Contents:
1-Paintings (TemperSawaCharlieRavenAdriaVoltaireSean)
2--THE KIND OF CONVERSATION YOU GET WHEN JEFF IS DRUNK AND THE GUY TO GIRL RATIO IS 5-TO-1
3-Frequently Asked Questions
1-- My Paintings
(print available in the SG store)
(print available in the SG store)
2-THE KIND OF CONVERSATION YOU GET WHEN JEFF IS DRUNK AND THE GUY TO GIRL RATIO IS 5-TO-1
J: All I'm saying is, if you hit her in two out of three holes, you had sex, and if not, you didn't.
C: Ok, but, let's say you do her in ass, she gives you a blowjob, you still don't bust?
J: You didn't have sex.
S: What if she only has two holes?
J: Then she's a guy and that means you're gay.
C: So if you sew up her mouth, she's a guy?
S: Ok, so if somebody cums in my ass, but I don't put it anywhere, does that mean I didn't fuck?
J: Unless you put it in two out of three holes, you didn't fuck.
S: But it was put in two of my holes...
J: Then you got fucked. But you didn't fuck.
C: Does this mean you're still a virgin?
S: You guys have been pretty quiet in the back seat, what's the professional opinion?
M: Well it sounds like if you're a girl you never fuck, you just get fucked.
Z: Well...I was just thinking, I get paid the same as long as there's at least one hole involved.
M: Not if you're a girl.
Z: True true, for the girl, one hole counts more than the other two.
S: Is there a points system?
Z: Yeah, like, if you get a blowjob and then a week later you do her only in her pussy, have you now had sex? Do you get, like, credit? Did you half-fuck her?
J: See, you guys gotta make things all complicated, it's a simple rule: you do her in two holes on the same occasion then you had sex, otherwise you didn't have sex.
Z: The same occasion?
C: Yeah, like, say a bitch is riding me on the couch. Then I throw her_she lands on the bed, I get up, walk over there, do her in some other hole.
J: Same occasion. You had sex.
Z: But it was discontinuous.
J: If you're fucking her and you throw her and keep fucking her it's the same occasion.
Z: But, like what if you're on a cliff: You do her in the mouth, throw her, she goes to the bottom of the cliff, it takes a few days to walk down to where she's at...
J: If she's still alive, man...
Z: Alive? The girl has to be alive? This rule is getting more complicated by the minute. She has to be alive, there has to be an occasion. Man, I'm not sure I ever had sex...
S: So, what if I do her one at night, one the next morning, we still didn't have sex?
J: You slept in between, different occasion.
S: What if she's asleep, but I'm awake watching Adult Swim?
C: Ok, say you're on a motorcycle, and you're doing her...
Z: ...and you cross state lines...
C: You do her in one place, she hops on another motorcycle, drives off, you follow her, catch up with her hours later, do her in another hole...Did I have sex?
J: Man, it's a simple rule. Why you gotta bring motorcycles and dead girls and adult fucking swim and cliffs and shit into it?
Z: What if it's Easter? Ok, Easter is a special occasion, right? But then it's midnight and you switch holes..it's not Easter any more...Different occasion?
S: What if you're on the moon and...
J: Mannnn...I am too drunk to deal with all this, it's a simple rule...I'm not fucking bitches on motorcycles on the moon!
Z: Ok, but you did say if you sleep in between, it's not sex, but what if there's some simultaneous auto-erotic unconsciousness in the middle of the sex act?
J: You both sleep, it's not sex!
C: You fuck her and she's asleep, that's sex, right? But let's say you're nodding in and out too the whole time.
J: That doesn't happen.
C: Shit happens to me all the time...
J: If whatever's happening is part of the sexual thing then it's still sex.
C: Alright, what if there's a midget...
J: Fuck this...
C: No, this is serious, ok, there's a midget and you're doing the midget in the ass and the midget's head is going into her pussy?
J: Then you're fucking the midget and you're fucked up.
C: But in that case, the midget is just a condom.
S: What if you make the hole?
J: You stab her and fuck the wound? That's sex.
C: So what if you tit-fuck her?
J: No.
C: Whoa, wait wait wait, so if you stab her and fuck the hole, that's a hole, but not if you tit-fuck her?
J: It's not a hole.
