Family get together torture....
The haze of sleep filled dreams still touches the outer reaches of my consciousness. Yet although I try to grasp their meaning they pull farther away from my reaching mind into the cavernous cavities of thought. Gone they are from me, like so many thoughts, and so many memories. Hidden from my reaches behind walls I am not able to penetrate. So many things have gone this way, deep behind the barriers of my own making.
I am distracted this morning, my thoughts continuously brought to the winter wonderland outside my door. It is windy outside, it must be, for there are clouds of snow and Ice blowing down the street, and tufts of cold powder escaping into the air from my roof with each howling gust. The caffeine has yet to enter into my system, though the coffee warms my tummy and makes me complacent. I am fiending for nicotine, for I was only able to get a few puffs off my cancer stick before I felt the bite of the cold and had to release it into the butt can.
I have to remind myself what day it is, I constantly loose track of what part of the week I am currently existing in. Sometimes the hours and minuets and days all melt together and I am left wondering, were did the time go? I must start my preparations for the week, for it is going to be quite a lonely one. Not lonely in the sense of loneliness, for I hardly ever feel that, but lonely in the sense that I will truly be the only one present in this house for a few days. My mother is off to Sacramento for the Divorce hearing, and I am left to sit the house and my dog. I do not mind the chore, for it gives me some peace from my mothers incessant nattering.
My biggest preparation however, is for the yuletide party my mother has planned for the twenty-third of this month. I truly have distaste for family gatherings, both my mothers, and fathers, for all are completely nutty when they grace the same area together. This year I am celebrating with my mothers side, which is a bit more difficult for me, many of these people I haven't seen for years, so I do not have any inkling about the cat and mouse games they play when conversing.
I hate this impromptu way of digging for information that all families seem to possess. Because I have not been here for years, my mother has had to tell me who to look out for and who is okay. It seems that there are certain members of this northern family of mine, who are quite judgmental and have a love for gossip. I am, however, not a gossip, I have found only those people who have no life of their own, feel they have to fill up conversations with information on those other than themselves. Sadly though, many in this family have that gossip vein running deep through out their being. Listening, poking, prodding, eavesdropping and twisting whatever tidbits of information they may get on others, and spreading those twisted bits to any who will listen.
Many I fear, will be highly surprised when they run into me, the last time I have been in their presence was when I was but the age of fourteen and looking by all standards completely normal. I was a big pothead at the time, and probably seemed completely laid back, like I would take any of the nastiness they dished my way. Hell, that probably would have been true, but alas it is not true now, and if they try to bombard me with thinly veiled barbed words now, I will surely rip them a new one.
I have one Uncle who is quite like this, he speaks with forked tongue, sometimes he is most charming, and others he is quite antagonistic. He is one of those people who has never had offspring, and knows naught about the world outside of Edmonton, nor how people should act. Him and his girlfriend, have this Idea that girls who don't shop at Old Navy and who don't have long stylish blond hair, must then most definitely be a bad egg.
To them, by all looks and appearances I am that bad egg!
A while ago, when my mom went here to visit she talked a bit about my sister and I and about a Marilyn Manson concert we had been too. My uncle fully chastised her with the comment "you let him see the guy who rips heads off of kitty cats"! Thankfully my mother had been at the concert as well so she brushed him off by saying as much and telling him, no kitty cats were harmed during the concert.
This pig headed uncle of mine has been spreading falsities that I steal purses! First of all, yes I have stolen things in my life, but haven't for a long time. He knows naught of my past behavior, so he came to this conclusion based purely on my appearance. I am the last person who would steal from a family member! Unfortunately this family of mine continually lets him spread lies about people.
I on the other hand am not so censored, and this mom fears. I have the habit of spewing things out when I am angry, and although it takes quite a lot to anger me, liars and gossips have always known how to push those buttons the right way.
I knew when coming here that my appearance would upset some of my family members. Most are pretty conservative and mainstream by any standards and many quite sheltered to what and who is out there beyond their little group of the normal citizen. I am sure I will be a shock to them, so different am I, both in personality and appearance, from the fourteen year old they last saw.
Hmmm well cross your fingers and hope I play good, for I fear my snapping jaw might let loose some improper words to those whom my mother wishes not to offend. Ahhh well fuck it, it might make this little family get together more fun anyway. If someone tries to pry at all into my life, I shall tell them I am a professional cannibal, and wait to see how long that rumor goes on before coming back for me to hear! Sheesh though, some people are just so Idiotic that it would have been better if they were drowned at birth than to live out these wasted annoying lives and bring piss and vinegar to others.
Truly I wonder if it is just my luck to be graced with a family of vipers, on BOTH sides too! Hopefully I am not the only one trapped with such menaces on either side! Anyway my only consolation is that Thank goodness I am adopted and not truly related to any of these slack jawed piss pots. Maybe I'll get abducted by aliens before the party and not have to go! However, I know I have no such luck and will have to slug it out in a house full of insanity. Honestly I would rather be probed by weird creatures from outer space than white knuckle it through a family gathering. Wow thats sad when one prefers abduction and probing than mingling with ones relations.
