Im in a bit of a depressed mood at the moment, ive spoilered the blog for those that dont want to read it. Its a little about how i feel and is really just me putting down my thoughts for myself to i dont know deal with them somehow?
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
'Ive Met the perfect woman, sadly she met the perfect man and they are wonderfully happy together'
Story of my life really.
Thats sort of how i feel about someone and have felt for a number of years in fact, its very sad and more than a little depressing tbh. I met her on here over 3 years ago when i was first on this site (my friend got me to join as she thought it would help my confidence and maybe i would meet someone.) i was totally suprised that she would even friend request me and i think she is the most wonderful, beautiful person ive ever met, we like the same things enjoyed talking over msn a lot and in my mind i thought she was perfect, i would have done anything for her. In fact i still would. one major problem i have is that im am very very bad at anything socially, im nervous, unsure and i tend to panic a little. I somehow always manage to just end up as a 'friend' whenever i meet someone i like and with her it was no different and during that time she met her man and well it felt like the world dropped out from under me, i was a total mess for a while and probably didnt act very well for a bit but i didnt want to lose touch with her. We have been good friends ever since and because ive always wanted her to be happy ive never let how i feel about her get in the way of my friendship and her relationship with her man. I can see how much they love each other and how much he makes her be happy and im happy for her, regardless of how i have felt for her. I had this idea in my head for about a year or two after this that if i could find someone like her maybe i would be happy but relationships and me never seem to get off the ground and Ive got to the point where i dont want to talk to anyone i like because i dont want to be rejected anymore.
She recently said that i was one of the sweetest, thoughtful and nicest guys she has ever met, and i just wonder if there is anyone who sees that and thinks that they want to be more than just friends. I still talk to her alot even though sometimes i do find it quite hard and the same goes for her blogs here sometimes. I dont know why even after all these years she still has this affect on me and i really wish i knew how to stop it. Maybe when i finally get to see her after all of these years that may happen but im still very very nervous about seeing her and whether i would do anything totally stupid when i do which would ruin everything.
Shes a wonderful person and deserves to be happy and i want to make sure that she is, now matter what i feel.
I know im being stupid and i wish to god i could let go of these feelings. Its silly but its one of the major reasons i dont want to be single anymore.
I dont know, will she still want to meet me if she reads this?
I'm pretty much regarded by every girl/woman (not sure which is appropriate really) I've ever met as Nice Guy material, which for a long time I thought was a curse but it's all a matter of perspective the bonus of girls thinking you're a Nice Guy is they don't have to worry about you wanting to get in their pants which is refreshing and makes a change from every other guy they know pretty much. It makes friendships a lot stronger too since it develops trust a lot more if you're not one of the guys. I've met my soon to be housemates via SG purely because of being a Nice Guy so don't get too down about being seen that way.
I know from personal experience I don't see any of the positive attributes of my personality in myself despite being told about them numerous times by several friends, I have incredibly low self-esteem because of it so don't think I'm ever going to meet anyone because of it and several other issues I have.
Dealing with feelings for someone is awkward, especially if they're a friend. In your case I think if your friendship is anything like you describe it then the girl in question should be happy she's got such a good friend in you who cares about her happiness even to the detriment of your own.
Like merlowe says there's no easy way around the minefiled of emotions you find yourself in when you like someone.
As always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support on my sets! You have no idea what that means to me!! I'm so glad to know that I have a friend on the other side of the pond!