So, this morning I got to save a raccoon and I wanted to tell you all about it. After I got to work, some of us guys were standing around the dock door bullshitting like usual. Then, my buddy Nick told me there was a raccoon in the dumpster. A dumpster sits on the ground just to the side of the dock door we were standing by and, when you lean over, you can look right into it. When I looked, sure enough, a raccoon had its head buried in what little trash was at the bottom. I guess he must have jumped in there not thinking that he wouldn't be able to get back out. In his defense, the dumpster we used to have had a little door on the side that he would normally have been able to climb out of. So, everyone thinks this thing is dying because he's not moving quickly and he's got his head all buried. I was thinking, it's cold and this thing is scared as hell. Plus, why would a raccoon crawl into a dumpster to die? I thought they always jumped in front of cars and stuff to do that. Well, even though everyone else seemed content with leaving the poor thing in there (or spraying it with glue), I knew there had to be a way to get him out of there without jumping in and getting murdered. I grabbed a 1x6 board and propped it against the side and left it there so might be able to crawl out on it. He didn't seem to get the point because 20 minutes later he was still in there feeling sorry for himself. Being the impatient philanthropist that I am, I grabbed a 2x4 and started poking him with it to make him move. It did seem like he was sick or something because he was hardly budging, but then again, they jump in front of cars to die, right? Well, after a few nudges with the 2x4 he started to get it. When he first grabbed onto the board, I thought he was grabbing it because he was mad, but then he looked up at me as if to say "fuck yeah I want out of here!" so I dropped the board onto the bigger board I had already setup and the dude climbed right out of there onto a stack of pallets and then down to the ground. As he scurried past the dock door where a couple of us were watching, he paused, stood on his hind legs, waved, and said "hey thanks a lot man; that sucked." Then we watched him scurry his ass across the lot, hopefully never to return to that dumpster or any other. What? Yeah, that part about him waving, I made it up, but the rest is the truth. It is fun saving wildlife, its just too bad that its really us in their backyard.
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