The haze of sleep filled dreams still touches the outer reaches of my consciousness. Yet although I try to grasp their meaning they pull farther away from my reaching mind into the cavernous cavities of thought. Gone they are from me, like so many thoughts, and so many memories. Hidden from my reaches behind walls I am not able to penetrate. So many things have gone this way, deep behind the barriers of my own making.
I am distracted this morning, my thoughts continuously brought to the winter wonderland outside my door. It is windy outside, it must be, for there are clouds of snow and Ice blowing down the street, and tufts of cold powder escaping into the air from my roof with each howling gust. The caffeine has yet to enter into my system, though the coffee warms my tummy and makes me complacent. I am fiending for nicotine, for I was only able to get a few puffs off my cancer stick before I felt the bite of the cold and had to release it into the butt can.
I have to remind myself what day it is, I constantly loose track of what part of the week I am currently existing in. Sometimes the hours and minuets and days all melt together and I am left wondering, were did the time go? I must start my preparations for the week, for it is going to be quite a lonely one. Not lonely in the sense of loneliness, for I hardly ever feel that, but lonely in the sense that I will truly be the only one present in this house for a few days. My mother is off to Sacramento for the Divorce hearing, and I am left to sit the house and my dog. I do not mind the chore, for it gives me some peace from my mothers incessant nattering.
My biggest preparation however, is for the yuletide party my mother has planned for the twenty-third of this month. I truly have distaste for family gatherings, both my mothers, and fathers, for all are completely nutty when they grace the same area together. This year I am celebrating with my mothers side, which is a bit more difficult for me, many of these people I haven't seen for years, so I do not have any inkling about the cat and mouse games they play when conversing.
I hate this impromptu way of digging for information that all families seem to possess. Because I have not been here for years, my mother has had to tell me who to look out for and who is okay. It seems that there are certain members of this northern family of mine, who are quite judgmental and have a love for gossip. I am, however, not a gossip, I have found only those people who have no life of their own, feel they have to fill up conversations with information on those other than themselves. Sadly though, many in this family have that gossip vein running deep through out their being. Listening, poking, prodding, eavesdropping and twisting whatever tidbits of information they may get on others, and spreading those twisted bits to any who will listen.
Many I fear, will be highly surprised when they run into me, the last time I have been in their presence was when I was but the age of fourteen and looking by all standards completely normal. I was a big pothead at the time, and probably seemed completely laid back, like I would take any of the nastiness they dished my way. Hell, that probably would have been true, but alas it is not true now, and if they try to bombard me with thinly veiled barbed words now, I will surely rip them a new one.
I have one Uncle who is quite like this, he speaks with forked tongue, sometimes he is most charming, and others he is quite antagonistic. He is one of those people who has never had offspring, and knows naught about the world outside of Edmonton, nor how people should act. Him and his girlfriend, have this Idea that girls who don't shop at Old Navy and who don't have long stylish blond hair, must then most definitely be a bad egg.
To them, by all looks and appearances I am that bad egg!
A while ago, when my mom went here to visit she talked a bit about my sister and I and about a Marilyn Manson concert we had been too. My uncle fully chastised her with the comment "you let him see the guy who rips heads off of kitty cats"! Thankfully my mother had been at the concert as well so she brushed him off by saying as much and telling him, no kitty cats were harmed during the concert.
This pig headed uncle of mine has been spreading falsities that I steal purses! First of all, yes I have stolen things in my life, but haven't for a long time. He knows naught of my past behavior, so he came to this conclusion based purely on my appearance. I am the last person who would steal from a family member! Unfortunately this family of mine continually lets him spread lies about people.
I on the other hand am not so censored, and this mom fears. I have the habit of spewing things out when I am angry, and although it takes quite a lot to anger me, liars and gossips have always known how to push those buttons the right way.
I knew when coming here that my appearance would upset some of my family members. Most are pretty conservative and mainstream by any standards and many quite sheltered to what and who is out there beyond their little group of the normal citizen. I am sure I will be a shock to them, so different am I, both in personality and appearance, from the fourteen year old they last saw.
Hmmm well cross your fingers and hope I play good, for I fear my snapping jaw might let loose some improper words to those whom my mother wishes not to offend. Ahhh well fuck it, it might make this little family get together more fun anyway. If someone tries to pry at all into my life, I shall tell them I am a professional cannibal, and wait to see how long that rumor goes on before coming back for me to hear! Sheesh though, some people are just so Idiotic that it would have been better if they were drowned at birth than to live out these wasted annoying lives and bring piss and vinegar to others.
Truly I wonder if it is just my luck to be graced with a family of vipers, on BOTH sides too! Hopefully I am not the only one trapped with such menaces on either side! Anyway my only consolation is that Thank goodness I am adopted and not truly related to any of these slack jawed piss pots. Maybe I'll get abducted by aliens before the party and not have to go! However, I know I have no such luck and will have to slug it out in a house full of insanity. Honestly I would rather be probed by weird creatures from outer space than white knuckle it through a family gathering. Wow thats sad when one prefers abduction and probing than mingling with ones relations.
I'm back, have you got over that sinus infection yet...?
xx