yikes

'I really didn't want to on and on about my mother, but dammit, she just has a talent for pushing my buttons.

She and my sister show up at my store today and give me a bit of the lowdown on when she has to be out of her apartment. She has this habit of venting her frustrations by making subtle hints that any foulups that mess with her timetable are my fault.

I have to work the whole weekend this week: that makes her nervous about getting anything moved this weekend. I am working this Sunday to get next Saturday off to go up to Storey's cabin for a much needed cooldown: that makes Mom nervous because that's another weekend shot. Unfortunately for me and fortunately for her, the cabin looks to be mired in mud so I get to spend my time off getting nagged at.

Why is doing the right thing so painful? I've experienced everything from anger to frustration to depression to full-out bouts of despair just in the last couple days and all of it stems from me doing what's right for the family. It's not suppose to be this way. My mom's not a bad person at all, just hard for me to live with; I won't mind at all living with my sister. So where does this intense feeling of sorrow and desolation come from?

I apologize for venting out like this. It does seem to help order my thoughts by putting this down.