S: But if you sew her nipples together, then it's a hole.
J: No.
Z: Wait, so you can make a negative hole, but not a positive hole?
J: It's not a hole, it's a tunnel.
Z: Tunnels don't count?
J: No.
Z: So what if I'm fucking a baby or a cornish game hen and it comes out its mouth?
J: Man, if you can fuck a baby and make it come out the baby's mouth, I will say that's sex.
Z: So if you fuck a tunnel it doesn't count...
C:...unless it's a baby.
S: So what if there's a sixteen year old girl and...
J: Underage doesn't count.
C: So, if she's under age, no matter what you did to her, it doesn't count?
J: Yeah.
Z: Babies are underage. So, wait, tunnels don't count, and underage doesn't count, unless it's a baby and it comes out its mouth, then it counts?
J: MAN! It's a simple rule, I have used it all my life, you hit her in two holes or you haven't had sex, I am totally fucked up and I can't think straight and you all are getting all technical on me...
Z: Well, that's ok if you've got such a tame lifestyle that you never have to deal with these more sophisticated issues but for the rest of us...
J: No! I have never fucked a baby with motorcycles on the moon and thrown it off a bed onto a midget on fucking Easter_it's a simple fucking rule! I'm fucking tired.
S: Alright, I'm going to bed. Be good.
C: I don't want to hear you two fucking down there.
Z: Well unless you can hear the difference between the first and second hole, you'll never know if we're actually fucking.
J: It's a simple rule!
Z: Or I could just wait a few minutes until it's a different occasion then finish.
J: Fuck off!
S: Ok, I'm turning the lights out.
Z: Goodnight
M: Goodnight
C: Night
J: Seeya
S: Goodnight.
Z: What if you put two things in one hole?
J: That counts.
Z: We just had sex.
3--Frequently Asked Questions
spoilerized to save space
1-Paintings (TemperSawaCharlieRavenAdriaVoltaireSean)
2--THE KIND OF CONVERSATION YOU GET WHEN JEFF IS DRUNK AND THE GUY TO GIRL RATIO IS 5-TO-1
3-Frequently Asked Questions
1-- My Paintings
(print available in the SG store)
(print available in the SG store)
2-THE KIND OF CONVERSATION YOU GET WHEN JEFF IS DRUNK AND THE GUY TO GIRL RATIO IS 5-TO-1
J: All I'm saying is, if you hit her in two out of three holes, you had sex, and if not, you didn't.
C: Ok, but, let's say you do her in ass, she gives you a blowjob, you still don't bust?
J: You didn't have sex.
S: What if she only has two holes?
J: Then she's a guy and that means you're gay.
C: So if you sew up her mouth, she's a guy?
S: Ok, so if somebody cums in my ass, but I don't put it anywhere, does that mean I didn't fuck?
J: Unless you put it in two out of three holes, you didn't fuck.
S: But it was put in two of my holes...
J: Then you got fucked. But you didn't fuck.
C: Does this mean you're still a virgin?
S: You guys have been pretty quiet in the back seat, what's the professional opinion?
M: Well it sounds like if you're a girl you never fuck, you just get fucked.
Z: Well...I was just thinking, I get paid the same as long as there's at least one hole involved.
M: Not if you're a girl.
Z: True true, for the girl, one hole counts more than the other two.
S: Is there a points system?
Z: Yeah, like, if you get a blowjob and then a week later you do her only in her pussy, have you now had sex? Do you get, like, credit? Did you half-fuck her?
J: See, you guys gotta make things all complicated, it's a simple rule: you do her in two holes on the same occasion then you had sex, otherwise you didn't have sex.
Z: The same occasion?
C: Yeah, like, say a bitch is riding me on the couch. Then I throw her_she lands on the bed, I get up, walk over there, do her in some other hole.
J: Same occasion. You had sex.
Z: But it was discontinuous.
J: If you're fucking her and you throw her and keep fucking her it's the same occasion.
Z: But, like what if you're on a cliff: You do her in the mouth, throw her, she goes to the bottom of the cliff, it takes a few days to walk down to where she's at...
J: If she's still alive, man...
Z: Alive? The girl has to be alive? This rule is getting more complicated by the minute. She has to be alive, there has to be an occasion. Man, I'm not sure I ever had sex...
