yeti

..I dreamed about killing you again last night and it felt alright to me..

What happens in my sleep? I dont really know. Lately, I've slept poorly. I dont understand it.

..Dying on the banks of Embarcadero skies, I sat and watched you bleed..

San Francisco has been a beautiful, trying city lately. I am learning a lot of new things about how to live. Like a person, like an adult, like a lover, and like a friend.

This city brings me through the length and breadth of emotion while I'm out in it. From the way a homeless man's face lights up when he sees the food I'm carrying home to my loved one... (I'm broke too, and I'm so sorry. If I was a better person, I'd give up this food. You're probably more hungry than I am anyway.) ..to the smells of the beautiful trees here -- how many kinds of trees are there? I talked with someone recently about this. I dont really know. There are a lot. I love them all.

..Buried you alive in a fireworks display, raining down on me..

A friend of mine married recently, and I am infinitely happy for him. I wish I could have been there at his wedding. This was also coupled with a very stark, and harsh reminder that another friend of mine was murdered recently. They just convicted a man for her murder. It's been several years since I've seen either of them. I think that altering my relationship with the past is one of the better ways to face the future.

..I painted my name on the back of a leaf,and I watched it float away..

I've spent a great deal of time in the last two weeks trying to figure out where I'm headed. It's pretty hard to think about for me, but I am learning how to get in that frame of mind. How does one associate the things they have done in their life with their sense of self? Do I relate my actions to the name I have in my head for myself, or am I relating them to some different "other self"? I'm working on that.

There has been a lot of Wilco in my stereo recently. Particularly "Summerteeth", which is a departure from my tendency toward their earlier albums. I still get some steel guitars, though. Those are important.

I recently went to a small show that was part of the
Mission Creek Music Festival. The show headlined Devendra Banhart, and was at a little venue nearby. This was the first time I had been in this venue, and I enjoyed it immensely. I was surprised by the opening acts, particularly the Ragtime Germs, and Vetiver. Ralph Carney even got up on stage and played the saxophone! All in all, it was a really refreshing night, having seen some local bands that were really good. I mostly end up hearing about, and seeing medium to large acts, with real labels, and real tours. For a night that I had intended to stay home, I was happy to have been encouraged to leave the house by my partner in crime. Lesson learned.

I am waffling about if I should post this or not. It seems a little long and personal to be adding as an entry on a porn site. I think that I shall apply the same lesson learned above to this. If I dont do it, I dont know if I'll like it or not.

Ja mata!