I TAKE A LOOK BACK AT THE THINGS I HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE AND I WONDER WHY I HAVE CHOSSEN THE THINGS THAT I HAVE.... I THINK ABOUT WHERE I AM TODAY AND WHERE I MIGHT BE TOMORROW AND I ASK MYSELF WHY DID I CHOOSE THIS PATH WHY DID I DO WHAT I HAVE DONE... PEOPLE ME SAY THAT I AM LIVING IN THE PAST AND THE PAST IS THAT PAST AND LIVE FOR TODAY... BUT I CANT SEEM TO LET GO OF THE PAST I CANT SEEM TO MOE ON FROM HERE AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME...I DONT KNOW WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS AND I DONT KNOW HOW I WILL HANDLE WHAT IT WILL BRING... I AM 24 YEARS OLD I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TWICE...ONCE AT 16 THAT LASTED TILL I WAS 18 THEN AGAIN AT 19 AND WELL I AM STILL TECHNICLY MARRIED..... THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I WISH I COULD GO BACK 2 AND A HLF YEARS AGO AND DO THINGS SOO DIFRENTLY...BUT I KNOW THAT I CANT....I AM SOPPOSE TO BE THE BEST MOTHER FOR MY CHILDREN I AM SOPPOSE TO GUIDE THEM IN LIFE AND SHOW THEM THE BEST WAY TO MAKE CHOICES AND ITS SAD BECAUSE I CANT EVEN DO IT FOR MYSELF......I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM HERE I REALLY DONT I FEEL SO DAMN LOST I HAVE SO MUCH ON MY PLATE AND SO MANY THINGS TO DECIDE....I DO KNOW ONE THING AND THAT IS THAT I AM NOT HAPPY AND NO THE COMMENT I WROTE LAST NIGHT IS NOT ALL THE REASONS WHY I AM NOT HAPPY I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND SINCE I WAS 15 I HAVE BEEN BEATEN DOWN PHYSICALY AND MENTALY AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO COPE I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM THERE IT FEELS LIKE EVERYTHING IS HITTING ME AT ONCE......ITS LIKE I WOKE UP ONE MORNING AND MY LIFE SEEMED SO UNBEARABLE SO CONFUSING SO UNSATISFTYING (SORRY FOR MY SPELLING)...... I ONCE CONCIDERED MYSELF A STRONG WOMAN....SOME WHO KNEW WHERE SHE WAS GOING AND WHAT SHE WAS DOING AND WHAT SHE WANTED OUT OF LIFE.....NOT NO MORE...... I GUESS THATS ALL FOR TONIGHT
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Some think they have all the fucking time in the world to make things the way they want them.
Yeah Red it is MORE than fucking important for you to put your kids first but you have to also find time to figure out what you want. Do you think it would be wrong to explain to your old man what you would like to do? I mean hopefully he loves AND fucking RESPECTs you. You are still fucking young as shit Red. Do you think everything you long for is so out of reach? Do you think if things change no one will want a woman who gained a bit of wieght and has kids?
Don't sell yourself so short doll. Make yourself a plan to obtain what it is that you want. Of course you won't be able to have the same freedom as someone who doesn't have kids but that doesn't mean you are dead yet? And I'm sure your a good mother and I am sure you love your kids. Talk to me babe, tell me what it is you want to achieve or what you think you are missing out on. Anyway pretty girl, I'll talk to you L8er......AJ