Well just a heads this one is just going to be a rant on my current emotional state.
I'm not even sure where to start really. Just feels like I have a knife in my chest right now. Let's see, well I've recently found out that a girl I've had a crush on for, I don't even now how long anymore but a long ass time, has been sleeping with another guy. Though he wants something for from it but she at this point wishes it never happened. Though it still stings when you learn something like that about a crush. She is Bi-sexual but leans more towards girls. In the beginning of our friendship she was dating another girl which wasn't an issue, it actually took some of the stress off of trying to become friends. And in the beginning that's all I wanted. But as time went on a crush formed, it happens. But she was still in a relationship, whatever, I'm a guy I just swallow my emotions anyways. Years go by. I dated a few people, went to the shits, and when the dust settled there's my friend always there to talk to and well old feelings come to the surface again... only, dare I say, a little stronger. She's coming out of a 4 year relationship, so I figure, I'll be that good friend she always was to me and then when wounds heal maybe talk to her and see what happens. Only before I even had a chance I find out she slept with a guy from her work, whom I've met and for the most part is a nice guy. For me the kick in the teeth was that she kinda likes him too but because he's trying way too hard to make it into something it isn't it has her a little freaked out. I only just found all this out last night though I've had my suspicions for a few weeks now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. But anyways like an idiot I blurt out that I have feelings for her and all I really got from her as a response was we'll talk later. My heads just spinning with all kinds of shit, I got a knife in my chest and my hands are shaking.
Once, just f*****g once it would be nice to have a crush like me back. I'm a nice guy, I'd like to think I'm at least a little attractive. I do everything that feels right and in the end I get nothing, well I suppose in this case it's not quite the end yet but I highly doubt it will work out the way I'd like it to. Just an all too familiar road.
I'm not even sure where to start really. Just feels like I have a knife in my chest right now. Let's see, well I've recently found out that a girl I've had a crush on for, I don't even now how long anymore but a long ass time, has been sleeping with another guy. Though he wants something for from it but she at this point wishes it never happened. Though it still stings when you learn something like that about a crush. She is Bi-sexual but leans more towards girls. In the beginning of our friendship she was dating another girl which wasn't an issue, it actually took some of the stress off of trying to become friends. And in the beginning that's all I wanted. But as time went on a crush formed, it happens. But she was still in a relationship, whatever, I'm a guy I just swallow my emotions anyways. Years go by. I dated a few people, went to the shits, and when the dust settled there's my friend always there to talk to and well old feelings come to the surface again... only, dare I say, a little stronger. She's coming out of a 4 year relationship, so I figure, I'll be that good friend she always was to me and then when wounds heal maybe talk to her and see what happens. Only before I even had a chance I find out she slept with a guy from her work, whom I've met and for the most part is a nice guy. For me the kick in the teeth was that she kinda likes him too but because he's trying way too hard to make it into something it isn't it has her a little freaked out. I only just found all this out last night though I've had my suspicions for a few weeks now. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. But anyways like an idiot I blurt out that I have feelings for her and all I really got from her as a response was we'll talk later. My heads just spinning with all kinds of shit, I got a knife in my chest and my hands are shaking.
Once, just f*****g once it would be nice to have a crush like me back. I'm a nice guy, I'd like to think I'm at least a little attractive. I do everything that feels right and in the end I get nothing, well I suppose in this case it's not quite the end yet but I highly doubt it will work out the way I'd like it to. Just an all too familiar road.