my story.
turning into zombie or "man this gum tastes great, wait a minute, what is that?"
now, i'm not the type of person to go out of my way to find that healthy vegetarian cuisine joint. or make sure that i limit my fast food intake to once a week. in fact i absolutely love abusing my body in the ways of inhuman eating habits. and i might not be the cleanest man, and by that i mean i take about a shower a week if people around me are lucky. but i can assure i don't "let myself go". i exsercize, brush my teeth, and don't have any over powering body odor. just ask my co-workers. they seem to think i am a joking type of person that gets his kicks over the fact that my peers think i'm a total scum bag. well being a scum bag would seem to suggest that i am a normal bag with all amounts of scum rotting on the inside. while i thought this to not be the case.
but in recent developments i've found out that i am indeed a scum bag. and not one that has rotting fish guts and thrown away placentas inside a beautiful hand crafted leather prada bag. but more an old drunk's vomit and 4 week old coffee grounds inside a loose burlap sack.
it all started on what i thought was going to be a relatively nice day. i say relatively because you're nice day might not be my definition of the phrase. so i get my coffee and head into work. noon rolls around and i think to myself "i could use a refreshing piece of gum right now." so i stroll to the back room and pop in 2 pieces of "trident white" which on the package claims to whiten and strengthen your teeth while you chew! wow what a great deal you may say. well i thought so too or i wouldn't have fucking bought it.
about 20 minutes crawl by and the gum has now totally lost it's flavor. instead of tossing it out, i continue to chew for the sole fact that it makes me feel like one of those 50's greasers with a cigarette pack rolled up in my sleeve. and then it happens.
all of the sudden there is a hard piece lodged in my tasteless unsatisfying gum. well i think nothing of it and continue to chew slowly. then another, and another. now my curiosity for this phenomenon has peeked and i reach into my trap and fish out the little piece of what i once called heaven. i scour the bastard like sherlock holmes looking for clues to the hound of the baskervilles. and i find 4 little guys that have a pearly white surface white a tiny dark spot here and there. "what the fuck is that?" i ask myself. then the realization sets in and my face drops. the inside to one of my back teeth has deteriorated and is now sprinkled over this piece of what now looks a white turd as if a professional new york city baker had sprinkled it with the finest of white chocolate.
i then rush to the bathroom leaving the store bereft of employees and try in vein to inspect the damage first hand to no avail. somberly i walk back to the floor and try to grasp the situation that has just unfolded. and then i see. as a boy i had the full head of hair you might associate with a young makaulay culkin. but now it's regressed into woody harrelson type of doo. are my teeth going to go down the same twisted path? am i destined to take the role of a 1970's british homeless man belting out songs of a faded past? only time can tell. so if you pass a man wrapped in 10 layers of coats singing "Danny Boy" in a lovely drunken tenor. then spare a dime, as it could be your once beloved hero.
turning into zombie or "man this gum tastes great, wait a minute, what is that?"
now, i'm not the type of person to go out of my way to find that healthy vegetarian cuisine joint. or make sure that i limit my fast food intake to once a week. in fact i absolutely love abusing my body in the ways of inhuman eating habits. and i might not be the cleanest man, and by that i mean i take about a shower a week if people around me are lucky. but i can assure i don't "let myself go". i exsercize, brush my teeth, and don't have any over powering body odor. just ask my co-workers. they seem to think i am a joking type of person that gets his kicks over the fact that my peers think i'm a total scum bag. well being a scum bag would seem to suggest that i am a normal bag with all amounts of scum rotting on the inside. while i thought this to not be the case.
but in recent developments i've found out that i am indeed a scum bag. and not one that has rotting fish guts and thrown away placentas inside a beautiful hand crafted leather prada bag. but more an old drunk's vomit and 4 week old coffee grounds inside a loose burlap sack.
it all started on what i thought was going to be a relatively nice day. i say relatively because you're nice day might not be my definition of the phrase. so i get my coffee and head into work. noon rolls around and i think to myself "i could use a refreshing piece of gum right now." so i stroll to the back room and pop in 2 pieces of "trident white" which on the package claims to whiten and strengthen your teeth while you chew! wow what a great deal you may say. well i thought so too or i wouldn't have fucking bought it.
about 20 minutes crawl by and the gum has now totally lost it's flavor. instead of tossing it out, i continue to chew for the sole fact that it makes me feel like one of those 50's greasers with a cigarette pack rolled up in my sleeve. and then it happens.
all of the sudden there is a hard piece lodged in my tasteless unsatisfying gum. well i think nothing of it and continue to chew slowly. then another, and another. now my curiosity for this phenomenon has peeked and i reach into my trap and fish out the little piece of what i once called heaven. i scour the bastard like sherlock holmes looking for clues to the hound of the baskervilles. and i find 4 little guys that have a pearly white surface white a tiny dark spot here and there. "what the fuck is that?" i ask myself. then the realization sets in and my face drops. the inside to one of my back teeth has deteriorated and is now sprinkled over this piece of what now looks a white turd as if a professional new york city baker had sprinkled it with the finest of white chocolate.
i then rush to the bathroom leaving the store bereft of employees and try in vein to inspect the damage first hand to no avail. somberly i walk back to the floor and try to grasp the situation that has just unfolded. and then i see. as a boy i had the full head of hair you might associate with a young makaulay culkin. but now it's regressed into woody harrelson type of doo. are my teeth going to go down the same twisted path? am i destined to take the role of a 1970's british homeless man belting out songs of a faded past? only time can tell. so if you pass a man wrapped in 10 layers of coats singing "Danny Boy" in a lovely drunken tenor. then spare a dime, as it could be your once beloved hero.
♥