust everything, but I got through it. Out I go, and when I wake up, they tell me all they did was scope, theres no stent, no laser was used, the scope showed no stones. I'm glad its over, but let me tell you, I have a bunch of pain, and bleeding from a place I'd rather not have those things. So I'm out of it, from the anesthesia.
In other news, I've spent some time with a very cool girl lately, too bad she's involved with someone. Sush is life I suppose, but I am certainly glad to have a good new friend. I just have to keep my head where it needs to be, and not let myself get to attached. Its been a while since I've had any honest fun, and laughter with a girl, so I'm susceptible to idiotic fantasies. I shall have to watch myself, and hope she doesn't stop hanging out with me after this. Open and honest though, thats the best way right.
Its been nearly six months since my love passed away, and I don't know that I'm ready for a real relationship in any case. At the same time, I'm lonely, and need something else in my life to help me recover from the loss. The grief will always be there, and I will never forget her. Soon I'll be wearing a thing around my neck that actually holds some of her cremains. I'm also designing a tattoo for myself in memory of her, though I've had the memorial design for my mom for at least ten years and still don't have that ink either. Maybe I'm too open right now, everything is still raw, maybe thats why I find myself unsure of myself in any situation lately. Any attention from a girl feels wonderful, but friendship is friendship, and I just need to hold o n to that. I used to be very good at it. I'll get back there. I just wish I could take a break. Changing jobs has taken away my vacation for a while, and I hate working forever and ever without a break. My stuff is still all over the place, and then this medical crap. just like whoa. Not that I'll have money to get away when I do get vacation, but I'd really like to at least make it to Boston. I need to visit my loves best friend, and make that right. She and I were supposed to go out there, and I'll feel horrible if she never gets a visit. She's struggling dealing with this too.
I could go on, and on, I have so much to work through right now. But this is enough for one blog. not many read it anyways. SG West Michigan meet up coming up. Super excited, even though i screwed up my schedule a bit. Very glad to think we can get this area moving again with the cool kids, and girls around here.
TTFN
--Z
In other news, I've spent some time with a very cool girl lately, too bad she's involved with someone. Sush is life I suppose, but I am certainly glad to have a good new friend. I just have to keep my head where it needs to be, and not let myself get to attached. Its been a while since I've had any honest fun, and laughter with a girl, so I'm susceptible to idiotic fantasies. I shall have to watch myself, and hope she doesn't stop hanging out with me after this. Open and honest though, thats the best way right.
Its been nearly six months since my love passed away, and I don't know that I'm ready for a real relationship in any case. At the same time, I'm lonely, and need something else in my life to help me recover from the loss. The grief will always be there, and I will never forget her. Soon I'll be wearing a thing around my neck that actually holds some of her cremains. I'm also designing a tattoo for myself in memory of her, though I've had the memorial design for my mom for at least ten years and still don't have that ink either. Maybe I'm too open right now, everything is still raw, maybe thats why I find myself unsure of myself in any situation lately. Any attention from a girl feels wonderful, but friendship is friendship, and I just need to hold o n to that. I used to be very good at it. I'll get back there. I just wish I could take a break. Changing jobs has taken away my vacation for a while, and I hate working forever and ever without a break. My stuff is still all over the place, and then this medical crap. just like whoa. Not that I'll have money to get away when I do get vacation, but I'd really like to at least make it to Boston. I need to visit my loves best friend, and make that right. She and I were supposed to go out there, and I'll feel horrible if she never gets a visit. She's struggling dealing with this too.
I could go on, and on, I have so much to work through right now. But this is enough for one blog. not many read it anyways. SG West Michigan meet up coming up. Super excited, even though i screwed up my schedule a bit. Very glad to think we can get this area moving again with the cool kids, and girls around here.
TTFN
--Z