yumchen

Ooh! I like the inbox feature. cool.

So....

I have decided that i have been taking my significant other into consideration WAAAAAaaayyy to much and that it has been making me feel like we are married or something without the benefit of mutual goals.

SO, I have decided to stand up for myself on the little and big things I find important boat be damned (rockin the boat boat thing). Now he thinks I am being bossy. Fine. If things get rocky when I start being outspoken about my needs and wants then what does that say about us?

Issues we have rocked the boat on this week:
Marriage-whether I can expect him to be ready for marriage by the time we graduate at which we'll have been together for 5 years

Whether I should be able to use my care when I freakin need it-we can't carpool this term since my schedule involves nights

Cell phones-he likes to think he is amish and above certain technology (but spends hours at a time playing video games)

Medication to treat depression and/or anxiety- I'm sorry but nursing school has been the most stressfull thing I have ever done and getting sleep, eating uber healthy, not partying, and exercising aren't keeping me from having panic attacks during clinicals.

I am seriously considering moving out. I think we have become complacent and have assumed much about our relationship that is not true.

I don't want to end it, but god we need some perspective if we are going to figure this shit out.

I want to get married after college and start working on getting a house and paying off school debt and talking about a family. Like getting a dog or something. He is scared on and off when we talk about it. Bringing it up half the time and then shutting me down when he decides it's too much.

He is fucking 27 years old and will be halfway to 29 when we graduate. He tells me he "feels" like we are married so why do we need a piece of paper. Jackass. We aren't anarchists but two people who are well intergrated into a society where this piece of paper does mean something. It means something to me, our parents, cousins, and even our free-spirited uber hippy friends who got married last year!

I don't want to be that person that waits around for 10 years hoping he'll get over his fear (of whatever) and then get left because he decides he has an out without that paper holding him back and would rather just go than change to fit the relationship. (apparantly that is what I am supposed to be doing (not what he said but how I feel))

Bah. I am so tired of being confused. I know this is life and it happens but it sucks when it happens to you and you look at this person you love and wonder how this all happened and what the fuck comes next. I don't want things to continue as they have been.

Anyway, I like typing rather than writing and this is technically my journal. Thank you internet friends for your understanding of the shit that is life.