my membership to this dealy expires soon. i was debating on whether or not to get another one but i suppose i should. 1 year anybody?
school started monday and i didn't enroll. to be honest, my main concern is getting out of santa cruz at this point. i was speaking to my friend alyse today, telling her about how i've been spending a lot of money lately. she asked why and i said it's because i'm bored and not extremely happy here so i go shopping to fill that void as a bandaid. my evenings are strange though, i come home, make food, watch tv from 6-8 and then do whatever from then on. i've become horribly redudant and predictable. bleh. tonight i was thinking about how different things were when i moved here. just the memories seem so different. it hit me that i almost never go to parties anymore, i'm sxe now so i don't drink anymore, everything seems so much less exciting. i have some wonderful friends out here but they seem as disillusioned with santa cruz as i do. it's strange. i just miss the big city. i miss the excitement and overwhelmingness. i feel so big in sc. it's so small and now i can't walk more than two blocks downtown without running into a friend. there's something to be said for that but at the same time it's a bit suffocating. i feel like i've seen everything that santa cruz has to offer but i know i haven't. these past few weeks i've truly accepted that i'm friends with a lot of shallow fucking people out here. a lot of scene queens who don't care about me. i am to them what i suppose they are to me, people there to fill the space until something better comes along. it's gross. i've set my moving date (tentative of course) but it looks like it'll work out this way. may 1st i'm out of here. maybe a few days before. who knows. two and a half months to go. hopefully i'll find some inner happiness. inner peace. sounds cliche but according to steve keenan at work, that's where it all lies. we'll see about that. anyway, i'm looking forward to leaving but will be saddened to move away from some people who have truly impacted me and my life and i'll miss like my friends back home. and of course the sunsets and blue skies and ocean and beach and mellowness and warmth and romanticism of california.
valentine's day is soon. i think i'll send texas something. and that night ian mackaye is playing in town. i could still use a date *nudge nudge* *wink wink* that's right, i'm talkin to YOU!
school started monday and i didn't enroll. to be honest, my main concern is getting out of santa cruz at this point. i was speaking to my friend alyse today, telling her about how i've been spending a lot of money lately. she asked why and i said it's because i'm bored and not extremely happy here so i go shopping to fill that void as a bandaid. my evenings are strange though, i come home, make food, watch tv from 6-8 and then do whatever from then on. i've become horribly redudant and predictable. bleh. tonight i was thinking about how different things were when i moved here. just the memories seem so different. it hit me that i almost never go to parties anymore, i'm sxe now so i don't drink anymore, everything seems so much less exciting. i have some wonderful friends out here but they seem as disillusioned with santa cruz as i do. it's strange. i just miss the big city. i miss the excitement and overwhelmingness. i feel so big in sc. it's so small and now i can't walk more than two blocks downtown without running into a friend. there's something to be said for that but at the same time it's a bit suffocating. i feel like i've seen everything that santa cruz has to offer but i know i haven't. these past few weeks i've truly accepted that i'm friends with a lot of shallow fucking people out here. a lot of scene queens who don't care about me. i am to them what i suppose they are to me, people there to fill the space until something better comes along. it's gross. i've set my moving date (tentative of course) but it looks like it'll work out this way. may 1st i'm out of here. maybe a few days before. who knows. two and a half months to go. hopefully i'll find some inner happiness. inner peace. sounds cliche but according to steve keenan at work, that's where it all lies. we'll see about that. anyway, i'm looking forward to leaving but will be saddened to move away from some people who have truly impacted me and my life and i'll miss like my friends back home. and of course the sunsets and blue skies and ocean and beach and mellowness and warmth and romanticism of california.
valentine's day is soon. i think i'll send texas something. and that night ian mackaye is playing in town. i could still use a date *nudge nudge* *wink wink* that's right, i'm talkin to YOU!
You'll find that the sXe scene is full of fake people who are just desperate to be part of something. You should definately re-subscribe though. it would be a shame to lose someone with such kick-ass musical tastes.
My friend also had a copy of "evasion" but when had a flick through it, I couldn't help but think "Hippies"! All that DIY, "see how much you can get for free" stuff doesn't really interest me too much, yet. I'll try and get round to reading it though, when I have some time.
Cheers for "The Falcon" tip. The names a bit naff but that's a pretty good pedigree, I'll keep my ears open.