zagan

I am sick of the subculture arena, the turns that I see it taking are no longer what I use to describe myself nor do I wish to be affiliated with the dense, plastic, and skin deep philosophies of those who commit themselves to that way of life. The people that I increasingly find within the sub cultural world are quite fake and no longer know that ideals of what a subculture is for. I walk my own path through the darkened desert wasteland of reality, the things I hold as most important no longer matter to the empty headed Gothics and rambunctious punk rockers. Truly, am I not one of them, probably never have been nor ever will be. A subculture should be applied to you, not you trying to change your ideals to fit into a subculture. Its sad but over time either I have changed, or those who I see entering the arena have changed.
They all seem to follow the god they have created known as Marilyn Manson, and I only hold him in disdain as A sell out and preaching a way of life he himself does not take part in. What makes him so fascinating to others eludes me, and probably always well, I will never be caught in his web of Strangeness and delusions, like I see so many have done. The music no longer holds meaning to them but preaches anger and hatred, of which I already hold in good amounts why do I need to listen to somebody else preach these things when I have already found them and wish to escape them? Music to me is something I could not bear to be without, it creates mindscapes of wonder and tugs are my intellect causing me to unwind the tendrils of similes and metaphor in order to understand what it means to me.
I will listen to anything I find pleasing not limiting myself to that which only my friends would approve of like I see so many doing. Electronica is my genre of choice, just because I find the sounds intriguing and the lyrics deeper than that of your regular screaming rock band that I hold no love for. I hold no respect to those who dedicate themselves to Slipknot, Manson, Cradle, or Tool, they are merely public pleasing bands, not bands that merely play for themselves, and dont care what the public thinks of them. Fewer and fewer have I found people who even know who Skinny Puppy is, or velvet acid christ, or Front line assembly for starters, and its saddened me that the subcultures have changed so much that these names no longer are known.
Books and knowledge are no longer held in the Esteem they once were, instead of Shakespeare, its the biography of Marilyn Manson and the Satanic bible that I see most frequently read by frequent subculture kids. It saddens me that so may of them are no longer true original but angry youngsters who try to fit themselves into a certain sheared. Many of them choosing this way of life in order to try and be different but just ending up like the other carbon copy Goths in the end. It seems like the more youngsters that show up in the subculture the more the culture looses its sense of what it truly started out as. Its not all youngsters either, I have found many of them that are truly inspired, but it seems that the ones that truly get it are washed aside by the waves of those who dont get it.
Art is no longer important and neither is looking original, but looking like all of your other sub culture friends. I guess that I am in a section of my own most fitting into the Modified subculture now than any other, for I have found the mod culture to be more true to oneself than any other out there. However in California, except maybe for san Francisco, there really isnt a mod culture at all. After that I know not what I am, I guess maybe an industrial Sci-fi freak. Which there are next to none in Sacramento. I am obsessed with all things futuristic, I enjoy dressing as I do, which may be all black or maybe it wont, Ill shave my head like a punk rocker but I have more motivation in life than your average punk rocker.
My face is filled with metal, my ears stretched out to a little less than an inch, and most frequently youll find me reading, writing, drawing, thinking, or listening to music that Ranges from Delirium and Enigma to KMFDM and Type O Negative. I rant like a mother fucker about Politics and Religion and I will never let an argument pass me by. I dont enjoy fighting like many of the stupid I have to prove Im more hard core than you are Goothics do. I dont need to prove myself to anybody nor do I wish to be Hard Core, I just want to be my fucking self. I dont think I am better than anybody, Just different, and by writing this, I do not wish to bash anybody, just point out differences. Never In my life will I dislike anybody for being different than me, I do not try and make people live life like I do and think like I do, it is not how I wish things to be. I dont want followers or even many times friends, I just wish for people to leave me alone and not try to force me into their way of life and I will do the same for them.
I am most definitely not hard core, just a bit insane. My life Is like everybody elses, it has its difficulties and its joys, some things are harder for me than for others, but I can handle that. I do not wish to be anything other than me, even though it is hard to be me at times. Never will I follow the masses of the self righteous and Conformed nor will I follow the rebels and the Manson Kids. Yet I expect no one to follow me, nor be like me, or like the things I do, or think the way I think, I merely wish that they leave me alone, lost in my night time world and quit trying to conform me to their causes. I have my own cause that I follow, even if I dont know what It is half the time, and I merely wish to live my life the way I do without any interference from those who wish to band me into their group, weather it be sub cultural or otherwise. If that means living alone, without friends or companions than so be it, for my life is my own and never will I let anybody control the path it takes but me.