S: So, what if I do her one at night, one the next morning, we still didn't have sex?
J: You slept in between, different occasion.
S: What if she's asleep, but I'm awake watching Adult Swim?
C: Ok, say you're on a motorcycle, and you're doing her...
Z: ...and you cross state lines...
C: You do her in one place, she hops on another motorcycle, drives off, you follow her, catch up with her hours later, do her in another hole...Did I have sex?
J: Man, it's a simple rule. Why you gotta bring motorcycles and dead girls and adult fucking swim and cliffs and shit into it?
Z: What if it's Easter? Ok, Easter is a special occasion, right? But then it's midnight and you switch holes..it's not Easter any more...Different occasion?
S: What if you're on the moon and...
J: Mannnn...I am too drunk to deal with all this, it's a simple rule...I'm not fucking bitches on motorcycles on the moon!
Z: Ok, but you did say if you sleep in between, it's not sex, but what if there's some simultaneous auto-erotic unconsciousness in the middle of the sex act?
J: You both sleep, it's not sex!
C: You fuck her and she's asleep, that's sex, right? But let's say you're nodding in and out too the whole time.
J: That doesn't happen.
C: Shit happens to me all the time...
J: If whatever's happening is part of the sexual thing then it's still sex.
C: Alright, what if there's a midget...
J: Fuck this...
C: No, this is serious, ok, there's a midget and you're doing the midget in the ass and the midget's head is going into her pussy?
J: Then you're fucking the midget and you're fucked up.
C: But in that case, the midget is just a condom.
S: What if you make the hole?
J: You stab her and fuck the wound? That's sex.
C: So what if you tit-fuck her?
J: No.
C: Whoa, wait wait wait, so if you stab her and fuck the hole, that's a hole, but not if you tit-fuck her?
J: It's not a hole.
S: But if you sew her nipples together, then it's a hole.
J: No.
Z: Wait, so you can make a negative hole, but not a positive hole?
J: It's not a hole, it's a tunnel.
Z: Tunnels don't count?
J: No.
Z: So what if I'm fucking a baby or a cornish game hen and it comes out its mouth?
J: Man, if you can fuck a baby and make it come out the baby's mouth, I will say that's sex.
Z: So if you fuck a tunnel it doesn't count...
C:...unless it's a baby.
S: So what if there's a sixteen year old girl and...
J: Underage doesn't count.
C: So, if she's under age, no matter what you did to her, it doesn't count?
J: Yeah.
Z: Babies are underage. So, wait, tunnels don't count, and underage doesn't count, unless it's a baby and it comes out its mouth, then it counts?
J: MAN! It's a simple rule, I have used it all my life, you hit her in two holes or you haven't had sex, I am totally fucked up and I can't think straight and you all are getting all technical on me...
Z: Well, that's ok if you've got such a tame lifestyle that you never have to deal with these more sophisticated issues but for the rest of us...
J: No! I have never fucked a baby with motorcycles on the moon and thrown it off a bed onto a midget on fucking Easter_it's a simple fucking rule! I'm fucking tired.
S: Alright, I'm going to bed. Be good.
C: I don't want to hear you two fucking down there.
Z: Well unless you can hear the difference between the first and second hole, you'll never know if we're actually fucking.
J: It's a simple rule!
Z: Or I could just wait a few minutes until it's a different occasion then finish.
J: Fuck off!
S: Ok, I'm turning the lights out.
Z: Goodnight
M: Goodnight
C: Night
J: Seeya
S: Goodnight.
Z: What if you put two things in one hole?
J: That counts.
Z: We just had sex.
3--Frequently Asked Questions
spoilerized to save space
VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
My mom went with my brother to apartment hunt in San Francisco. He's going to law school there. They found a place on the Haight that's walking distance from Amoeba. He lives there now.
Anyhow, my mom went to the San Francisco Museum of Art whilst in SF, because that is the sort of thing she does. She goes to galleries, and she goes to museums, and she hangs out and chats with billionaire collectors who have much more money than we do. And by much more, I mean billions more. Because we don't have that kind of cash. As, I was saying, she went to the museum and saw your show and was really, really, really impressed. Loves your stuff.
SO: Any car services you recommend? Is it going to cost an arm and a leg? I don't want to spend more than 50 bones on it. Thanks!