zaksmith

Contents:
1-Paintings (TemperSawaCharlieRavenAdriaVoltaireSean)
2--HOW TO WATCH 'GIRLS LIE', HOW NOT TO WATCH 'GIRLS LIE'
3-Frequently Asked Questions

1-- My Paintings


(print available in the SG store)

(print available in the SG store)





2-HOW TO WATCH 'GIRLS LIE', HOW NOT TO WATCH 'GIRLS LIE'

-Berlin internet cafe update: Is this a cover of U2's 'One', or did they just record another version? Either way it is an irresponsible doubling of that which was unforgivable to begin with--didn't those jackasses learn anything from Nagasaki?

Yeah, anyway...

-How To Watch 'Girls Lie'

Put it in your DVD player.

Oh, wait, back up-->BUY IT FIRST, right, yeah. And please don't ask me where you can get it. You found SuicideGirls, you obviously know how to use a computer.

Ok, yeah anyway, you bought it, you put it in the dvd player, you get past whatever menu and it starts.

Ok, watch the beginning of it. If I remember correctly it features various members of the cast running around LA talking and stuff with some music and some very stylish cinematography.

Then you get to watch Charlotte's first scene, definitely at least watch the beginning of that because it's weird and disturbing in a very cool indie-film-like-maybe-Todd-Solondz way only there's actually a cock there and it is filmed in an eerie close-uppy kind of way especially at the beginning and Charlotte has a sort of Stepford Girlfriend eeriness about her when she talks which she does pretty much the whole time.

Anyway if you decide that all this is hot and not just interesting, then watch the whole of Charlotte's scene and masturbate to it and if you cum before the guy does then skip ahead to the next scene.

If the beginning of the scene is not hot, then after you've got your fill of the sunny crack-den uncanniness of that sex scene then grab your remote and SKIP AHEAD to the next linking (i.e. non-sex) bit.

I don't remember what the next linking bit is but they're all pretty good in that indie-movie stylish sort of way so you should watch all of them.

Note particularly that Riley Mason looks very good when she bends over in her panties during her first linking bit with Alex Gonz.

Also note that Pixie Pearl is pretty much not really acting in her non-sex scenes and that's pretty much how Pixie really is.

Once any sex scene starts, basically keep doing what I said up there before--that is, watch the beginning, see if you think it's hot, if so, masturbate, if not skip ahead to the next bit.

Whether you're into the people in them or not, be sure to watch the beginning of Dana D's second scene (because it's funny) and the beginning and end of Riley's second scene (because it's mad creepy).

In all cases, unless you are watching one of Charlotte's scenes, ignore the music.

As the credits roll, either:
A) Wallow in the sharply-observed unresolved-and-possibly-unresolveable So-Cal unwholesomeness of it all.
or
B) Decide it was lame and not worth the money you spent and go make your own porno movie.


-How NOT To Watch 'Girls Lie'

Show up to the premiere at the Berlin Porn Film Festival.

Try not to care that, since Eon and Charlotte also showed up, nobody seems to notice that you're in this movie until it actually starts and there's your scene where you are pretty much giving Pixie the full-on "that's right, fucking look at me when you suck it" treatment as a way of mentally blocking out the fact that Eon's three inches from you with an enormous camera with a gaping bright white-hot fluorescent ring-light around its mouth.

Go into the lobby because hey, who the hell can sit through 8 complete unedited 20-minute multiple-position sex scenes on a big screen in a semi-crowded theater? and try probably in vain to explain yourself to the weird German woman who accosts you with "Zo you are ze fucker who tell ze girl how to suck your cock?"

Forget that, in classy Berlin theaters, you can't get Dr. Pepper or hot dogs and so really there's nothing much to buy in the lobby.

Go back in and watch the rest of what seems like one of those weird "ironic punishment"/myth-of-Tantalus situations where you go to hell and the hell guy is like So you like sex, huh? Well now you must watch another hour and a half of sex without actually having it HAHAHAHAHA.

Get up on stage afterwards and try to stand discretely in the background while Charlotte talks about changing her panties and Eon takes questions from bespectacled Germans who seem very excited about the film's muted color palette.

Get a ring-bahn train back to Frederickschain, tuck the girl in, and go to a squat near Ostkreuz and lose at Foozball to a bunch of crusty punks.


3--Frequently Asked Questions
spoilerized to save space